Hi Janeylou. I know how you feel. I'm 51 and received a recall letter on Christmas Eve (great timing) saying an abnormality was found on my first screening mammogram. My clinic appt is 5 Jan and I can think of nothing else at the moment. I'm trying to keep distracted. My teenage daughter and husband saw me open the letter but I haven't told my teenage son or anyone else apart from my best friend. Kind of want to know what is actually the outcome before I worry other people. Will tell my boss (she is lovely) though as need time off work for the appt. My Mum and her mother (so my maternal grandmother) both had breast cancer. My grandmother died years ago from another cancer in the end and my Mum is doing fine, four years on. I had three (one per year) mammograms up to the age of 50 on the familial screening programme (which were all clear)but the last one was nearly two years ago (I'm 52 in February). When I  had the recall letter last week I then took a close look at my breasts as I hadn't noticed any lumps (I am a bit rubbish at checking though) and was horrified to see a considerable area of dimpling/puckering under my left inner breast - quite obvious lines and indents when I raise my arms. I have no idea how long they have been there as I don't go around with my arms in the air staring at my boobs Kind of wish I had now though. I can really understand what you are feeling and the waiting is awful as every scenario goes through your head. All I can say to you (and me!) is that most cases referred aren't cancer so let's hold onto that thought!! Good luck for tomorrow. X

Hi Kiwirunner, just wanted to let you know....my circumstances very similar to you, age 53 years, referral letter arrived the day before Christmas Eve.....not sure how I've got through Xmas as no extended family around to keep me busy as usual, due to their health issues (my sister has secondary breast cancer) Just myself, hubby and teen daughter, who, as you, saw me open referral letter, which I managed to play down.

Attended my appointment first thing today (my birthday) I was told that there was a change in one of my breasts so I had a more detailed mammogram and an ultrasound. After the ultrasound the consultant told me that I am absolutely fine and can go back to three yearly mammograms. 
 

Just wanted to give you some hope and let you know that things can still be okay even though you might think the worst....I found it so difficult to.stay positive. I was sooo scared, i am a bit of a glass half full person. It's awful having waited over Christmas, I can't tell you how stressed I've been. Good luck with your appointment and fingers crossed for you xx

Hiya! I've been wanting to get in touch but am still waiting for my results! There was a delay with the bank holiday/Easter hols and now God knows what's going on. I know it's just a case of waiting but I'm if I'm honest I'm struggling. The past few weeks have been full of stress with my ex husband kicking off twice a week when he has contact with my daughter. I've just spent the last 2 weeks trying to fill out an application when I'm really not feeling up to it. Been feeling like ive lost motivation a bit?? Trying to focus my day on getting better but just feeling overwhelmed with the court stuff. Thankfully I've just finished it and drove it down to court myself!  I've just started driving again-short distance but it feels good to get out! 
Anyway enough about me! How are you? I hope you're doing well and not over doing it work wise! Take your time with jogging. If you feel like it get out there but don't compare yourself to months ago. Xx

My mammogram showed distortion, nothing showed on ultrasound, had a vacuum biopsy and diagnosed with idc. It's messing with my head because I cannot feel it. Bern given no proper sizings, consultant advised it was small on my mammogram image. I had an enhanced one as well. Can I ask abit more about yrs please and test you had xxx

Oh my goodness [@JenLam]‍ a month later and I have only just seen this - I haven't been on here that much lately and when I am not tagged in a post with the :@ symbol I don't realise there is a reply there. I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through outside of all the cancer issues - that is a lot of stress to manage on top of the medical side of things :-( It's hard enough dealing with the big C let alone some major emotional pressures as well. If you can get through each day at a time that will be a small victory. Are you still waiting on results or do you have any more news?

I'm doing pretty well - had a  bit of knee and ankle stiffness with the Anastrozole but that seems to hav setttled down now thank goodness as I was really worried about the joint pain that can cause. I get the occasional hot flush with it but otherwise pretty good. Had my bone density scan last week for my baseline measure and although I have to wait about six to eight weeks for the results, the radiographer said my scores on the screen at the time looked good so I have my fingers crossed that the final report will confirm that.

Been doing really well on the whole but the last two weeks I have been feeling pretty rubbish - getting the same sort of symptoms I used to have when I had endometriosis. Bit weird though as I had a hysterectomy 13 years ago so the pelvic and abdominal pain and the bloating doesn't make a lot of sense. I just hope there is nothing going on with my ovaries. I have my 8 week follow up call with my oncologist on Weds so will mention it to her and I imagine I probably need to make an appt with my GP.  

