I am so happy for you!! Thank you for your post. I am a mom raising my two boys alone and I have two foster sons now also. I get my result back day after tomorrow and this has given me some hope. 

I am so happy for you!! Thank you for your post. I am a mom raising my two boys alone and I have two foster sons now also. I get my result back day after tomorrow and this has given me some hope. 

Hi NJLahori,

A very warm welcome to our forum. Never forget that, whatever the outcome of your tests, there is always hope. It all becomes easier to cope with once you know what you are up against. How old are your boys? It sounds as if you have your hands full!

Please let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

I shall be thinking of you on Friday and, hoping for the best.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Dear Jolamine, 

Thank you for your reply :)

My boys are 9, 13, 15 and 17.

Hands and head usually full but they have been gone for holidays since beginning of March to Dubai... All but the 13 year old. Who is shouldering the lock down and the news with me. 

It's great to be hear. I find myself thinking morbid thoughts, like "it's not a big deal to be buried...I won't even know, I'll be dead" and how the boys will grow up, how my parents will cope, if I'm gone. And imagining the moment they tell me good or bad news. And what then? I do want to protect the boys of from all info but they sense my anxiety. 

I also vacillate from.anxiety to this total calm and acceptance of whatever it may be. 

Although... I think I'm always petrified. Perhaps. Not sure. 

All my love ... NJ

Hi NJ,

We all tend to think morbid thoughts at this stage and try to plan for every eventuality in our heads. This is just too much to cope with and, most of our worries will never come to pass. We are all afraid of dying and scared of the unknown. Try to takes things day by day, or even hour by hour, if day by day is too much to take on.

You will naturally be worried about your boys and your parents. Your boys are old enough to understand what you are going through and to help you alng this road. It is a hard time for all of you, as cancer doesn't just affect you. It affects all of your loved ones too.

Irrespective of whether they are bad or good, you will feel better once you get your results tomorrow, as you will know what lies ahead. You will also find that it is better to tell the boys what you are going through. They are old enough to sense what is going on. Children also have big ears and can overhear telephone or other conversations. They are better to hear the facts from you, instead of overhearing part conversations and misinterpreting the facts. They will be less stressed if you can openly discuss all that is happening and, they can approach you with any worries they may have. They don't need chapter and verse, just a simple explanation.

Your parents will naturally be worried too. The more positive you can appear, the better everyone will cope with the news. Are you taking someone with you to your appointment tomorrow? This is always a good idea. That having been said, I sincerely hope that you get good news. Please let us know how you get on.

Fingers crossed.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx