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Pain, lumps and panic attacks

ragdoll1603
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I already feel weird posting because mental illnesses aren't the greatest thing to have, especially now.

Currently sitting on the sofa crying alone, I can't stop crying.

They'll be a very brief moment where everything feels calm and like nothing is wrong.

I've only really wanted to live for the past 2 years so naturally that's when I noticed a bulge on the side of my right breast, couldn't feel anything because they've always just felt like lumpy things to me but the outer shape was just different so I tried to make a dr's appointment... courtesy of covid that took somewhat longer than usual, I know have pain in both breasts, at 35 I didn't need a Dr telling me it can be caused by menstruation, I know that but that pain doesn't stay for over a month now.

After a month (Monday just gone) I got to see a GP who said she could feel multiple lumps (other issues I'm having weren't addressed at all and it was solely for the breast exam and honestly I was looked at like an alien for mentioning anything) 

Refered to breast clinic (sadly not in the hospital that's 5 minutes away from me) but the GP computer went cranky and decided I wasn't registered and continued thinking I didn't exist (bad omen I suppose) so there is a chance the appointment could not go through (I'll be calling them shortly but it's not easy to talk through crying and panicking) 

I noticed a new bulge on my side and my brain can't work out if it's a new fat roll but I definitely haven't seen it before and it's right next to the really painful and multiple lumps side of my breast.

I'm terrified, I don't know why I'm posting I'm just so terrified and having panic attacks daily.

I just want to get older with my partner, I've done enough hospital time with my MS and I'm just scared this is it..

I don't want to die and I've not got the strength mentally or physically to cope with anything right now.

Sorry to burden you all.

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    Hi Ragdoll

    You are certainly not a burden. We are all filled with anxiety waiting to see what results come from these uneasy symptoms. I have a breast ultrasound today and like you I just can't function I cant eat stop panicking I am just willing the appointment to come and to be told there's nothing there. You are not alone. When do you get seen in the breast clinic?

  • Offline in reply to Anxiety21

    Haven't got an appointment yet, called the referral line just now to make sure it had gone through since they had so much drama at the GP with issues on their system, was told I am showing and I'll get a call in the next few days.

    I have a blood test appointment on Wednesday that I was told I had to get done by the GP too.

    I hope your ultrasound goes okay today.

  • Offline in reply to Anxiety21

    Hope your ultrasound went okay.x

    I'm getting more and more pains and my panic has triggered my MS so I'm physically wrecked.

    Got my clinic appointment for Wednesday 1:40.

    Feels like I'm carrying a suffocating weight too now.

     

  • Offline in reply to ragdoll1603

    Hi ragdoll 

    I got the all clear thankfully. I thought the anxiety would lift immensely but I still have unanswered questions. I was told it must be down to glands and hormones. I am of course so grateful something sinister is ruled out but the anxiety is still there and the pain so for now I will live with it and hope for the best.

    I can imagine the fatigued feeling but Wednesday will fly around you and I will be thinking of you and sending good vibes your way for good news only x

  • Offline in reply to ragdoll1603

     

    Hi Radoll,

    I am so sorry to hear of the worries you have on top of your MS. I though that it might help to ease your anxiety to know that not all lumps are cancerous. Some are benign cysts or fibrous changes and many women have naturally lumpy breasts. It is also a fact that only 1 person in every 8 referred to the breast clinic will get a cancer diagnosis.

    Your worry will naturally trigger your MS, but pain is seldom associated with breast cancer, so you may be worrying over nothing.

    I am glad to hear that your appointment has come through for Wednesday and I sincerely hope that it all goes well. Please let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Anxiety21

     

    Hi Anxiety,

    I am so glad to hear that you got the all clear, but concerned that you don't fel reassured. An ultrasound should pick up anything untoward. However, if things don't settle down for you, don't be afraid to ask for further investigation.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Anxiety21

    Having an anxiety disorder I know all to well that it doesn't just go.

    Sadly it's easier to inflate that balloon.

    Have you contacted the GP in regards to pain?

    They might be able to prescribe or recommend something better than OTC pills (they're doing nothing at all for me) maybe a topical gel.

    Shouldn't have to just live with it. 

    So glad they couldn't find anything sinister though

  • Offline in reply to ragdoll1603

    Yes she said she will send me for an MRI she thinks it could be a trapped nerve or worst case scenario she says a tumor so thats why im still so uneasy.

    Thanks so much for your replies.  I find anxiety makes it hard to distinguish between what symptoms feel real and ones that are just brought on by anxiety.

    Wishing you all positive and healthy outcomes from all of your worries x

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