I can relate to this because when my wife was going through chemo, she ended up in hospital after each and every chemo cycle with massive temp spikes, and other stuff going on. One of those times was over Christmas, and whilst I'm not big on Christmas myself, she is and it wasn't the same without her that year. i too sat in the house, a picture of misery and worry.

Sorry, it's not an uplifting post, and i don't want to patronise you will well-worn cliches etc, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in feeling how you are. Some of us have been there and know exactly how you're feeling. The good news is, they've identified the culprit, and that's a positive amongst a deluge of crap. They can treat it properly now.

Thank you so much for your reply.  I know it’s just another day but we normally spend it together.  In fact I am spending the day in Critical Care, do at least we’re together at the moment. Yes must hang on to the  positive but finding it difficult.  Thank you again. x

Thank you so much for your reply.  I know it’s just another day but we normally spend it together.  In fact I am spending the day in Critical Care, do at least we’re together at the moment. Yes must hang on to the  positive but finding it difficult.  Thank you again. x

Thought i'd pop back in and ask how you're doing? I won't ask how your Christmas went, because like my one a couple of years ago, not great. But how you yourself are doing.

Hi ProfBaw.  Thank you for so much for asking but my partner died yesterday morning in the hospital.  

Really sorry to hear that, pal. Was thinking about you over Boxing Day etc, and had everything crossed and rooting for you both. If you ever need to chat once you have your head around it a little, don't hesitate.

Hi Profbaw.  Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.  I can’t get my head round this and feel absolutely devastated.  Would be happy to chat with you anytime.  Now to try and get some sleep (not happening at the moment).  Once again thank you.

I'm so, so sorry to hear this.  You will be understandably devastated. I hope you have good friends and family to support you.
Happy to chat also.  I'm not long diagnosed and me and my hub (of 42 years) are still trying to come to terms with it.   
I can't even imagine how you are feeling x

Thank you for your message Pubcat and I am also sorry to hear that you have a recent diagnosis.  I hope all goes well for you.  I do have friends, not really much family, and they are supportive but I don’t expect them to stay with me 24/7 .  I would be happy to chat.  

I'm similar, some very good supportive friends too.
We've no kids (by choice)  I rarely see my brother (who lives a few miles away.  We think my sister has early dementia so after discussion with her daughters we've decided not to let her know at this stage. 
Take care of yourself x

We didn’t have kids either and I don’t have any siblings. I do have good friends but I don’t want to bore them with my crying and grief all the time.  I am British but seem to lack the stiff upper lip characteristic that we are reputed to have. 

Did you get much sleep last night? I think there comes a point where sheer tiredness takes over, so it will happen. You're mere hours into your grief, so I highly doubt you'll be boring anyone. You mention you lack the British stiff upperlip, yet you're doing the typical Britsh thing of being too polite. Not wanting to incovenience others. You're going through one of the largest life events anyone can go through, so i think your friends will understand. But i do understand why. There's times in your life when saying things out loud can make it feel all too real. I tend not to be a face to face talker either when faced with an awful situation.

When my wife was diagnosed, it was her that did all the talking to others because i simply couldn't bring myself to say some things out loud. i wasn't deluding myself, just felt more comfortable letting it swirl around in my head.

Thank you.  I actually did sleep last night.  First time in over a week.  I’m not really being polite as I’m breaking down every time I talk to someone and I think this will go on for me way longer than it will for them.  Hence, I might be boring them when some of them think it’s time I got over it.  Once again thank you for your caring posts.