Hi Janeylou. I know how you feel. I'm 51 and received a recall letter on Christmas Eve (great timing) saying an abnormality was found on my first screening mammogram. My clinic appt is 5 Jan and I can think of nothing else at the moment. I'm trying to keep distracted. My teenage daughter and husband saw me open the letter but I haven't told my teenage son or anyone else apart from my best friend. Kind of want to know what is actually the outcome before I worry other people. Will tell my boss (she is lovely) though as need time off work for the appt. My Mum and her mother (so my maternal grandmother) both had breast cancer. My grandmother died years ago from another cancer in the end and my Mum is doing fine, four years on. I had three (one per year) mammograms up to the age of 50 on the familial screening programme (which were all clear)but the last one was nearly two years ago (I'm 52 in February). When I  had the recall letter last week I then took a close look at my breasts as I hadn't noticed any lumps (I am a bit rubbish at checking though) and was horrified to see a considerable area of dimpling/puckering under my left inner breast - quite obvious lines and indents when I raise my arms. I have no idea how long they have been there as I don't go around with my arms in the air staring at my boobs Kind of wish I had now though. I can really understand what you are feeling and the waiting is awful as every scenario goes through your head. All I can say to you (and me!) is that most cases referred aren't cancer so let's hold onto that thought!! Good luck for tomorrow. X

Hi Kiwirunner, just wanted to let you know....my circumstances very similar to you, age 53 years, referral letter arrived the day before Christmas Eve.....not sure how I've got through Xmas as no extended family around to keep me busy as usual, due to their health issues (my sister has secondary breast cancer) Just myself, hubby and teen daughter, who, as you, saw me open referral letter, which I managed to play down.

Attended my appointment first thing today (my birthday) I was told that there was a change in one of my breasts so I had a more detailed mammogram and an ultrasound. After the ultrasound the consultant told me that I am absolutely fine and can go back to three yearly mammograms. 
 

Just wanted to give you some hope and let you know that things can still be okay even though you might think the worst....I found it so difficult to.stay positive. I was sooo scared, i am a bit of a glass half full person. It's awful having waited over Christmas, I can't tell you how stressed I've been. Good luck with your appointment and fingers crossed for you xx

Hey [@JenLam]‍ i just wanted to wish you all the best for your surgery tomorrow. 
How did Thursday go with your daughter's birthday, your chest x-ray and the dye injection? What a full on day for you!
Thinking of you and here's hoping it all goes well xx

Hi really sorry i have not been on for some time. As you know i had really good news with my breast lump. Didnt feel i should therefore keep commenting when you are all going through so much. I often think about you all and i do appreciate that i was lucky on this occasion. I am wishing you all well and keeping everything crossed for you all . Sending you all so much love and good luck xxx

Hiya! :laugh:
Thursday went really well all things considered! No where near painful just a little uncomfortable and only for a minute. My daughter Farrah really enjoyed. R u on Facebook or Instagram? Chest x ray all done too was in and out in a jiff. 
 

Little nervous about tomorrow but was more worried about the isotope injection?? Weird?! 
The old noggin has had a shave and looks better than what I thought so I'm happy Id recommend having the chop to any woman. It's liberating and I feel like a new woman! 
 

Thank u for ur message. Means so much. I have loads of support and love around me am appreciating every minute. My husband has been brilliant but I can see it's taking its toll on him which is hard. 
How r u doing? What's next on the agenda for u now? I hope ur keeping ur self care in check and u know where I am if u need a chat. 
jen xx

Hi [@JenLam]‍ sorry not been on here for a bit. Glad last week went well. How was surgery on Monday and how are you feeling now? Hope you are taking it easy!

I know what you mean - my husband has been brilliant but I worried about the emotional load on him. Hardest thing post-op is remembering not to lift heavy things or reach over your head. I kept forgetting and then my body would remind me! I used it as a good excuse to have him and my daughter look after stuff for the first few days and then I realised I was a useless patient and just wanted to do stuff :laugh:

I am fine. Enjoying having a bit of a mental break from it all while I wait to start radiotherapy on 29 March. I jazzed things up with a root canal on Monday. Gawd that was horrendous. 90 minutes of lying rigid with my hands clasped in terror. Found all the breast cancer stuff easier to cope with!
 

 I've decided I will take a bit of time off work for the radiotherapy. Just means it is so busy at work now trying to get projects sorted and making sure my team will be ok when I am off. I'm too conscientious for my own good and just need to put my health first for a change. 

Well I hope you are doing well. Will you get full pathology report at a post op follow up next week do you know?

Keep me posted and thinking of you xx

Hi Kiwirunner!

Long time no speak.  The surgery went well but I had a bit of a reaction to anaesthetic so they kept me in overnight.  I then had an infection and was feeling rough but Dr came to the house to check me over and give antibiotics so I;m back on the mend now! Constipation has become real! All the drugs have taken their toll but I'm feeling so much better today thankfully!

I know what you mean about trying to be a good patient!! I'm trying to take control of the little things whcih in turn make things easier for those around me which I find a big help mentally too.  I think we both need to learn to let go of some of these things, just for now while we recover.

The root canal sounds so harsh and that will take a toll on yur body too so you have to remember to give yourself a break.  It's not forever! Same goes for work as well, I'm sure your team can cope and by trusting them to get things done you're giving them the opportunity to feel like they're helping. :) 

I should get my results either 26 March or 29 I think it would be good to have more information on how to move forward with things! Been thinking of you too, stay strong and take care of yourself hun. xx

Hi [@JenLam]‍ gosh you opted for a bit of a dramatic experience with our anaesthetic reaction and then an infection! You sound like your usual perky self though and seem to be dealing with it well (although we can give ourselves permission to not feel great on days too...). That will be another good step forward to get your full results from the surgery. I hope they got clear margins and things are looking good on that front - do keep me posted won't you.

You have been in my thoughts even if I have not been on here as much lately. Trying to get things tied off at work this week, and even more so as discoverd today that I am due to start radiotherapy on Friday 26th rather than Monday 29th!  I thought it was odd when I got home from my planning appt to see there were only four days of treatment scheduled on the form they gave me, when I was meant to be having five days. On Sunday, I was registering my Covid home testing kit that the hospital sent and that flagged up I was in the system to do a test on Tuesday, implying I was starting radiotherapy on Friday instead.

I emailed the person in charge of the radiotherapy appointments on Sunday afternoon so it was there this morning and by 8.15am she had already replied today (Monday) to say yes it is meant to start on Friday! My NHS trust continues to impress at how responsive they are.

I am going to take the treatment week off and the week after, so now trying to wedge five days of work into four days! I'm starting to tell more people at work as with a second bit of time off it is looking odd why I am not available for things. I'm a completely open book with friends and family but for some reason I haven't been quite my usual 'over sharing' self at work :laugh:. I work for a big organisation with 2000 staff so just cherry picking who needs to know. My manager and my team are amazing and that makes such a difference. To be honest I am rather looking forward to taking a bit of time out as it has been a mad few months with so much going on with the cancer stuff drawn out over such a period of time.

Anyway - enough of me banging on - would love to hear how you are doing and how you get on with results.

You take care too xxxx

Hi Kiwirunner!

I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts! I just had a good think about how well I want things to go for you and how everyone around you is doing all they can to help you through this. Don't stress about work. You need all your energy to heal and recover. You've got this in the bag, lady!! (Had to add a comma - I'm not calling u a baglady!:wink:)
Jen x

Hey [@JenLam]‍ always nice to hear from you and you make me laugh every time. Punctuation makes the world of difference and nice to think I am not a bag lady :laugh:

Had my first radiotherapy session this morning. All went fine - felt like I was in a Mission Impossible film with the green beams all over my body and on the ceiling. Love the chat between the radiographers as they throw numbers and and measurements at each other while prodding you into the exact right position. You just lie there pretending it is all totally normal with your boobs in their full glory with two people have a perfectly nice little natter and also including you in a bit of banter.The actual treatment time is only about a minute out of the whole 25 min appt.

They asked me at the end if I was in a brass band (?!) as my lung capacity/ability to hold my breath was rather impressive. Who knew? I was crap at the recorder and the piano but never picked up a trumpet or a tuba. Haha.

