Advice needed about mixed feelings

Hi.  
I’ve just had my third biopsy on my breat in 6 years, I found another lump in my breast.   Yes I know you will all think how lucky I am, but.  My family have suffered from cancer in the last 10 years.  2 aunts died 10 years ago from various cancers, during this time my mum was diagnosed with cancer, we had 6 weeks notice before she died.  2 years later my uncle died of cancer,  a year later one of my cousins died. Yes from cancer, then my younger brother was diagnosed, he suffered for 5 years, op after op removing cancer from different parts of his body, then he died, 6 months later another cousin died from cancer.  A year later another aunt died from cancer, at the moment, I have 2 cousins and an uncle going through chemo and radio trying to fight, fingers crossed.  I am happily married, but feel really alone, I have a daughter, but do not feel the need to worry her until I get my results.  I am feeling scared but positive at the same time, cry over the stupidest.  Can anyone advise me on why I have missed feelings. 
Thanks. Polly