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The anxiety of 'waiting'.

Melhope
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I found a 2-3 cm hard, painless, lump in my right breast almost 2 weeks ago. The GP gave me an urgent referral so I have an appointment at the breast clinic on Tuesday. My mum has recently finished radiotherapy for breast cancer and my best friend is currently still undergoing treatment (4th op). I've since found another lump, flatter but similar feel lower down the breast.

I'm really struggling to cope with the anxiety and overwhelming panic of not knowing. I think PMT is also hitting and adding. I'm a teacher on my Easter Holiday and have a stack of marking and planning to do but it's just overwhelming me. I'm in school tomorrow doing revision but I'm so close to tears and just can't seem to do my prep. I'm not normally like this so the anxiety is overwhelming and proving debilitating. I've made a joke out of it with few friends/family who know - even naming the lumps Bertha and Bertie! 

I think it's that I'm so used to juggling and managing our very busy lives that this feels like everything is on hold and I can't make decisions. Yesterday, I went clothes shopping but at the back of my head I kept thinking things like what if I don't get to wear it? What if I've had an op and my shape changes? Resulting in me not being able to buy anything. It feels alsmost like time and me has frozen.

Holidays normally go so fast but Tuesday feels so far away. 

I'm putting on a humourous, factual face with everyone - just writing it here feels like a tiny bit of pressure has been released.

I'm in such admiration of the stories on here, my story hasn't even really begun and I'm clearly not coping.

 

Mel

Parents
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    hello ... I’m new here as I’ve been referred to a clinic today after finding a lump on Monday and barely sleeping a wink since. Doctor said it’s movable and small and that she doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about but she could see I was worried and said best to get it checked. Dr google is not my friend and I’m a born worrier but trying to rationalise it by thinking that worrying and burying my head in the sand won’t make it go away ... and if it’s something bad then knowledge is power and I can deal with it. 

    Reading these posts  is helping a lot 

  • Offline in reply to misspotter

    Thank you everyone, I'm feeling better today - PMT subsiding! pj1985 I really get the slow motion and the feeling of the boob not feeling like it's mine. Also having stange sensations and itching - most of which I'm sure I'm imagining. My normal cycle boob swell is subsiding but change in lump size, I was hoping - after lots of googling (bad I know but desperate for explanantions) that it was a hormone related cyst that would just vanish of it's own accord.

     

    Amandajane I hope you have a swift recovery, I'm in awe, and very thankful of your positivity.

    To everyone else who is waiting for answers, huge hugs and hope for positive news.

     

  • Offline in reply to Melhope

    Anxiety is definitely getting the better of me today. I trying to set my cover work for tomorrow and mark some books but I'm all over the place. Switching from, "It's just a cyst, just a cyst!" to, "How the hell do I deal with the possiblity of not being here fopr my family.

    I'll feel so utterly ridiculous, and out of control :(

  • Offline in reply to Melhope

    Hi Melhope,

    Here waiting also. It is really difficult. I keep checking to see if my larger lump “magically” has disappeared, but nope. 

     

    Wishing you a good night and next couple dats, I’m not sure exactly what to say as I know not much is comforting “words” wise at this point until we hear something from a doctor.

     

    Only a few more sleeps until an answer :)

    xxx

    pam <3

Reply
  • Offline in reply to Melhope

    Hi Melhope,

    Here waiting also. It is really difficult. I keep checking to see if my larger lump “magically” has disappeared, but nope. 

     

    Wishing you a good night and next couple dats, I’m not sure exactly what to say as I know not much is comforting “words” wise at this point until we hear something from a doctor.

     

    Only a few more sleeps until an answer :)

    xxx

    pam <3

Children
  • Offline in reply to pj1985

    Hi Pam

    I'm 'checking' constantly too. But Bertha and her smaller brother Bertie are definitely sticking around.

    My appointment is 9.10 tomorrow so hoping for news that I'm just a rather batty, meopausal woman with lumpy/cyst filled boobs! Or that the Bs are being swiftly evicted.

    Writing it down certainly helps - I can't verbalise my anxiety to friends and family as I'm the 'one who copes' and I know my husband is worried enough.

    I hope Wed comes quickly for you too.

     

    Mel xx

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