Hello Peter 

First of all let me say how sad I am to read of your fathers diagnosis -so many people here going through this..

i am not sure on staging but I think if the cancer is only in lungs and lymph node it isn't stage 4 more like 2-3 but like I said not sure. Stage 4 I think, is where it is in the liver etc and has spread far.
Some of the doctors are incredibly cruel. My mother was doing really well but once the diagnosis (oesophageal cancer) was made and she was told point blank while all alone on a ward, she has gone downhill rapidly refusing to eat etc. I know we are living in uncertain times but I think it is cruel to tell an elderly person all alone that they have cancer. That happened to my grandfather. 82 years of age he died of a heart attack brought on by the cruel doctor telling him he had terminal cancer when he was all alone. I do hope your father is alright and he will get the info and treatment he needs. I am not sure what advice to give but try and find out as much as you can about this and basically just be there for your dad even if only by phone . I hate having to stay away from my loved ones. Take care.