I already feel weird posting because mental illnesses aren't the greatest thing to have, especially now.

Currently sitting on the sofa crying alone, I can't stop crying.

They'll be a very brief moment where everything feels calm and like nothing is wrong.

I've only really wanted to live for the past 2 years so naturally that's when I noticed a bulge on the side of my right breast, couldn't feel anything because they've always just felt like lumpy things to me but the outer shape was just different so I tried to make a dr's appointment... courtesy of covid that took somewhat longer than usual, I know have pain in both breasts, at 35 I didn't need a Dr telling me it can be caused by menstruation, I know that but that pain doesn't stay for over a month now.

After a month (Monday just gone) I got to see a GP who said she could feel multiple lumps (other issues I'm having weren't addressed at all and it was solely for the breast exam and honestly I was looked at like an alien for mentioning anything) 

Refered to breast clinic (sadly not in the hospital that's 5 minutes away from me) but the GP computer went cranky and decided I wasn't registered and continued thinking I didn't exist (bad omen I suppose) so there is a chance the appointment could not go through (I'll be calling them shortly but it's not easy to talk through crying and panicking) 

I noticed a new bulge on my side and my brain can't work out if it's a new fat roll but I definitely haven't seen it before and it's right next to the really painful and multiple lumps side of my breast.

I'm terrified, I don't know why I'm posting I'm just so terrified and having panic attacks daily.

I just want to get older with my partner, I've done enough hospital time with my MS and I'm just scared this is it..

I don't want to die and I've not got the strength mentally or physically to cope with anything right now.

Sorry to burden you all.