I found a 2-3 cm hard, painless, lump in my right breast almost 2 weeks ago. The GP gave me an urgent referral so I have an appointment at the breast clinic on Tuesday. My mum has recently finished radiotherapy for breast cancer and my best friend is currently still undergoing treatment (4th op). I've since found another lump, flatter but similar feel lower down the breast.

I'm really struggling to cope with the anxiety and overwhelming panic of not knowing. I think PMT is also hitting and adding. I'm a teacher on my Easter Holiday and have a stack of marking and planning to do but it's just overwhelming me. I'm in school tomorrow doing revision but I'm so close to tears and just can't seem to do my prep. I'm not normally like this so the anxiety is overwhelming and proving debilitating. I've made a joke out of it with few friends/family who know - even naming the lumps Bertha and Bertie! 

I think it's that I'm so used to juggling and managing our very busy lives that this feels like everything is on hold and I can't make decisions. Yesterday, I went clothes shopping but at the back of my head I kept thinking things like what if I don't get to wear it? What if I've had an op and my shape changes? Resulting in me not being able to buy anything. It feels alsmost like time and me has frozen.

Holidays normally go so fast but Tuesday feels so far away. 

I'm putting on a humourous, factual face with everyone - just writing it here feels like a tiny bit of pressure has been released.

I'm in such admiration of the stories on here, my story hasn't even really begun and I'm clearly not coping.

Mel