Hi Lonely-muslim,

I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through, I can only imagine how difficult this must be. I'm glad that you have found some comfort from reading through things on the forum. We're always here for support whenever you need it, and it's often helpful simply to write things down and also to reach out to others who understand.

You explain your feelings well - I'm sure you are a great support to your father and are doing him proud. Make the most of this time to say anything you wish to say to him, or even to write things down in a letter if this is possible.

Take things one day - or less - at a time, and do what you need to do for him and for your family but also for yourself. Speak to others where you can. There is support available if you'd like it, such as on this forum as well as organisations such as Macmillan and Maggie's.

You will find the strength for your family, particularly if you can find the time to be kind to yourself and as I say to take things slowly.

Hopefully you'll receive further replies soon and I hope that the forum continues to be a support for you.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you very much for taking your time to reply. Self care is very hard at times like this.

i dont really know what to say to my dad as everything is eating me up inside

Im sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

i dont really know what to say to my father incase i trigger emotions in him. 

I apologised once to him and he was like never apologise to me your my son and i love you.

he also prays for me and my family even in his condition and that kills me. Being so unwell he still thinks about the well being of the rest of us. I always knew losing either of my parents would be the biggest issue for me be it my dad is 82 life seems to have gone by so quick that my life and our life feels like it all happened in the blink of aneye. Altough there was so much time it feels like it wasnt that may or may not make sense

My Dad was also worried about me, despite his own failing health. We never stop being their "kids", regardless of how old we get, eh? ;) 

From my perspective I didn't want to have any regrets, so to this end, I visited or rang him as often as I could. 

I was present with him, whilst in his company. I made sure he knew what he meant to me. 

On a lighter note, he rang me when day & told me he knew what songs he wanted at his funeral: 

I was like, OK, right... 

Continuing, he told me his choice was Wham's, 'Wake me up before you go go' & Elvis', 'Return To Sender'. He was a joker right till the end! Ha ha 

As an interesting footnote to the tale, we did honour this request & play those songs at his funeral. It got a laugh as well. 

The wake was held at a pub/restaurant we'd not been to before, & on the walls was a picture of Elvis & George Michael. 

I was stunned & took it s a sign my Dad was there in spirit. X

Hi when mum was dying i asked everyone to go out and told mum how much i loved her and thanked her for all the help and love she gave me .i also said sorry for the things i said or did that hurt her it realy helped me and her to ime sure we all know we are loved but sometimes its nice to be told .they have had the same thoughts as you have now with your child did i bring him up right does he love me .so you will be putting there mind at peace to .but dont wait do it now .ime sure you'll find the strengh to bring up your kiddie don't worry youl be feeling weak and helpless at the moment but it will not last . Can you not go to your mosc and chat to someone there .the Samaritan's can help there not just for suicidal people .just to talk helps .you sound like a good dad so dont worry on that score  its a freephone number just ring they answer then tell tell them what you have posted on here.best wishs Paul 

Hi Lonely-muslim,

This is a very hard time for you - and it is very difficult to see the parent who was always there for you fade away in front of your eyes. Whilst your Dad is still here cherish him and tell him how much you love him. Tell him of the best memories you have together and just love him with all your heart - which I know you will do.  He prays for you and I am sure you pray for him too. Times like this your family and your faith are what gets you through. 

It is very hard to balance everything when this is going on - you worry about your daughter, but she will see how much you care for your Dad - don't forget to tell her you love her - she will have time with you when your Dad is no longer here. I always used to say when my mother was very ill that time is finite and I spent as much time as I could supporting her (and my Dad who was her carer) - so that I would have no regrets and I had no words left unsaid to her. We hugged and talked of much happier times, always left saying we loved each other - and those are the memories that stay with me. 

You don't need to be 'strong' and close off your emotions, the strength comes from showing them to all who love and care about you. 

I wish you and your family love and compassion.