I guess I don’t know why I’m here? Or what I even want to write/know. 

im a 33 yo female with an 11 year old daughter. I’m fairly healthy and an average weight, non smoker/drinker. 

since late last year I’ve been feeling run down, tired and after blood tests my folate levels and other levels where low. I started a course of folic acid to bring these levels back up.

just before Christmas I felt a lump in my neck and brushed it off with the check back in 2/3 weeks thought. Fast forward 3/4 month and I suddenly feel it again, this time it’s slightly larger and more noticeable to touch. 
Everybody urged me to get it checked. I visited the gp that week who felt it and said it felt like a small grape and she was going to refer me on a 2 week referral (she didn’t once mention cancer although in the bottom of my heart I knew what that referral was for). After getting home I stupidly looked on my nhs app which had all her notes and the suspected head and neck cancer referral, this broke me and my husband!
After an agonising week long wait for my ent appointment and having the camera up my nose and down my throat the dr said he could see nothing worrying and reassured me he believed it was just a swollen lymph node but would send me for an ultrasound scan just to make sure. 

we left the appointment full of hope and believing the anxiety would leave us now that he had given us some reassurance. It’s now been 1.5 weeks since that appointment and I have now grown another lump directly next to the original one and this lump has changed in the time of feeling it and feels much bigger already. I’ve also been getting horrendous electric shock type pains on my neck right through where the 2 lumps are. 

me and my husband have almost certainly convinced ourselves my scan is going to come back as Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
I have 6 days until my scan and I pray every morning I wake up and that the lumps will have disappeared which would mean they’re just a swollen lymph nodes. 

I don’t know what reply I’m looking for people, I guess I see this as a safe space as everybody here is either living in this bubble we currently are or have already gotten through the bubble. 

thank you for reading xx