You are right that the fear of re-occurance is always with us and you panic at the slightest ache and then it seems to get worse.  Nature of the beast

Thank you for your prayers, they are felt and appreciated

Will come back on line once I have the results.  They have told me that I will know if its cancer or not tomorrow night.  Hope thats right at least then I will know

Just 6 hours to go and I will at the breast clinic, anticipating answers.  I thought I would be okay today, but I am not.  I keep getting very teary and so convinced that it has now spread to my bones, just like my Mum as my upper back once more is hurting.  Trying so hard to stay occupied, but that is not easy.   I'm thinking how do I tell my boys, what if its terminal, My black thoughts are definitely going on overtime.  I wanted this day to hurry up and come and now its here, boy I am so scared, just want to run away and hide.    I know there can be life with cancer, but then keep thinking of all the people that dont make it, could I be one of them.  Have I had my time and this time its going to be over.  Oh dear, just read all this and it sounds so awful.  Sorry everyone, But so low at the moment

Thanks Marlyn, we no longer have a dog, which would be so lovely to give them a hug, they always understand everything.   I think the idea of a walk is good.  We have a wood at the top of our road and the bluebells are still out.  Think might put on my walking shoes and head out this afternoon.  Then if I want a cry I can do it all on my own 

Will come back to you later, tonight or possibly tomorrow with the results and let you know.  A big positive hug to you and your results on Friday

thanks Marlyn again, it really helps to know someone is out there talking with you.  Tried talking to husband, but he says I am being to negative and thinking the worst.  So thats a dead end

xx gloverbee

Always here.....come on now, get those boots on, make sure you have tissues....get it all out....xxx

Hi there ...

Sorry I've been off for a while ...but Marlyn is looking after you ... she's amazing ... 

grandkids needed nanny time and vice versa ...

Well I've got everything crossed for you ... so I'm really hoping it's a high 5 time .. but if not ... there's lots of us on here, taking on that crule cancer ... cancer wants you to break and feel helpless ... yes it's really scary ... but being brave is feeling scared witless but still doing what you have to anyway ... that's brave ..

If it is positive, I've got a spare pair of boxing gloves ... they are a lovely pink colour ... for us breast cancer lasses ...  yes get those emotions out ... scream / cry / yell and once it's all out get those boxing gloves on and join us lot in the ring ... wer all there ready to knock cancer and get it on the ropes ... it doesn't want us strong ... but it's got another thing comming ... well kick it's *** ... together ...

But I'm still holding it's o.k ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

Thanks Chrissie, just 45 mins before I leave.  Feeling sick to the stomach, but the walk this afternoon did me good and with the birds singing in the woods, it was lovely and certainly made me feel more myself.  Its just walking into the unknown.  You would think that having had it once before I would know, but it feels all new again.  I suppose I really feel cheated that its possibly come back.  Still as you say some nice deep breaths, and if it goes against me, then lets get on with it.  This is horrible.  My hands are trembling as I type this, what a state we get into.

Thanks for your support.  Now to face it

Gloverbee, been thinking of you.....I do hope no news is good good news?? X

Went to the Breast clinic yesterday night.....Had a mamogramm and ultra sound and it was CLEAR.....but there was a mass by the scar tissue from the previous tumour.   They had to contact the team who took the last mammogramm in 2014 and then check to see if the dark mass was there in 2014 and no change from then to now.

Just got the phone call and the breast nurse confirmed that its exactly the same and therefore no further action and both my breasts are clear.  I could not stop crying, I had to hand over the phone to my husband. I really thought I was going to go the same way as my mum all thoes years ago and that the cancer had returned after all these years.  I feel so lucky, but sad that you are all going through this.  My only thought to you is that I beat Breast Cancer with a bad prognosis 23 years ago.  You can all do the same.  Let the doctors do their bit and you can then concentrate on the whole of you and make that ready to take on the medication, the treatment.  Improve your immune system, give it the best chance you can and you can win through, like me.   Its true that the thought of Cancer never leaves you, but you guys have been terrific and have really helped me through this awful time.  God bless you all.

At a cancer centre I go to they teach us to find Gentle Giants to help us.  These are people that do not know they are your Gentle Giants but they are and they help different aspects of your journey.  This may sound odd, but they do come to you and often when you least expect it from a person you least expected.  My heart and well wishes go out to you all that are on this journey

Sheila  xx

Oh Sheila...I'm reading your post through blurry tears of relief and happiness!!! I haven't been able to stop fretting for you....oh my....such a huge relief!!! Like you say, the worry will never leave us but by eck it was good to hear from you! Now....let's give thanks .....relax and breathe......phew....well done girly xxxx