Hi missbex 

I to am waiting for my appointment at the breast clinic mines on 2nd December so only 6days away (not that I'm counting lol) I to find my thoughts keep veering. One minute I'm thinking theres nothing to worry over its just a formality they just want to be sure, and the next I'm finding these dark thoughts creeping in and they take me to a truly terrifying place. I haven't told anyone whats happening not even my husband as I don't want to worry anyone, I thought if it comes down to it and I need to tell people I will but if its good news then I will of worried them unduly so I've been keeping it all to myself. I've small children and the thoughts that creep in when there sleeping and the house is quiet take me to such a dark place that for hours I find it hard to try to crawl out of. I'm truly scared but could never admit that to my family and I'm worried if I told them they would see through my cheery facade and that would make them worry more aswell so for now especially with everything else that's happening covid wise and Christmas around the corner ill just keep this to myself, it would probably make it easier to have someone to talk to about it but I just can't burden everyone. The one person I would normally tell is my mum but she got diagnosed with bowel cancer in Feb so there's no way I'm going add to her troubles. I really hope everything goes well for you at your appointment and you get good news. I'm always here if you need to talk or vent, anything really x

Emma

Hi Emma,

thank you for taking the time to reply, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing! It's a terrible darkness that you can be pulled in to and I struggle to get my mind off it especially at night, my brain works overtime and sometimes I can't sleep because of everything rushing through my head. I'm sorry to hear you've had no one you can speak to about it, I'm always here if you find yourself being pulled in to the dark place when you kids have gone to bed, I understand you don't want to worry anyone if it's nothing but at the minute it is something to you and I think you husband would probably want to be able to help you through this than have you go it alone. I've definitely learnt it's ok for someone you love to see through your cheery facade with something like this and have them know that you can't always be the strong one. I'm sure he'd just want to help and support you until your appointment then deal with whatever that shows head on and together. Obviously if you need to talk more and don't want anyone to know you can always message me to talk things through. Fingers crossed your appointment goes well and it's nothing to worry about x

Bex