Hi Janeylou. I know how you feel. I'm 51 and received a recall letter on Christmas Eve (great timing) saying an abnormality was found on my first screening mammogram. My clinic appt is 5 Jan and I can think of nothing else at the moment. I'm trying to keep distracted. My teenage daughter and husband saw me open the letter but I haven't told my teenage son or anyone else apart from my best friend. Kind of want to know what is actually the outcome before I worry other people. Will tell my boss (she is lovely) though as need time off work for the appt. My Mum and her mother (so my maternal grandmother) both had breast cancer. My grandmother died years ago from another cancer in the end and my Mum is doing fine, four years on. I had three (one per year) mammograms up to the age of 50 on the familial screening programme (which were all clear)but the last one was nearly two years ago (I'm 52 in February). When I  had the recall letter last week I then took a close look at my breasts as I hadn't noticed any lumps (I am a bit rubbish at checking though) and was horrified to see a considerable area of dimpling/puckering under my left inner breast - quite obvious lines and indents when I raise my arms. I have no idea how long they have been there as I don't go around with my arms in the air staring at my boobs Kind of wish I had now though. I can really understand what you are feeling and the waiting is awful as every scenario goes through your head. All I can say to you (and me!) is that most cases referred aren't cancer so let's hold onto that thought!! Good luck for tomorrow. X

Hi Kiwirunner, just wanted to let you know....my circumstances very similar to you, age 53 years, referral letter arrived the day before Christmas Eve.....not sure how I've got through Xmas as no extended family around to keep me busy as usual, due to their health issues (my sister has secondary breast cancer) Just myself, hubby and teen daughter, who, as you, saw me open referral letter, which I managed to play down.

Attended my appointment first thing today (my birthday) I was told that there was a change in one of my breasts so I had a more detailed mammogram and an ultrasound. After the ultrasound the consultant told me that I am absolutely fine and can go back to three yearly mammograms. 
 

Just wanted to give you some hope and let you know that things can still be okay even though you might think the worst....I found it so difficult to.stay positive. I was sooo scared, i am a bit of a glass half full person. It's awful having waited over Christmas, I can't tell you how stressed I've been. Good luck with your appointment and fingers crossed for you xx

I said I would come back and update after my breast clinic appt today. Looks like I am one of the less lucky ones as was told today it looks like breast cancer and to prepare for that when I get my biopsy results. However I am feeling quite positive as looks like it was caught early and shows the value of the national screening programme. The staff today were absolutely amazing and made me feel so cared for and relaxed. The nurse who looked after me  told me they found something on my left breast they wanted to look at more closely. I then had a more detailed mammogram than the screening one and had to wait while that was reviewed by the consultant radiologist. I was taken to see her (she was just so lovely - great bedside manner) and she had the images up on the screen to show me (quite weird seeing your boobs in all their glory lol) and showed me my last mammogram from 2 years ago when I was still on the family history screening programme. She then pulled up my national screening one from  December to show what had changed and said after the more detailed one done today she was now satisfied that concern was all fine. However, today's mammogram had identified a new area of concern - described as an incidental finding as they weren't looking for it. When I then told her it was in the same place as I had recently noticed some puckering/tethering of the skin she went "ahh OK" and I showed her when I raised my arms during the she said that was concerning. She then did the ultrasound and that confirmed the new suspicious area matched where I had skin distortion. Next she took four biopsies which sounds like a staple gun but didn't hurt once they gave local anaesthetic to the area. She sat me back down and said it does look like cancer but good news is that it is small (15mm on mammogram but only 10mm on ultrasound) and the nodes in my armpit all felt and scanned as if clear (phew). She started talking about surgery and radiation therapy being most likely but treatment plan would be discussed with me at results meeting with surgeon. The nurse then took me back to a room for a cup of tea and a chat about how I was feeling. A bit shocked but also not in another way as I had a feeling it was cancer. I feel oddly quite positive because it looks to have been caught early. Yay for screening and being that 1 in 100 women that screening picks up. And even more so in that it wasn't what they were planning to investigate today. Now it is just a waiting game for full diagnosis and treatment plan. I appreciate this is a long post but I was so hungry for info while I was waiting for my assessment clinic so I hope this is of help to others xx

Thank you for updating I have been thinking of you. I'm so sorry it was not the news you wanted. I hope you get everything back so you know what treatment and the plan is. It is very lucky that you were called back and today's was found as it sounds like it is very small and caught early which is the most important thing. I hope your ok and you have support at home. I am thinking of you keep positive my aunt had treatment 30 years ago and she is still great. Keep positive and take care xxxx

Thank you so much for taking the time, after what must have been a very stressful day, to update us. I'm so sorry that it wasn't positive news. Hopefully as you say, a positive is that it has been picked up early. Once you have a definite diagnosis and treatment plan in place, hopefully you'll be able to get your head around it all a little better. Hang onto the fact that it has been discovered early and treatment for you may not need to be as radical as others. I would love to keep in touch, if you would like to and have the time. Take care my lovely xx

