Hello, and thank you for posting.

I am sorry that you and your husband are struggling to find peace as he deteriorates from his cancer diagnosis.

It is difficult for me to say exactly why your husband is having blood transfusions. However, I can say they can be needed when the cancer is advancing, and the bone marrow is involved. I am sorry that the doctors have been unable to sit and talk this through with you. Do ask at the hospital to talk to the nurse in charge of his care, so you feel you understand what is happening.

A hospital-based palliative care team would be a great support and would also help with these types of conversations. They are experienced in discharges for terminally ill patients and good at talking through the Do Not Resuscitate forms (for more information, read DNR forms from the Compassion in Dying website). These teams can also navigate the community systems and ensure that the support is there when someone is dying at home (CRUK).

The Coping with Cancer pages on our website talk through all that is incredibly hard and may be useful.

Hopefully, with the right support on board, you will both get the time you need to be together at home, away from the chaos of a hospital environment.

Take care, and if you want to talk any of this through with the nurses on our helpline, the number is 0808 800 4040. Lines are open Mon-Fri, 9-5pm. 

Sarah.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation. 
A hospital is the last place he should be.
Ask your GP to refer you to MacMillan, Maggies, Marie Curie and/or your local hospice and explore what alternatives are available in your area. 

Good luck 
Dave

Hello Sarah 

Thank you for re affirming what I thought might be the case that it is probabley the cancer has it is also in his bones.

Unfortunately the hospital have failed to discharge properly  They have been shockingly disorganised poor communication and I have already complained at ward level and intend to take it further 

My priority is hubby 

Hubby is home now and safe and getting fed and resting ...

The gp is shocked that the hospital did not do their part properly but agrees hubby is better off at home now all the hospital based procedures are done.

I trusted the process the process is broken in our hospital if we never see the inside again it will be too soon

Hello Dave thank you for taking time to reply and for your useful suggestions. You will bote from my reply to Nurse Sarah that hubby is home I trusted the process and the process failed to be delivered and so we are home which is much better for his mental health and physical wellbeing and for mine too has his carer. ...

We dont have a Maggies in our area and atm tbh I want to say leave us alone.....I asked for help to care and its caused so much distress Id rather not bother .....

Kind regards for your support RB

Hi RB

So pleased you have got your husband home at last but saddened that he is not well and under stress that he could do without. I hope you can get some help with sharing his care so at least you can get an hour to yourself from time to time. I know how hard work being a carer 24 hours is. I cant offer any practical advice but send you a big hug.

Ed

Hello Ed 

Lovely to hear from you How are you doing today? Thank you for the hug it really helps.

Update

Hubby is definitely better than when he was admitted they fixed things they could. His cancer has spread but he is feeling more positive in himself which is nice to see.

Our gp is coming out ( I know!?) to see him/ us so that is something

I think once we both get a good nights sleep ( lets face it no one sleeps well in hospital) we will feel better. 

I am so grateful for your support and other chatters too....thank you Ed

Kindest wishes RB

Hi RB

The update that your husband is feeling more positive is heartening news. I hope that you both got that longed for good nights sleep. Hospital with the constant activity all night is not the most conducive place for sleep. The visit from your GP is reassuring too to assess his situation and hopefully put in place things for his and your wellbeing. For me Im getting on Ok the immunotherapy is working well and slowing the advance of cancer. Im making the most of the extra quality time it is giving me. Pain is becoming a more constant feature of life but is bearable with analgesics. Today is a good day but tempered with a visit to see a relative with lung cancer in hospital. It seems Im never away from that place. Hope your day ahead brings some joy.

Ed

Hi Ed 

Its good to here your current treatment is working for you.

Giving you precious time to enjoy what is important to you.

You are such a kind compassionate person support myself/ hubby and others that pop along to the Chats.

Thank you so very much.

Re visiting your relative today perhaps plan in a something to give you pause afterwards to help  rebalance. Hugs its a lot to deal with 

I hope you are able to find some further relief from your pain in a way that is right for you so you can get some rest and good sleep 

Us we both fell asleep quite early and much to the family hounds disdain didnt get up at 6am Lol

It really is good to be in your own environment 

1. Take care of yourself Kindest Wishes RB

HI RB

It is good to be in your own environment. At night you rest well as you know all the familiar creaks and groans the house makes without jumping out of your skin. You are surrounded by all your familier things and being at home with your hounds is very therapeutic. They know when you are not well. 

Ive taken on your suggestion to plan something for after the hospital visit to my relative and we will go down to the coast for a walk and an ice cream. Simple pleasures are the best. Hoping that your day goes well.

Ed