Anyway - how about you? How are you doing post surgery?  You are due to get your results today or on Monday aren't you? Have been thinking of you too and have hoping you are doing OK. Do let me know how you get on with the results and next steps. Take care xx

Hi ‍♀️ 

Long time no speak! It's been a bit hectic in the last two weeks! I got brilliant results on the 29th - they got out all the cancer and the lymph nodes were clear!!!! So chuffed! However, when I got home we had a visit from the police. My ex husband decided to ask for a welfare check as he thought my daughter had no bed and wasn't eating!!! Since he found out I have cancer the harassment has got worse so I'm doing what I can at court and Womens Aid have been a massive help! Just need to get things in place so I can recover in peace! Anyway that's a whole other forum!!! 
 

How are feeling after radiotherapy now? I heard that sometimes a couple weeks after is when it can make you a bit squeasy? Glad your first experience was a good one and you make it sound a breeze!!! When they asked if you'd been in a brass band??!!!! Nice set of lungs on you!  Add it to your CV I say!
I hope you're not working too much and are giving yourself proper time to recover. Xx I've just realised that I'm probably going to be off work for 6 months at least and then when I need the other bap done it may be another 6 months. Eek! It's made a realise that I need some sort of routine going on cos I've been so tired lately my sleeping pattern is all over the place. I'm exhausted but can't sleep?!! What's that about init!! I've looked up lumpectomy recovery times and they range from weeks to 6-12 months (until everything's functioning to peak performance. Like doing full on cartwheels without the risk of your *** feeling like they'll explode). I've also looked up recovery for an uplift/mammoplasty which is pretty much 3 months tops (we're talking starjumps with minimum security of (bra)ge and no pain. Feels like a million miles away at the moment but I'm doing my exercises and trying to make friends with my new boobie. There was what can only be described as a 'nub' sitting just under where you'd expect a nipple to be on a ***. I freaked a bit! I thought 'I've just asked the surgeon to take off my nipple and she's tried to fashion some sort of grim (slightly smaller than a man's sized nipple) nub!' Luckily my hubby said it was just where the skin folds back together and it'll heal into the scar. He was right it's smooth now! Phew!

Im hoping to find out if I need chemo next week. What with the Easter bank hols it's delayed the result coming back for the Oncotype test. 
 

How have you been the past couple of weeks? Be good to hear back soon. Xx 

Hi [@JenLam]‍ wow you sure know how to pack in the action. First up, can I just say how sorry I am to hear of the meddling that your ex-husband is doing (meddling being far too polite a word...). That is seriously uncool and the last thing you need when you are handling all of this cancer gubbins too. I hope you and your husband can form a strong team and protect your daughter from all of that unseemly behaviour. That is just not on.

Sounds like you have a lot going on with the cancer stuff too and pleased to hear that 'Nub-gate' is resolved and that has healed over. Getting your head around a new nipple was another step so I'm glad that is healing overly nicely for you.

I can relate to the exhausted but struggling to sleep but even so I am not facing the time off that you are - that is quite a long stretch isn't it. A friend who  has been through cancer gave me some good advice today when I was feeling down that I am so unfit compared to normal (I went for a run/shuffle yesterday because I miss it so much - I managed a mile before I had to start walking again. Two years ago I was training for a 50km event!). She said stop trying to get back to your old normal and just accept that things have shifted and microsteps back to where you'd like to be is the way forward. If we set ourselves unrealistic expecations then the feelings of not hitting what you expect to will just be harder to take. And we have had enough going on to add to things to beat ourselves up about. It really made me take stock and appreciate what I do have and how well I am doing overall. I hope you can grab that feeling too - your attitude to date has been great but it is also OK to say "gawd this is hard".

I'm pleased to say I am doing well. I finished radiotherapy on Good Friday - so 10 days ago - and I am not feeling any particularly fatigue. I decided to go back to work today (still working from home so much easier and doing shorter days just to pace myself . Maybe the fatigue will come in the next few days but so far so good. I am however sporting a rather delightful radiotheraphy rash - almost like dermatitis where a big section of skin is all raised and bumpy and red and very itchy. It woke me up the other night and I was itching it like mad before remembering I am not meant to do that. I think that is meant to get worse over next few days before coming right. It's bearable though.

