I am so afraid and lonely

My partner was diagnosed with neck cancer. He is halfway through his radiotherapy and chemotherapy treatments.  However, he was admitted to hospital last week as his oxygen levels appeared low and he has contracted pneumonia and a blood clot on the lung.  The day before yesterday he was transferred to the Critical Care unit.  I understand there is better equipment there for raising his oxygen levels.  One oncologist said that if the raising of the oxygen levels isn’t successful he may have to be put on a ventilator.  He has refused this option, saying he may as well be dead then to live this way.  Through some microbiology tests yesterday they have now found a specific viral/bacterial issue and have changed his antibiotics to target this.  I am so afraid he is going to die.  When I come home after visiting him, I feel so alone.  I can’t stop crying and I can hardly sleep.  We always spend Christmas Day together but not this year of course.  I normally don’t mind being alone but at the moment the house feels so empty.  I feel like I’m living in a void.  I don’t know what I’ll do if doesn’t survive this.  I love him so much. 

Parents
  • I can relate to this because when my wife was going through chemo, she ended up in hospital after each and every chemo cycle with massive temp spikes, and other stuff going on. One of those times was over Christmas, and whilst I'm not big on Christmas myself, she is and it wasn't the same without her that year. i too sat in the house, a picture of misery and worry.

    Sorry, it's not an uplifting post, and i don't want to patronise you will well-worn cliches etc, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in feeling how you are. Some of us have been there and know exactly how you're feeling. The good news is, they've identified the culprit, and that's a positive amongst a deluge of crap. They can treat it properly now.

  • Thank you so much for your reply.  I know it’s just another day but we normally spend it together.  In fact I am spending the day in Critical Care, do at least we’re together at the moment. Yes must hang on to the  positive but finding it difficult.  Thank you again. x

  • Thought i'd pop back in and ask how you're doing? I won't ask how your Christmas went, because like my one a couple of years ago, not great. But how you yourself are doing.

  • Hi ProfBaw.  Thank you for so much for asking but my partner died yesterday morning in the hospital.  

  • Really sorry to hear that, pal. Was thinking about you over Boxing Day etc, and had everything crossed and rooting for you both. If you ever need to chat once you have your head around it a little, don't hesitate.

  • Hi Profbaw.  Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.  I can’t get my head round this and feel absolutely devastated.  Would be happy to chat with you anytime.  Now to try and get some sleep (not happening at the moment).  Once again thank you.

Reply Children
  • The pain for me was so overwhelming tonight that I could not stand it a minute longer, so I bought a bottle of wine and have drunk over half of it.  It has numbed the pain which I realise isn’t good.  Also drinking alcohol for this reason is not something I normally do.  But really, I just needed a break from the constant emotional rollercoaster.