Janeylou I forgot to ask what date you have been given for your follow up on the second lump they wanted to check again in four weeks. Are you managing to keep it out of your mind? I imagine they are just being super careful in checking and hopefully all will be fine! xx

Hi sorry I did not reply not had a great week with my anxiety. I am thinking of you how are you doing ? I will be thinking of you tomorow and I am sure you will have positive news and you will know the plan and can get on with treatment. Xxx

My appointment is 27th x

Thanks  Janeylou‍ . Sorry to hear you have had a tough week. It is not easy is it?

I really appreciate your supportive thoughts.

It has been such a long 10/11 days between the breast clinic when they said it looked like cancer, and then the results appt tomorrow; I just want to know how good or bad it is when I get the results tomorrow. We know it is small (10mm) but as they said last week now I need to find out what Grade it is to know if slow, medium or fast-growing. Of course, the mind tends to focus on the worst case scenario!

My Mum had a Grade 1, slow-growing tumour so hopefully, that will be me too. I have found it SO hard to focus at work. I am sure my team have clocked onto me been super distracted, and in meetings, I normally contribute a lot but have sat in various video calls with colleagues, not saying much at all as my mind is totally elsewhere. My line manager is really supportive and I will update her tomorrow too. She said I am the 5th person she has managed who has had breast cancer and the other four are all going strong apparently which is encouraging.

Meanwhile, trying to hold it together and doing things that make me feel good. I'm a trail runner and that has been even more beneficial of late.. Getting muddy and out running in the woods and across fields that are on my doorstep in the village I live in has been a good way of releasing stress and tension.

It's my son's 19th birthday today and he is home from university at the moment (with an exam on his birthday - poor sod!) so need to be cheerful today so he has some semblance of a reasonable birthday even if stuck here with his sister and parents and no friends to celebrate with!

Will pop back on here when I have my results and will keep in touch with you re the 27th xx

So...an update after my results appointment today at the hospital. I was fortunate that they let me bring my husband in with me as the letter said I couldn't but when they called to say it was my turn to come in (had to wait in the car) they said it was fine to bring him in with me. Yay.

My breast surgeon was absolutely lovely - instantly clicked with her and she was so warm and caring, as was the breast care nurse who looked after me throughout. The surgeon came into the room and the first thing she said was "well you're a complicated one" which made me think eeek what does that mean??. Transpires that my biopsy was 'inconclusive" but the MDT all think it is looking like cancer so we are proceeding at the moment as if it is. I had already got my head around that after the consultant radiologist preparing me for that outcome at last week's breast clinic, so to be told it was inconclusive but most likely cancer was a weird feeling. She is concerned that this suspicious bit was only found on the diagnostic mammogram from last week and not the screening mammogram (the bit I was recalled on was fine last week and this new bit was discovered instead) and she is worried there might be other bits lurking around. So, next week on the 21st I am having a breast MRI where apparently you have to put your breasts in 'pots' as you lie on your stomach. I am amused at the idea they must change the pots depending on the size of your boobs. Then I have to go back the week after on the 28th for more biopsies of what they find on the MRI, then a proper consultation meeting on the 3rd Feb immediately after the MDT meet to discuss my results in the morning. And then I am booked for surgery on 16 Feb. Whatever they find she said it has to come out but she does think it will be proven cancerous. 

She explained that that the MRI was necessary to find out if lumpectomy will suffice or whether a mastectomy may be needed, and at the 3 Feb meeting she will be able to discuss full treatment plan once they have more info on what my lump is all about.

I feel quite relieved I am having an MRI because my problem lump (which can't even been felt - just the skin tethering with the two lines/dimpled area underneath my breast) was only picked up on the more powerful diagnostic mammogram last week. They only did my left breast as that was the one I was recalled on, so who knows  there could be something like that going on on the right hand side so two boobs in the MRI pots for me next week should give me piece of mind haha.

I asked about the impact of Covid on surgery etc and she said not to worry at all as they have an arrangement with a private hospital where all the same staff who are involved (anaesthetist, surgeon etc.) all just go and work there if no capacity in the NHS one. That made me feel massively relieved. Phew.

Right - that was a bit of a novel. Sorry for long post! Just feels quite cathartic to get it down in writing. In limbo land for another two or three weeks but at least I am fully in the system and I feel in really good hands. xx

Hi Kiwirunner. 
 

I'm Sorry to hear of your diagnosis but after your appointment today you are sounding very positive. I've had an MRI so wanted to let you know they are very painless, it's just the weirdest experience but is so beneficial for helping with your treatment plan

Wishing you a speedy recovery after your surgery. Can I ask what area you live in? 
 

Im awaiting results but have been told to expect cancer. The Covid situation worries me a lot as I don't want treatment to be slowed down as a result. 

Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you have gone on today..so pleased they let your husband go in with you. Sorry you dont have any firm answers as yet but still good news all sounds like it has been caught early and is very small. It must really make a difference to have a surgeon you felt comfortable with and really good news they have a plan in place should hospital be full and you will still get your treatment and care. 

I imagine you feel like this is all a dream but keep positive as you are it does sound positive. 

I'm always here if you need a chat, scream, shout or a cry just message me. 

Take care and keep in touch xxx

Hi KimMarie thanks so much for your message. I have fingers crossed for a good outcome for you too. When will you hear? I'm in the South West which is not as bad as other areas. I don't think we are allowed to say which hospital are we? I do hope that you are not delayed. It's stressful enough without worrying about Covid impact too. xx

Thank you so much a Janeylou. Yes I'm aiming to take a glass half full approach. That may dip when I get detailed results but won't know that until 3 Feb. Feels good to have dates in place though. Will be checking back with you on the 27th and thanks for offer on messaging. Will be in touch xx

Thank you, I have my appointment on the 22nd. I have everything crossed they are wrong. No better not to, but I am the South West too and they've said as long as all treatment is as an out patient I will be fine. It's all so scary without COVID getting in the way. 
Thanks for your reply 

Take care of yourself and stay positive xx

Hi kimMarie, I will keep everything crossed you get good news on 22nd xxx