The biggest thing to get my head around was starting the endocrine therapy though. I found out I am indeed menopausal (just turned 52 and had a hysterectomy when I was 39 so no periods to give me a clue as to what was happening) so I am now on Anastrozole. I was feeling completely freaked out about it, having read the side effects and needing a baseline bone density scan (waiting on that appt) as it causes bone thinning as well as all sorts of other fun things. I picked up the prescription from the hsopital pharmacy on Friday and then sat and stared at the box for a day thinking about how much I didn't want to put it in my body. Then I had to remind myself my cancer was 8/8 for oestrogen hungry and the little blighter was gobbling up oestrogen to feed itself, so it has to be done. So I took the first one on Sat night and then another last night and about to pop day number 3. So far, I haven't expoded and nothing has fallen off :laugh:so I guess we'll have to see what develops, but no immediate effects in the first 48 hours. Just 5 years minus 2 days to go...

Do let me know how you get on with the results re chemo or not. That is another big step if you have to go down that route but you've got this and you'll get through it. Here for a chat whenever.

Take care xxx

Hi [@JenLam]‍ wow you sure know how to pack in the action. First up, can I just say how sorry I am to hear of the meddling that your ex-husband is doing (meddling being far too polite a word...). That is seriously uncool and the last thing you need when you are handling all of this cancer gubbins too. I hope you and your husband can form a strong team and protect your daughter from all of that unseemly behaviour. That is just not on.

Sounds like you have a lot going on with the cancer stuff too and pleased to hear that 'Nub-gate' is resolved and that has healed over. Getting your head around a new nipple was another step so I'm glad that is healing overly nicely for you.

I can relate to the exhausted but struggling to sleep but even so I am not facing the time off that you are - that is quite a long stretch isn't it. A friend who  has been through cancer gave me some good advice today when I was feeling down that I am so unfit compared to normal (I went for a run/shuffle yesterday because I miss it so much - I managed a mile before I had to start walking again. Two years ago I was training for a 50km event!). She said stop trying to get back to your old normal and just accept that things have shifted and microsteps back to where you'd like to be is the way forward. If we set ourselves unrealistic expecations then the feelings of not hitting what you expect to will just be harder to take. And we have had enough going on to add to things to beat ourselves up about. It really made me take stock and appreciate what I do have and how well I am doing overall. I hope you can grab that feeling too - your attitude to date has been great but it is also OK to say "gawd this is hard".

I'm pleased to say I am doing well. I finished radiotherapy on Good Friday - so 10 days ago - and I am not feeling any particularly fatigue. I decided to go back to work today (still working from home so much easier and doing shorter days just to pace myself . Maybe the fatigue will come in the next few days but so far so good. I am however sporting a rather delightful radiotheraphy rash - almost like dermatitis where a big section of skin is all raised and bumpy and red and very itchy. It woke me up the other night and I was itching it like mad before remembering I am not meant to do that. I think that is meant to get worse over next few days before coming right. It's bearable though.

The biggest thing to get my head around was starting the endocrine therapy though. I found out I am indeed menopausal (just turned 52 and had a hysterectomy when I was 39 so no periods to give me a clue as to what was happening) so I am now on Anastrozole. I was feeling completely freaked out about it, having read the side effects and needing a baseline bone density scan (waiting on that appt) as it causes bone thinning as well as all sorts of other fun things. I picked up the prescription from the hsopital pharmacy on Friday and then sat and stared at the box for a day thinking about how much I didn't want to put it in my body. Then I had to remind myself my cancer was 8/8 for oestrogen hungry and the little blighter was gobbling up oestrogen to feed itself, so it has to be done. So I took the first one on Sat night and then another last night and about to pop day number 3. So far, I haven't expoded and nothing has fallen off :laugh:so I guess we'll have to see what develops, but no immediate effects in the first 48 hours. Just 5 years minus 2 days to go...

Do let me know how you get on with the results re chemo or not. That is another big step if you have to go down that route but you've got this and you'll get through it. Here for a chat whenever.