So sorry to have missed your message - particularly as you have been in my thoughts. Do keep me posted on all that is going on for you. Virtual hugs )) xx

Hi [@Shazlarr]‍ thanks for your message. I know it does tend to mess with your head but it is good news that they have found things early by the sound of it. I had loads of tests because mine was picked up on a mammogram recall assessment. The area of concern I was recalled on turned out to be fine but they spotted a new area on the more enhanced mammogram and then ultrasound. I was told on the day it looked like cancer but we needed the biopsy results to know what it was exactlyThey biopsied it on the day but the results were inconclusive so I had an MRI which then showed the original area of concern also needed to be looked at again! Then I went back for two biopsies on the same day - vacuum assisted while in the mammogram machine for one, and with the ultrasound for the other. Those results came back then showing no evidence of cancer in either but they weren't convinced as histology results from first biopsy indicated there was probably malignancy but inconclusive. They decided that area did need to come out with surgery but before that they biopsied the second area again to see if I need a mastectomy or just wide local excision for the first area of concern. That one came back benign (radial scar and sclerosing adneosis). I then had the surgery and it wasn't until the results from the surgery that I was finally diagnosed with cancer. It was absolutely tiny though - 3mm of  Grade 1 Tubular Carcinoma (very rare), with 5mm of Intermediate Grade DCIS next to it, all hidden behind another radial scar (different to the one that was considered benign). Like you, I couldn't feel anything, although I did have some tethering where my skin was pulling in over the dodgy area when I put my arms over my head.

What have they said is the next step for you now? xx

Thank you for sharing that.  Just been informed of my sizing I know its a rough sizing of 11mm, I do have another area of dcis whic is small but just over 5cm away from my invasive, I have decided on masectomy with reconstruction.  Was referred to plastics team,  last Wednesday and my bcn has chased them up this morning so I am hoping it won't be long. Think I have to be seen in clinic to be measured, then surgery booked. What your next step pls xxx

Hi [@Shazlarr]‍ that sounds like things are moving ahead for you and you've made a decision about your surgery and reconstruction. I think once you know what is actually going on it gives you more peace of mind as you know you have a plan to follow and some of the uncertainty has been taken away.

Nothing more needed for me at this stage. After my lumpectomy I had radiotherapy which went fine with very little on the side effects for me and now I am on Anastrozole for five years as my cancer was 8/8 for oestrogen positive (i.e.my cancer is very sensitive to oestrogen and the growth is fuelled by it - the drug stops my body making oestrogen to reduce the chances of cancer coming back).

Now I will be followed up with a yearly MRI for the next three years and a yearly mammogram for the next five years. Now trying to throw 'cancer' off my shoulder where it has been sitting whispering in my ear "what if I come back?!" and looking forward with a positive mindset.

Wishing you lots of good thoughts for the next challenge you have ahead of you. Take each bit as it comes and know that you are in good hands and you will get through it.

Take care xx

Hi [@kiwirunner]‍ 

How are you? Whats the latest news with you? So sorry it's been a while! Chemo has taken its toll !!! I had a few bad reactions so it's taken me a while to get back on my feet! I hope you've had good news with results. Sending hugs xx

Hi [@JenLam]‍ how good to hear from you! I have thought of you often and wondered how you were getting on. I'm sorry to hear you have had a rough time with reactions to the chemo. How are you faring now? Have you got much more to go? I know you thought you'd be off work for quite some time. You have had a much harder time of it than me - I do hope you are hanging in there and taking each day as it comes. You've got this!

I'm doing fine really. Got through treatment without any fatigue or specific issues and I'm not having any side effects from the Anastrozole which  I was concerned about having read about the awful experience some women have. I'm back to running and life in general and am off to do some more walking of the South West Coast Path later this week. On the whole life is good but definitely a general sense of feeling flat a few months down the line.

I ended up back at the Breast Unit last week as I was concerned about a new area of firmness near the second area they biopsied twice and decided was benign. My breast surgeon is so wonderful - I love her to bits - she is so human and caring. She reasured me that the new area of firmness was actually my body filling in the area that had lots of tissue removed with two very extensive vacuum assisted biopsies, and it had gone harder due to the effects of the radiotherapy. That was a relief. We had a really good chat as she identified that I was a 'coper' who had taken all of this in my stride but I was struggling under the surface to process it, and it is not actually very healthy to have held it all in.  She seemed to know me better than I know myself and said she guessed  I felt a bit of a fraud for having only early stage and small breast cancer that didn't require chemo and therefore she asked if  didn't feel I had the right to be as upset as women who are going through a much worse time of it than I did. Weird I know, becase I know I am lucky to not have faced what you have been dealing with for example. She absolutely nailed it as that is how I have felt and still feel - it has been hard to stop thinking about it -  and she wants me to have a session with the clinical psychologist in the breast unit so I can just work through that and let it go. Ironically I now feel bad that I will take the place of someone else who might have a worse cancer experience than me as I don'f feel as worthy of using that resource.

