Hi,

Gosh reading your post I feel and have felt exactly as you do right now. I am so sorry to hear of your Father's diagnosis and I know how devastating it is. I believe there is always hope. In February We were told my Mum had incureable, inoperable lung cancer. Thankfully they have put her on a targeted cancer drug, not to cure the cancer (they stressed this) but to hopefully stall it from spreading further and possibly shrink the tumours. This is only a temporary solution as the drug does not work for everyone and when/if they see on a CT Scan the cancer is continuing to spread she will be taken off it, also the cancer ends up becoming resistent to the drug. Up to the point she was diagnosed the only symptoms she had were a few sharp pains in her back, we never guessed it were lung cancer as a few years previously 1 biopsy came back clear and because her right lung showed changes that remained stable for 2 years they stopped all ct scans and said it was fine.

I'm like you, I refuse to give up on my Mum. I have read everything I can read about lung cancer, other treatments, this, that and the other we could try to the point I couldn't sleep and was having panic attacks. I believe my Mum can turn this around, not be cured but stay stable and have a life but I sometimes think this is my wishful thinking because basically I can't and won't accept I am going to lose her anytime yet. When we love someone like we do what is the other option? No thanks. I know how you feel with wanting to have some control over their care. I have looked up every blood results that she receives on her mycare account, desperately trying to see if ther bloods are normal and questioning the team when I see that her sodium levels were not nirmal and she is anemic. They are 'monitoring these levels' is the reply. I get worried sick about them going down lower and try to think of ways to increase them by food and nutritiants but the problem is at the moment she is not eating, her appetite has gone. 

All I can say is your not alone here. This is a site NO ONE wishes to be on and I wish with all my heart I could go through what she has so she could be free of this awful cancer. If I could cure her with my love she would live but I can't and thats the problem, we - me and you can't cure our parents of cancer. Its out of our control to some degree. We have to listen to the oncology team but it doesnt mean that we can't do our own research and put questions to them if we think they could try something or we want an opinion or advice. They are our responsibity and our role is to do everything we can to make them comfortable and content if we can. We may not be able to remove the cancer and make them 'healthy' again but we can strive to find ways to make them healthier than they are at present, find little ways to encourage them to feel better and give them more time with us as painfree as possible. Its a huge burden on the people who love them most because we can't just sit back and do nothing. Sometimes the stress of it all overwhelms me. Sometimes I wake in the night and I can not believe my Mum has incureable cancer. All I try to do is get through each day, not look too far ahead because none of us know what the future will bring and in our situations planning too far ahead can be problematic. Keep being the wonderful support you are to your Father. Give them continued support, love and care and behind the scenes keep reaching out to others for help and advice to make sure your father is as comfortable as possible and never give up on finding ways to make him feel better along with the oncology team. I will never give up but I accept I simply can't cure my Mum but I am determind to do everything to give her the best life I can. Sometimes the oncology team don;t always think of the options that we do. We are caring for our parents and we see things they don't so please do not be afraid to ask questions, put your ideas across and see what they say.

I'm here as are others if you ever need support or a chat. Take care and remember you are already doing an amazing job loving your father as much as you do.

Jane

Hi,

Gosh reading your post I feel and have felt exactly as you do right now. I am so sorry to hear of your Father's diagnosis and I know how devastating it is. I believe there is always hope. In February We were told my Mum had incureable, inoperable lung cancer. Thankfully they have put her on a targeted cancer drug, not to cure the cancer (they stressed this) but to hopefully stall it from spreading further and possibly shrink the tumours. This is only a temporary solution as the drug does not work for everyone and when/if they see on a CT Scan the cancer is continuing to spread she will be taken off it, also the cancer ends up becoming resistent to the drug. Up to the point she was diagnosed the only symptoms she had were a few sharp pains in her back, we never guessed it were lung cancer as a few years previously 1 biopsy came back clear and because her right lung showed changes that remained stable for 2 years they stopped all ct scans and said it was fine.

I'm like you, I refuse to give up on my Mum. I have read everything I can read about lung cancer, other treatments, this, that and the other we could try to the point I couldn't sleep and was having panic attacks. I believe my Mum can turn this around, not be cured but stay stable and have a life but I sometimes think this is my wishful thinking because basically I can't and won't accept I am going to lose her anytime yet. When we love someone like we do what is the other option? No thanks. I know how you feel with wanting to have some control over their care. I have looked up every blood results that she receives on her mycare account, desperately trying to see if ther bloods are normal and questioning the team when I see that her sodium levels were not nirmal and she is anemic. They are 'monitoring these levels' is the reply. I get worried sick about them going down lower and try to think of ways to increase them by food and nutritiants but the problem is at the moment she is not eating, her appetite has gone. 

All I can say is your not alone here. This is a site NO ONE wishes to be on and I wish with all my heart I could go through what she has so she could be free of this awful cancer. If I could cure her with my love she would live but I can't and thats the problem, we - me and you can't cure our parents of cancer. Its out of our control to some degree. We have to listen to the oncology team but it doesnt mean that we can't do our own research and put questions to them if we think they could try something or we want an opinion or advice. They are our responsibity and our role is to do everything we can to make them comfortable and content if we can. We may not be able to remove the cancer and make them 'healthy' again but we can strive to find ways to make them healthier than they are at present, find little ways to encourage them to feel better and give them more time with us as painfree as possible. Its a huge burden on the people who love them most because we can't just sit back and do nothing. Sometimes the stress of it all overwhelms me. Sometimes I wake in the night and I can not believe my Mum has incureable cancer. All I try to do is get through each day, not look too far ahead because none of us know what the future will bring and in our situations planning too far ahead can be problematic. Keep being the wonderful support you are to your Father. Give them continued support, love and care and behind the scenes keep reaching out to others for help and advice to make sure your father is as comfortable as possible and never give up on finding ways to make him feel better along with the oncology team. I will never give up but I accept I simply can't cure my Mum but I am determind to do everything to give her the best life I can. Sometimes the oncology team don;t always think of the options that we do. We are caring for our parents and we see things they don't so please do not be afraid to ask questions, put your ideas across and see what they say.

I'm here as are others if you ever need support or a chat. Take care and remember you are already doing an amazing job loving your father as much as you do.

Jane