Take care xxx

Hiya! I've been wanting to get in touch but am still waiting for my results! There was a delay with the bank holiday/Easter hols and now God knows what's going on. I know it's just a case of waiting but I'm if I'm honest I'm struggling. The past few weeks have been full of stress with my ex husband kicking off twice a week when he has contact with my daughter. I've just spent the last 2 weeks trying to fill out an application when I'm really not feeling up to it. Been feeling like ive lost motivation a bit?? Trying to focus my day on getting better but just feeling overwhelmed with the court stuff. Thankfully I've just finished it and drove it down to court myself!  I've just started driving again-short distance but it feels good to get out! 
Anyway enough about me! How are you? I hope you're doing well and not over doing it work wise! Take your time with jogging. If you feel like it get out there but don't compare yourself to months ago. Xx

Oh my goodness [@JenLam]‍ a month later and I have only just seen this - I haven't been on here that much lately and when I am not tagged in a post with the :@ symbol I don't realise there is a reply there. I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through outside of all the cancer issues - that is a lot of stress to manage on top of the medical side of things :-( It's hard enough dealing with the big C let alone some major emotional pressures as well. If you can get through each day at a time that will be a small victory. Are you still waiting on results or do you have any more news?

I'm doing pretty well - had a  bit of knee and ankle stiffness with the Anastrozole but that seems to hav setttled down now thank goodness as I was really worried about the joint pain that can cause. I get the occasional hot flush with it but otherwise pretty good. Had my bone density scan last week for my baseline measure and although I have to wait about six to eight weeks for the results, the radiographer said my scores on the screen at the time looked good so I have my fingers crossed that the final report will confirm that.

Been doing really well on the whole but the last two weeks I have been feeling pretty rubbish - getting the same sort of symptoms I used to have when I had endometriosis. Bit weird though as I had a hysterectomy 13 years ago so the pelvic and abdominal pain and the bloating doesn't make a lot of sense. I just hope there is nothing going on with my ovaries. I have my 8 week follow up call with my oncologist on Weds so will mention it to her and I imagine I probably need to make an appt with my GP.  

So sorry to have missed your message - particularly as you have been in my thoughts. Do keep me posted on all that is going on for you. Virtual hugs )) xx

Hi [@kiwirunner]‍ 

How are you? Whats the latest news with you? So sorry it's been a while! Chemo has taken its toll !!! I had a few bad reactions so it's taken me a while to get back on my feet! I hope you've had good news with results. Sending hugs xx

Hi [@JenLam]‍ how good to hear from you! I have thought of you often and wondered how you were getting on. I'm sorry to hear you have had a rough time with reactions to the chemo. How are you faring now? Have you got much more to go? I know you thought you'd be off work for quite some time. You have had a much harder time of it than me - I do hope you are hanging in there and taking each day as it comes. You've got this!

I'm doing fine really. Got through treatment without any fatigue or specific issues and I'm not having any side effects from the Anastrozole which  I was concerned about having read about the awful experience some women have. I'm back to running and life in general and am off to do some more walking of the South West Coast Path later this week. On the whole life is good but definitely a general sense of feeling flat a few months down the line.

I ended up back at the Breast Unit last week as I was concerned about a new area of firmness near the second area they biopsied twice and decided was benign. My breast surgeon is so wonderful - I love her to bits - she is so human and caring. She reasured me that the new area of firmness was actually my body filling in the area that had lots of tissue removed with two very extensive vacuum assisted biopsies, and it had gone harder due to the effects of the radiotherapy. That was a relief. We had a really good chat as she identified that I was a 'coper' who had taken all of this in my stride but I was struggling under the surface to process it, and it is not actually very healthy to have held it all in.  She seemed to know me better than I know myself and said she guessed  I felt a bit of a fraud for having only early stage and small breast cancer that didn't require chemo and therefore she asked if  didn't feel I had the right to be as upset as women who are going through a much worse time of it than I did. Weird I know, becase I know I am lucky to not have faced what you have been dealing with for example. She absolutely nailed it as that is how I have felt and still feel - it has been hard to stop thinking about it -  and she wants me to have a session with the clinical psychologist in the breast unit so I can just work through that and let it go. Ironically I now feel bad that I will take the place of someone else who might have a worse cancer experience than me as I don'f feel as worthy of using that resource.

Anyway, she is one of the most fabulous doctors I have ever been under the care of and I am grateful that she was able to see me as a whole person and not just a body with cancer.

