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Anxiety Going Through The Roof

VickyM21
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Hi!

I really really need some reassureance is its possible. My husband has had a diagnosis of recurring bowel cancer after being clear for the last 5 months. Since we got that diagnosis I have been unable to function normally or focus on anything at all. He is the one who is as far as I can see holding it all together but I know his head will be all over the place. He says I'm constantly reminding him of it and he is trying to forget about it just now because I keep breaking down at the least wee thing.  We got this diagnosis two weeks ago and we see the oncologist Thursday of this week to find out hopefully a management plan. When we saw the surgeon who told us about this new diagnosis she said that the cancer had come back in his stomach lining and pelvis but said it is `slow growing`.  Her colorectoral nurse assistant mentioned that they may want to insert a stent into him but what would this be for. I have made the big mistake of constantly `googling` information and some of it contradicts each other some information says recurring bowel cancer can be cured and then another says it can't. I'm so confused and its driving me round the bend. I know I shouldn't do it but can't help it.  It's getting to the stage I don't really want to go to this appointment with him on Thursday incase the oncologist says different to what the surgeon says. She said it is `slow growing` and he still has years in front of him not days, weeks or months and this has stuck in my head but I am really scared the oncologist will say different. Thanks.

 

Vicky

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    Hi Vicky.  I know that this must be a terrible time for you, and it is absolutely natural that you are worried sick about your husband.  However, I am going to be straight with you here...........your husband NEEDS you to be strong.  How must it be for him, he is the one with the cancer and he needs your support, and he has said as much.  To see you keep breaking down when he is trying to hold everything together must be absolutely horrendous for him.  I have stage 4 cancer and I am caring for my husband who is so ill that he may not be here by Christmas.........I go in to the bathroom to do my crying and I put on a brave face for him.  I am sorry if I have over-stepped the mark with you, and forgive me if I have been too blunt, but your husband needs a bit of support.......this isn't about you, it's about him.  Violet. 

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    Hi again Vicky, I have just realised that your question was for the nurses, which means I shouldn't have answered your post.  My apologies.  Violet.

  • Offline in reply to Violetgirl

    Hi Violet!

     

    Yes I feel you did overstep the mark and was a bit blunt but I feel that is waht I need. Yes I do know I am making it `all about me` I have health issues of my own too. We have been together for 39 years 36 of those just married and I really don't know what I will do without him!  should it come to that!  Already I am visualising myself on my own and I don't like what I am visualising. His surgeon said his recurring cancer is slow growing and it could be years down the line before anything really serious happens but its just we have lost so many members of our family to cancer and where it has been hard to accept that those family are no longer here it is a whole different story when it lands on your doorstep as you will know. 

  • Hello Vicky and thanks for your post,

    I can imagine the uncertainty must be very stressful for you both and hopefully you will find out more on Thursday.

    Unfortunately I can't really second guess what they are going to say to you this week. It is encouraging that the cancer sounds like it is slow growing and this is information that the pathologist (the doctor looking at the cells under the microscope) will have told both the oncologist and the surgeon.

    Even though it is worrying going to the appointment as you are unsure what they are going to say, it can be really helpful having two sets of ears listening as often there is a lot of information to absorb.

    There are different reasons why a stent is considered but do ask the oncologist when you see them on Thursday. 

    It really does not help to google as everyone's situation is slightly different and it can end up causing more worry and uncertainty.

    You are both more then welcome to ring and speak to one of the helpline nurses. You may find this more helpful when you have had your appointment and more information is available.

    Try not to think too far ahead, make a list of questions and don't be afraid to ask the doctors what your concerns are.

    There are lots of different treatments available that the doctors may consider so try if you can to keep an open mind.

    If you want to ring the helpline we are here Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm, Freephone 0808 800 40440.

    All the very best,

    Catherine

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