Hello Cath2222

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnosis. It's obviously a difficult time for you both and, naturally, you have concerns. It's good to hear that you're so supportive of your Mum. 

Have you been able to talk with your Mum about your concerns? It's understandable that you have questions and are worried about how best you can support her. Do try and speak with your Mum to agree on a plan that you're both happy with about how you will be able to access support for Mum when her health declines. 

I wonder if your Mum doesn't want to see a Dr as she's worried that they may try to persuade her to pursue some treatment options that she doesn't want. If you've not already done so then maybe talk with your Mum about pain management and getting some advice on wound care so that she can remain as healthy and comfortable for as long as possible. 

If you'd like to talk with one of our nurses for some advice and support you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. I'm sure they will be happy to offer any guidance and information they can. 

I'm sure that your Mum will understand your concerns and appreciate you supporting her choices. Take the opportunities to spend time together creating memories and enjoying each other's company as well. 

Keep in touch Cath and we'll do our best to offer any support and advice we can. 

My best wishes to you both, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Thank you Jenn.

Yes I have had conversations with my Mum over the past few years. Her reason for not wanting treatments are that she is in her 80s, does not want to take the place of anyone younger, does not wish to go through the treatments and she does not wish to know if the cancer is anywhere else. She believes that she is better to live the rest of her life as she wants. My Mum has a very full life, very active, loves nature ect. She is looking after her wounds and is pretty good with that. She was a nurse in the Army and stayed in nursing until she retired.

What we have now done, because of this wonderful forum, is to draw up a living will so we all know what treatments, intervention my Mum wants or does not want, when the time comes.

Thank you xxxxx

Thank you Jenn.

Yes I have had conversations with my Mum over the past few years. Her reason for not wanting treatments are that she is in her 80s, does not want to take the place of anyone younger, does not wish to go through the treatments and she does not wish to know if the cancer is anywhere else. She believes that she is better to live the rest of her life as she wants. My Mum has a very full life, very active, loves nature ect. She is looking after her wounds and is pretty good with that. She was a nurse in the Army and stayed in nursing until she retired.

What we have now done, because of this wonderful forum, is to draw up a living will so we all know what treatments, intervention my Mum wants or does not want, when the time comes.

Thank you xxxxx

Hi Cath,

A few years ago, after two sets of cancer treatment which gave her an extra 5 years, my Mum decided she couldn’t face more chemo. Dad, my sister and I fully supported her decision but there was friction within our family as not everyone understood. This was mainly family who lived away and didn’t see her on a day to day basis.

It sounds like your Mum has made a decision which is best for her for all the right reasons. I’d hate to have to go through that trauma again. 

Best wishes
Dave