I hope your wonderful sense of humour has kept you going when you've had the tough days, and I hope the sitaution on the personal front with your ex husband is getting sorted?!

Hugs to you xx

Hi [@kiwirunner]‍ 

How r u? I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. The time has flown by. Been struggling for a while and thought perhaps if I off load a bit it might help? 
 

Can I privately message u? 
I hope you're recovering well and the last few months haven't been too harsh on you! 
 

Hugs

Jen 

 HI @JenLam  sorry to hear you are finding it tough.. Please do send me a message and we can pick up our old chats. You weee a great support to me at the time last year xx

Hi [@kiwirunner]‍ 

I suppose it all comes down to how unwell I've been lately. I've realised that although I've had some great days during chemo I was ill with side effects and reactions. ...now my health still isn't good and I'm struggling. It's been soooo long since I could do anything. I'm feeling like depression is creeping in and my anxiety is through the roof some days. Most days. I feel like life is coming at me at all angles!!!! And I'm too slow to take anything on!!!! Perhaps I've just turned into a moaning git? Who knows. I'm thankful that I'm here but day to day activities like showering and walking the dog are the highlight of my day. Every few days I'm ill with a low temp and fever like symptoms. GP has put it down to immunotherapy tablets. Hmmm, I just feel a bit lost and alone. Even writing that and reading it back sounds ridiculous. I've had the all clear one way or another but why aren't I celebrating every bloody moment I've got on this Planet?!!!!

Please tell me how you've been? How's the running? 

Jen

Hi [@JenLam]‍ that sounds pretty tough and you should never feel like you have to apologise for how you feel. It's the reality that you are living through and your emotions are yours and very real.

Those ongoing physical symptoms over a year later sound really challenging and it is no wonder it is hitting your mood hard. After all you've been through that's a long lasting sting in the tail.

My situation is different because my cancer was caught early and I didn't need chemo, only radiotherapy. But because of that I found it hard to move on and felt like I didn't deserve to feel sad as my breast cancer was not as bad as others. I was really struggling to move on. I had gone back to see my breast surgeon about a lump which turned out to be nothing but she spotted I needed help and arranged a couple of sessions with the breast unit's clinical psychologist. It was such a helpful thing to talk with him and helped me so much to process my emotions (although I then felt guilty I was taking up sessions that someone with more serious cancer might need...!). Do you have that option through your breast unit?
If not can you go back to your GP and explain how it is impacting you? You shouldn't have to be shouldering this on your own.

Apart from the emotions, those physical symptoms sound challenging. How long are you on the tablets for?
 

I am on Anastrozole for 5 years and 14 months in I'm doing fine with no side effects. I think the regular running (my saviour!) is helping. My husband and I have been doing more of the South West Coast Path and have now have only 2 sections to go which we will finish next month. When we started back on that after treatment ended I felt like a weak little lamb trying to climb the path so its good to be back out there. And it is great that you are walking the dog regularly. The psychologist said one of the most important things you can do for mental and emotional recovery is to exercise in nature. I find it helps massively.

Look at me - I have never been able to write a short post! I will see if I can work out how to do a private message to you as well.

Hugs to you.

Simone xx

Hey [@kiwirunner]‍ 

You're right. I need to accept where I am on the recovery road. It's weird feeling so pumped up and ready to take anything on and now the symptoms are ongoing and life is very different. 
I know what I mean about not deserving to feel sad as your cancer isn't 'as bad' as others. It all depends how your body reacts to things. 
Im actually a qualified counsellor! Which makes me feel worse as I know what I need to be doing but just can't get it it together! I've been unwell again and a *** up with prescriptions meant a drive to hospital today. It didn't go well in that I felt awful and it was a real struggle sorting it out. My husband is extremely exhausted as he's been doing everything love him. 
 

Tbh my gp wouldn't do much apart from stick me on a waiting list for counselling or give me anti depressants. 
 

that's brilliant that you've accomplished so much. Being able to share ur running with your husband is great too. I've been getting to the park as much as I can as it really helps me mentally. Some days it's not possible. 
Im on these tablets -Exemestane for 5 years. Hopefully the symptoms will subside soon. 
 

Thank you! Take care

Jen