Hi Janeylou and mumofteen, thanks very much for your kind words. I had a call this morning to say my results appointment has been set for the morning of Friday 15 January. The hospital doesn't generally allow anyone in with you to receive results and I didn't push for it as I understand the challenges with Covid, but the receptionist voluntarily told me to check on the day if it is possible as it depends on the space on the day for social distancing. Would be nice if my husband could be there. I have to wait in the car and then they call me to say the surgeon is free - a way of managing in the pandemic. Better than standing in the cold outside the unit yesterday which was freezing cold! Mumofteen that woud be lovely to keep in touch - not sure how the private messaging thing works on here as I am new to this forum. xx

Hi, positive that you have had some news this morning, hopefully you can have someone there when you speak to the consultant/surgeon. For me, I find a second ear is useful to pick up things that I may miss, especially under times of stress. I am also new to this forum and have requested you as a friend so that we can pm. I hope that okay. Always here if you feel like a chat. Xx

That would be good if you could have have your husband with you I agreed with mumofteen that someone with you helps. Thinking of you and keep positive hard at times I know but sounds like this is tiny and caught so early. I will also send private message to keep in touch always there for a chat sometimes helps when it is someone that isnt a family member.  Take care thinking of you now and for the 15th xxx keep positive x

Hi , just popped on to see how you are kiwi runner  x

Hi Janeylou, that is nice of you to check in on me :-) Bit of a roller coaster to be fair. I was feeling quite chipper last week when they identified that the lump is small (10mm) but the waiting to get the actual result this Friday on the biopsy is sending my mind to all sorts of places. They seemed certain at the Breast Clinic last week that it would be confirmed as cancerous and said good news that my lymph nodes seemed clear, but said I need to obviously find out what Grade it is and whether slow growing or fast etc. I'll find that sort of stuff out at my appt on Friday with the breast surgeon which is 10.30am. I think what has set me off a bit this week is seeing the impact of surging Covid on hospital capacity and seeing that cancer operations are being cancelled or postponed in London or the South East. I live in the South West where it is not quite as bad but we are getting a really big uplift where I am at the moment really freaks me out that my treatment plan may be delayed because of people who are not following the Covid rules. I was talking with my Mum in New Zealand last night (she had breast cancer four years ago) and she is quite upset at the idea of how Covid is impacting people with other health conditions (like cancer) here in the UK. She's my Mum and she can't help worrying but it is actually just making me feel more worried because she is!. My late Dad always used to say "there is no point worrying about things you cannot change" and I think I just have to agree and keep fingers crossed for a slow-growing cancer and not too many delays to treatment. Will learn all of that on Friday I guess. And on other fronts, I am just so envious of family and friends living in NZ who are living lives without any restrictions at all - they are Covid free and having a lovely summer. I kind of wish I were there right now! Been here 12.5 years but it will always be my home. Gosh -didn't reallse I was going to write such a long message. I am terribly distracted at work - my team know I went off to a medical appointment last week and know I have another one coming up. Will have to tell them and other colleagues next week I think once I have a definite understanding of what I am facing. Hope you are doing well and surviving lockdown OK xx

Janeylou I forgot to ask what date you have been given for your follow up on the second lump they wanted to check again in four weeks. Are you managing to keep it out of your mind? I imagine they are just being super careful in checking and hopefully all will be fine! xx

Hi sorry I did not reply not had a great week with my anxiety. I am thinking of you how are you doing ? I will be thinking of you tomorow and I am sure you will have positive news and you will know the plan and can get on with treatment. Xxx

My appointment is 27th x

Hi sorry I did not reply not had a great week with my anxiety. I am thinking of you how are you doing ? I will be thinking of you tomorow and I am sure you will have positive news and you will know the plan and can get on with treatment. Xxx

My appointment is 27th x

Thanks  Janeylou‍ . Sorry to hear you have had a tough week. It is not easy is it?

I really appreciate your supportive thoughts.

It has been such a long 10/11 days between the breast clinic when they said it looked like cancer, and then the results appt tomorrow; I just want to know how good or bad it is when I get the results tomorrow. We know it is small (10mm) but as they said last week now I need to find out what Grade it is to know if slow, medium or fast-growing. Of course, the mind tends to focus on the worst case scenario!

My Mum had a Grade 1, slow-growing tumour so hopefully, that will be me too. I have found it SO hard to focus at work. I am sure my team have clocked onto me been super distracted, and in meetings, I normally contribute a lot but have sat in various video calls with colleagues, not saying much at all as my mind is totally elsewhere. My line manager is really supportive and I will update her tomorrow too. She said I am the 5th person she has managed who has had breast cancer and the other four are all going strong apparently which is encouraging.

