Thank you for this post [@Sazcop]‍, so pleased for you. I am also waiting for my biopsy result and was told during my ultrasound that the lump in my breast looks ‘suspicious’. Have been crying on and off ever since but trying to hide my anxiety from my 3 year old. Your post has made me feel more hopeful. 

Hi,

Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear of all the worry that you've had since you had your biopsy. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer in the past 10 years and was also told that my lumps were 'suspicious' on both occasions.

You must be finding it difficult to hide your anxiety from your 3 year old. As soon as we know that there is a possibility of having cancer our emotions are all over the place and we cry at the slightest thing, so please don't feel that you are on your own and, as if this only happens to you. It will get easier once you know your results, irrespective of the outcome and, your mood will improve once you move on to treatment if this is needed.

Have you got an appointment for your results, or are you still waiting for one? I do hope that you get your results soon and that they reveal nothing untoward. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

Thank you for the reply to my post. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 13th August. It was an agonising wait but once I was diagnosed surgery was booked in quite quickly. I finished active treatment in December. In some ways now active treatment has finished, this is the most difficult time mentally. Taking everyday as it comes and trying to stay positive and find some sense of 'normality' again. Thankfully my daughter has mostly been blissfully unaware and a great distraction. 

Hi 40yearold,

You have been through a lot since our last post. I am so sorry to hear that your diagnosis was cancer. Do you know what grade and type of breast cancer you have and what surgery and treatment you've been through?

It is unfortunate that you are finding this stage so hard. Most people find it easier after treatment is over and you can start living again. It does take a change of mind from your initial fear. You are fortunate that you have a very special little girl who needs you. She is young enough not to know or be tainted by your diagnosis and, you can rely on her to be her natural self. She will need you for many years to come, so it is up to you to find positivity. You may not be aware of it yet, but I'm sure that you have become a much stronger person in the past months. You will find the strength to live life to the full again.

Have you tried attending the 'Moving Forward' course run by Breast Cancer Now? The Haven and Maggies centres are dotted throughout the country too and, they offer counselling, seated yoga, walking groups, various classes, alternative therapes such as Reikki, Indian head massage, Aromatherapy, Reflexology. They also offer a very welcome tea or coffee any time you visit. There are probably local support groups in your area too.

One of the things that anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis has to learn to live with is the fear of recurrence. Having had 2 bouts within a year, I had problems with this and, found tremendous support when I started attending some of the aforementioned. I have made a number of good friends over the years and, we now run a self-support group, where we all help to support each other. Perhaps something like this might help you to? If you are unsure about how to find these, please ask your breast care nurse or your GP for advice.

Counselling is not for everyone, but some people find it very helpful. If you are interested in this, you may need to wait for quite a few weeks after you apply, as this is always a popular service. Breast Cancer Now runs a number of different courses throughout the country.

I do hope that some of these might help you to regain some sense of 'normality' again and start to find some positivity in all of this. It is so much easier to cope with when you do.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

Yes, the last 6 months have been a rollercoaster of appointments, treatment and emotions. I had a lumpectomy in September and radiotherapy the month of November. Thankfully there was no node involvement. The tumour was Grade 2 ER/PR+ and HER2- so I am on Tamoxifen for the next 10 years. 
 

Thank you for the suggestions. I have been receiving counselling for myself as well as marriage counselling as it has effected all aspects of my life. I have also received complimentary treatments through cancer charities that are just amazing! I have signed up for a moving on course too, which start in a couple of weeks. So I'm hoping it gives me some direction in what happens next or at least some advice on how to feel! 
 

Im currently in limbo as my next mammogram will be in July so that crippling fear of reoccurrence is constantly there. And when I keep hearing of people who had similar diagnosis to me having had reoccurrences it does fill me with dread. So I'm sorry you had two bouts of it. I'm trying to stay 'positive'.

Hi 40yearold,

Did they say what type of breast cancer you have? It is really good news that there is no node involvment. How are you coping with Tamoxifen? This can affect your emotions and might be responsible for how you feel. Many people with a cancer diagnosis suffer from depression and sometimes a mild anti-depressant can help. It might be worth having a word with your breast care nurse.

You are doing the right things in having counselling. Unfortunately, cancer doesn't just affect the person with cancer, but also their family. I am so sorry that this has impinged on your marriage as well. The additional therapies offered by cancer charities are amazing. I am glad that you have already signed up for a moving on course  and hope that this helps you.

Try not to think about what might happen in July and, just concentrate on day by day occurrences. This is enough to worry about for the time being, as it sounds as if you have a lot going on in your life at the moment. Do you have a family member or friend that you can talk to about your feelings? This can be very helpful.

Having already had a recurrence, I am more aware than most that this can happen, but I cannot let it consume me, or I will go crazy. I have learned to consider each new day as a bonus. I sincerely hope that with the benefit of time that you can  do this too.

Please keep in tuch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi 40yearold,

Did they say what type of breast cancer you have? It is really good news that there is no node involvment. How are you coping with Tamoxifen? This can affect your emotions and might be responsible for how you feel. Many people with a cancer diagnosis suffer from depression and sometimes a mild anti-depressant can help. It might be worth having a word with your breast care nurse.

You are doing the right things in having counselling. Unfortunately, cancer doesn't just affect the person with cancer, but also their family. I am so sorry that this has impinged on your marriage as well. The additional therapies offered by cancer charities are amazing. I am glad that you have already signed up for a moving on course  and hope that this helps you.

Try not to think about what might happen in July and, just concentrate on day by day occurrences. This is enough to worry about for the time being, as it sounds as if you have a lot going on in your life at the moment. Do you have a family member or friend that you can talk to about your feelings? This can be very helpful.

Having already had a recurrence, I am more aware than most that this can happen, but I cannot let it consume me, or I will go crazy. I have learned to consider each new day as a bonus. I sincerely hope that with the benefit of time that you can  do this too.

Please keep in tuch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

It is grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma and yes so relieved to not have node involvement. Have been on Tamoxifen for 4 months now and my moods have been all over the place and I have the occasional hot flush. I wanted to give it until spring to make sure it's not just the 'winter blues'..although crying on holiday where it was sunny and warm was a pretty low point, so you may be right about it being the Tamoxifen affecting my moods. 
 

I don't really have anyone to talk to about how I'm feeling as most people think that because I look ok I am ok and I think others just want to move on from it all. So I find it hard to bring up how I am feeling. But I have met other women on social media who also have bc and have found them a great source of emotional support (likewise having a forum like this helps too). 
 

I hope that with time I will be able to find a new normal and will be returning to work soon. I don't really know what I want to do moving forward. But hopefully the moving on course will help. What I do know is that I don't want to go back to how my life was . Cancer has certainly been a wake up call.
 

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my messages. Wishing you all the best and good health x

Hi 40yearold,

As well as having no node involvment, your cancer is only grade 2, so it should be quite treatable. I am sorry to hear about your troubles with Tamoxifen. I certainly found my emotions very difficult to deal with when I was taking it. My family also found it difficult too. Most of the hormone treatments have side-effects, but some are worse than others. Have a chat with your breast care nurse or consultant/oncologist if this continues for you.

Many people find it easier to talk to people on a forum who have experienced what you are going through, instead of family and friends who don't know what to say. We are certainly always here for you at any time.

You will find a new normal. Having cancer affects us all profoundly, but it also makes us stronger. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx