Hi. 

I feel you but please don't put a time frame on this. 

My mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable pancreatic cancer with NO treatment 13 months ago and is still with us. she was told 3 to 6 months. yes she is now bed bound and we have a live in carer as it's tough but the past year we have somehow managed to make special memories. despite the odds she walked her daughter ( my wife) up the aisle October last year, went to theatre in London to see phantom  of the opera and had Xmas with us, all of these we didn't think she would make. 

live everyday making memories but please don't put immense pressure on yourself, we did and we broke and hit rock bottom at one point but had family members to pick us both back up. yes it's hard but be strong. xx

Hi. 

I feel you but please don't put a time frame on this. 

My mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable pancreatic cancer with NO treatment 13 months ago and is still with us. she was told 3 to 6 months. yes she is now bed bound and we have a live in carer as it's tough but the past year we have somehow managed to make special memories. despite the odds she walked her daughter ( my wife) up the aisle October last year, went to theatre in London to see phantom  of the opera and had Xmas with us, all of these we didn't think she would make. 

live everyday making memories but please don't put immense pressure on yourself, we did and we broke and hit rock bottom at one point but had family members to pick us both back up. yes it's hard but be strong. xx

Hi there,

I'm in a similar position with my mother, she has metastic ovaian cancer and she is also unable to walk after her last downward turn in early April 22 (a lung infection).  She has very little appetite but is still hanging on in there and was given 6 months in June 2021.

No-one knows how long, and there have been two occasions since Feb 22 when I thought she was nearing the end.

One question I have Michus is that you mention a live in carer - is this something you have organised yourselves and what do they do to assist your mother in law, are they there 24/7?  My mother is in a care home right now and I would be interested in alternatives which could mean she can return to the home she loves.

xx

Hi Fezza

So sorry to hear you are going through something similar, it really is awful.

my mother in Laws wish was to be at home and not a care home, the live in carer lives with us 24/7, you need to ensure you have a spare room in the house for them, my mum in law ended up in sobel house and from there wanted to come home, they put a system in place, the house had to be assesssed etc a hospital bed brought in before she could come home.

Has you mum got a palative team assigned to her? If so its worth asking as if its your mums wishes to be at home I cant see how you cant make it happen with a bit of hard work, just be mindful that its tough having your loved ones at home, your life is turned upside down but its worth it.

Hope this helps.

ps my mother in law has now caught covid :( xx

Thanks Michus.  She was at home for a while but we found it difficult to cope as I'm an only child and my aunt who also tried to help is not in great health.  We didn't receive much advice or support from her pallative care team - the hospice - who told me they couldn't do anything as she was not bad enough, and their advice to my stress was to go out with a girlfriend for a bottle of wine!  Really not helpful.  We were never offered any kind of assessment - who is it that would do this?  The GP and district nurses only offered the team to change her but she remained bedridden and couldn't be left alone - we paid for a night sitter part of the time but my mother was not keen.  I feel pretty let down by the whole system, and it would be great to know if there is another option.

Yes, my mother had covid and pneumonia in Feb 22 she did recover though, it's only this recent chest infection which as made her so week that she can't walk, she's also very confused so the GP suspects the cancer could have spread to the brain...

Sending you strength xx

Hi Fezza, sorry for the late reply, have had a tired day as  too have the dreaded covid atm!

I feel you when you say you have felt let down, us too, we pushed and pushed.

Unfortuantely for mother in law but fortunate for us she ended in sobell house, got told 2 to 3 days to 2 weeks to live but that was back in october so they said for her to go home and be at peace so it was them who got the ball rolling with care.

has your mum been told she has long to live? sorry for the hard question but in our circumtances this was the case so had continuous care at home which is now in process of going over to social live in care.

Keep hassling your Mums palative care team and keep calling doctors and say its her wish to be at home.

Sending positive vibes xx