Hi missbex 

I to am waiting for my appointment at the breast clinic mines on 2nd December so only 6days away (not that I'm counting lol) I to find my thoughts keep veering. One minute I'm thinking theres nothing to worry over its just a formality they just want to be sure, and the next I'm finding these dark thoughts creeping in and they take me to a truly terrifying place. I haven't told anyone whats happening not even my husband as I don't want to worry anyone, I thought if it comes down to it and I need to tell people I will but if its good news then I will of worried them unduly so I've been keeping it all to myself. I've small children and the thoughts that creep in when there sleeping and the house is quiet take me to such a dark place that for hours I find it hard to try to crawl out of. I'm truly scared but could never admit that to my family and I'm worried if I told them they would see through my cheery facade and that would make them worry more aswell so for now especially with everything else that's happening covid wise and Christmas around the corner ill just keep this to myself, it would probably make it easier to have someone to talk to about it but I just can't burden everyone. The one person I would normally tell is my mum but she got diagnosed with bowel cancer in Feb so there's no way I'm going add to her troubles. I really hope everything goes well for you at your appointment and you get good news. I'm always here if you need to talk or vent, anything really x

Emma

Hi Emma,

thank you for taking the time to reply, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing! It's a terrible darkness that you can be pulled in to and I struggle to get my mind off it especially at night, my brain works overtime and sometimes I can't sleep because of everything rushing through my head. I'm sorry to hear you've had no one you can speak to about it, I'm always here if you find yourself being pulled in to the dark place when you kids have gone to bed, I understand you don't want to worry anyone if it's nothing but at the minute it is something to you and I think you husband would probably want to be able to help you through this than have you go it alone. I've definitely learnt it's ok for someone you love to see through your cheery facade with something like this and have them know that you can't always be the strong one. I'm sure he'd just want to help and support you until your appointment then deal with whatever that shows head on and together. Obviously if you need to talk more and don't want anyone to know you can always message me to talk things through. Fingers crossed your appointment goes well and it's nothing to worry about x

Bex

You have to remember that nine times out of ten lumps in the breast are usually benign and not malignant.Even if a biopsy is taken again more often than not they are benign or 'simple'.Please don't worry and I do know that you can't help doing it to yourself I myself have the symptoms of stomach cancer and due to go for an endoscopy and camera down the throat on Dec.6th.I am scared witless and very depressed as I have pain in my stomach non stop 24-7 and cannot eat anything as I have total loss of appetite I cant sleep as the pain is constant and never goes away.I complain most of the time as I feel scared of the outcome and now I am upsetting my wife as she gets the brunt of it and it hurts me too seeing her upset.I know I should be strong for her sake but I cant seem to do that as I am so sure it is cancer.My GP who sent me for these tests mentioned cancer as he said my blood test came back as low in iron and anaemia which could be an indication of a tear in my stomach lining and losing iron through the blood weeping away.There should be no reason why mens blood should be low in iron but mine is.I will say a prayer for you but I am sure things will be ok for you.God Bless.