Meanwhile, trying to hold it together and doing things that make me feel good. I'm a trail runner and that has been even more beneficial of late.. Getting muddy and out running in the woods and across fields that are on my doorstep in the village I live in has been a good way of releasing stress and tension.

It's my son's 19th birthday today and he is home from university at the moment (with an exam on his birthday - poor sod!) so need to be cheerful today so he has some semblance of a reasonable birthday even if stuck here with his sister and parents and no friends to celebrate with!

Will pop back on here when I have my results and will keep in touch with you re the 27th xx

So...an update after my results appointment today at the hospital. I was fortunate that they let me bring my husband in with me as the letter said I couldn't but when they called to say it was my turn to come in (had to wait in the car) they said it was fine to bring him in with me. Yay.

My breast surgeon was absolutely lovely - instantly clicked with her and she was so warm and caring, as was the breast care nurse who looked after me throughout. The surgeon came into the room and the first thing she said was "well you're a complicated one" which made me think eeek what does that mean??. Transpires that my biopsy was 'inconclusive" but the MDT all think it is looking like cancer so we are proceeding at the moment as if it is. I had already got my head around that after the consultant radiologist preparing me for that outcome at last week's breast clinic, so to be told it was inconclusive but most likely cancer was a weird feeling. She is concerned that this suspicious bit was only found on the diagnostic mammogram from last week and not the screening mammogram (the bit I was recalled on was fine last week and this new bit was discovered instead) and she is worried there might be other bits lurking around. So, next week on the 21st I am having a breast MRI where apparently you have to put your breasts in 'pots' as you lie on your stomach. I am amused at the idea they must change the pots depending on the size of your boobs. Then I have to go back the week after on the 28th for more biopsies of what they find on the MRI, then a proper consultation meeting on the 3rd Feb immediately after the MDT meet to discuss my results in the morning. And then I am booked for surgery on 16 Feb. Whatever they find she said it has to come out but she does think it will be proven cancerous. 

She explained that that the MRI was necessary to find out if lumpectomy will suffice or whether a mastectomy may be needed, and at the 3 Feb meeting she will be able to discuss full treatment plan once they have more info on what my lump is all about.

I feel quite relieved I am having an MRI because my problem lump (which can't even been felt - just the skin tethering with the two lines/dimpled area underneath my breast) was only picked up on the more powerful diagnostic mammogram last week. They only did my left breast as that was the one I was recalled on, so who knows  there could be something like that going on on the right hand side so two boobs in the MRI pots for me next week should give me piece of mind haha.

I asked about the impact of Covid on surgery etc and she said not to worry at all as they have an arrangement with a private hospital where all the same staff who are involved (anaesthetist, surgeon etc.) all just go and work there if no capacity in the NHS one. That made me feel massively relieved. Phew.

Right - that was a bit of a novel. Sorry for long post! Just feels quite cathartic to get it down in writing. In limbo land for another two or three weeks but at least I am fully in the system and I feel in really good hands. xx

Hi Kiwirunner. 
 

I'm Sorry to hear of your diagnosis but after your appointment today you are sounding very positive. I've had an MRI so wanted to let you know they are very painless, it's just the weirdest experience but is so beneficial for helping with your treatment plan

Wishing you a speedy recovery after your surgery. Can I ask what area you live in? 
 

Im awaiting results but have been told to expect cancer. The Covid situation worries me a lot as I don't want treatment to be slowed down as a result. 

Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you have gone on today..so pleased they let your husband go in with you. Sorry you dont have any firm answers as yet but still good news all sounds like it has been caught early and is very small. It must really make a difference to have a surgeon you felt comfortable with and really good news they have a plan in place should hospital be full and you will still get your treatment and care. 

I imagine you feel like this is all a dream but keep positive as you are it does sound positive. 

I'm always here if you need a chat, scream, shout or a cry just message me. 

Take care and keep in touch xxx

Hi KimMarie thanks so much for your message. I have fingers crossed for a good outcome for you too. When will you hear? I'm in the South West which is not as bad as other areas. I don't think we are allowed to say which hospital are we? I do hope that you are not delayed. It's stressful enough without worrying about Covid impact too. xx

Thank you so much a Janeylou. Yes I'm aiming to take a glass half full approach. That may dip when I get detailed results but won't know that until 3 Feb. Feels good to have dates in place though. Will be checking back with you on the 27th and thanks for offer on messaging. Will be in touch xx

Thank you, I have my appointment on the 22nd. I have everything crossed they are wrong. No better not to, but I am the South West too and they've said as long as all treatment is as an out patient I will be fine. It's all so scary without COVID getting in the way. 
Thanks for your reply 

Take care of yourself and stay positive xx

Hi kimMarie, I will keep everything crossed you get good news on 22nd xxx

Thank you, I've got it all tightly crossed too xx

Hope your both doing ok xxx