Anyway, she is one of the most fabulous doctors I have ever been under the care of and I am grateful that she was able to see me as a whole person and not just a body with cancer.

I hope your wonderful sense of humour has kept you going when you've had the tough days, and I hope the sitaution on the personal front with your ex husband is getting sorted?!

Hugs to you xx

Hi [@kiwirunner]‍ 

How r u? I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. The time has flown by. Been struggling for a while and thought perhaps if I off load a bit it might help? 
 

Can I privately message u? 
I hope you're recovering well and the last few months haven't been too harsh on you! 
 

Hugs

Jen 

 HI @JenLam  sorry to hear you are finding it tough.. Please do send me a message and we can pick up our old chats. You weee a great support to me at the time last year xx

 HI @JenLam  sorry to hear you are finding it tough.. Please do send me a message and we can pick up our old chats. You weee a great support to me at the time last year xx

Hi [@kiwirunner]‍ 

I suppose it all comes down to how unwell I've been lately. I've realised that although I've had some great days during chemo I was ill with side effects and reactions. ...now my health still isn't good and I'm struggling. It's been soooo long since I could do anything. I'm feeling like depression is creeping in and my anxiety is through the roof some days. Most days. I feel like life is coming at me at all angles!!!! And I'm too slow to take anything on!!!! Perhaps I've just turned into a moaning git? Who knows. I'm thankful that I'm here but day to day activities like showering and walking the dog are the highlight of my day. Every few days I'm ill with a low temp and fever like symptoms. GP has put it down to immunotherapy tablets. Hmmm, I just feel a bit lost and alone. Even writing that and reading it back sounds ridiculous. I've had the all clear one way or another but why aren't I celebrating every bloody moment I've got on this Planet?!!!!

Please tell me how you've been? How's the running? 

Jen

Hi [@JenLam]‍ that sounds pretty tough and you should never feel like you have to apologise for how you feel. It's the reality that you are living through and your emotions are yours and very real.

Those ongoing physical symptoms over a year later sound really challenging and it is no wonder it is hitting your mood hard. After all you've been through that's a long lasting sting in the tail.

My situation is different because my cancer was caught early and I didn't need chemo, only radiotherapy. But because of that I found it hard to move on and felt like I didn't deserve to feel sad as my breast cancer was not as bad as others. I was really struggling to move on. I had gone back to see my breast surgeon about a lump which turned out to be nothing but she spotted I needed help and arranged a couple of sessions with the breast unit's clinical psychologist. It was such a helpful thing to talk with him and helped me so much to process my emotions (although I then felt guilty I was taking up sessions that someone with more serious cancer might need...!). Do you have that option through your breast unit?
If not can you go back to your GP and explain how it is impacting you? You shouldn't have to be shouldering this on your own.

Apart from the emotions, those physical symptoms sound challenging. How long are you on the tablets for?
 

I am on Anastrozole for 5 years and 14 months in I'm doing fine with no side effects. I think the regular running (my saviour!) is helping. My husband and I have been doing more of the South West Coast Path and have now have only 2 sections to go which we will finish next month. When we started back on that after treatment ended I felt like a weak little lamb trying to climb the path so its good to be back out there. And it is great that you are walking the dog regularly. The psychologist said one of the most important things you can do for mental and emotional recovery is to exercise in nature. I find it helps massively.

Look at me - I have never been able to write a short post! I will see if I can work out how to do a private message to you as well.

Hugs to you.

Simone xx

Hey [@kiwirunner]‍ 

You're right. I need to accept where I am on the recovery road. It's weird feeling so pumped up and ready to take anything on and now the symptoms are ongoing and life is very different. 
I know what I mean about not deserving to feel sad as your cancer isn't 'as bad' as others. It all depends how your body reacts to things. 
Im actually a qualified counsellor! Which makes me feel worse as I know what I need to be doing but just can't get it it together! I've been unwell again and a *** up with prescriptions meant a drive to hospital today. It didn't go well in that I felt awful and it was a real struggle sorting it out. My husband is extremely exhausted as he's been doing everything love him. 
 

Tbh my gp wouldn't do much apart from stick me on a waiting list for counselling or give me anti depressants. 
 

that's brilliant that you've accomplished so much. Being able to share ur running with your husband is great too. I've been getting to the park as much as I can as it really helps me mentally. Some days it's not possible. 
Im on these tablets -Exemestane for 5 years. Hopefully the symptoms will subside soon. 
 

Thank you! Take care

Jen