Hey Rebecca, I'm really sorry you are having these health issues, I can't imagine how much worse this whole situation must be for you because you are scared of doctors and hospitals on top of everything else. Your thoughts must be spiralling out of control with worry but try to take some deep breaths, distract yourself as much as you can and remember that you can always reach out on this forum for some support. Could you maybe take someone with you for any future examinations, to help you keep calm? 

Hi Rebecca

i have just read your post and was wondering how you are getting on? 

Hi calico, thankyou for your reply. I got my call back 2 days later and i got an appointment for ultrasound which i didnt realise was an internal ultra sound .....quite painful for me tbh and i didnt anticipate it being internal so left my partner in the car. I have also had a coloscopy done on monday....if thats how you spell it? The lady took biopsies at this time and there was 2 other nurses there for support but god they must of thought i was an emotional wreck. I went back in the changing rooms after to sort myself out then as i re enter im asked to take a seat.

At this point she gives me the wide eyes and puts her hand on my arm and quite matter of factly tells me " im sorry but you do have cervical cancer" " im not going to just wait to call you and tell you over the phone, were going to get the ball rolling now. Need to get you and mri scan make sure its no where else" after that shes talking im looking down crying say yes yes ok yes yes ok to everything and i hear not much else after that. My partner has been driving round the block ....the pair of us not realising that this conversation could possibly even happen today. They phone my partner guide him to the nearest entrance to me and put me in the car...ask if i want them to speak to him for me...which of course no i will tell my partner.

So that's where we are! I am waiting for the biopsies to get an appointment with the gynaecologist so they can decide what stage i am at and whats the plan for treatment. I asked for my GP to call me today because i wanted to ask 2 questions...

What pain relief can i have now because i cant cope, sleeping is near impossible and im trying to keep working. Second question was , can she do that?? Can she say i have cervical cancer without the biopsy results??? How can she just say that out loud with out it in black and white and apparently she can do that.

Now i know nothing bout cervical cancer so i dont know how she can tell what shes talking about without the results in her hand, has this happened to anyone else? 

I made the grave mistake of trying to work out my stage according to my symptoms using google....its saying advanced so im hoping that actually she has made a hugeeeeee mistake here.

Hi teenyd, hope you are ok. Ive copy pasted my reply here to updat you because im not sure if you get the notification that i have replied above you.

 I got my call back 2 days later and i got an appointment for ultrasound which i didnt realise was an internal ultra sound .....quite painful for me tbh and i didnt anticipate it being internal so left my partner in the car. I have also had a coloscopy done on monday....if thats how you spell it? The lady took biopsies at this time and there was 2 other nurses there for support but god they must of thought i was an emotional wreck. I went back in the changing rooms after to sort myself out then as i re enter im asked to take a seat.

At this point she gives me the wide eyes and puts her hand on my arm and quite matter of factly tells me " im sorry but you do have cervical cancer" " im not going to just wait to call you and tell you over the phone, were going to get the ball rolling now. Need to get you and mri scan make sure its no where else" after that shes talking im looking down crying say yes yes ok yes yes ok to everything and i hear not much else after that. My partner has been driving round the block ....the pair of us not realising that this conversation could possibly even happen today. They phone my partner guide him to the nearest entrance to me and put me in the car...ask if i want them to speak to him for me...which of course no i will tell my partner.

So that's where we are! I am waiting for the biopsies to get an appointment with the gynaecologist so they can decide what stage i am at and whats the plan for treatment. I asked for my GP to call me today because i wanted to ask 2 questions...

What pain relief can i have now because i cant cope, sleeping is near impossible and im trying to keep working. Second question was , can she do that?? Can she say i have cervical cancer without the biopsy results??? How can she just say that out loud with out it in black and white and apparently she can do that.

Now i know nothing bout cervical cancer so i dont know how she can tell what shes talking about without the results in her hand, has this happened to anyone else? 

I made the grave mistake of trying to work out my stage according to my symptoms using google....its saying advanced so im hoping that actually she has made a hugeeeeee mistake here.

Dear Rebecca

i am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds terrifying and very upsetting. I read somewhere on here that the worst bit is the not knowing, the waiting to know for sure what the diagnosis is and what is going to happen. That once you do know it’s of course tough but in some ways less mentally draining. 
Yes Google is the worst but I so get why you would use it as you search for hope really. I have been doing just that. Spent hours yesterday googling after my Dr referred me for suspected endometrial cancer. Like you I put off going for months despite bleeding and being bloated and in pain. It’s difficult not to blame yourself and feeling guilty/stupid for not going earlier. But I keep telling myself - there’s no point beating myself up as it won’t make any difference (still am doing though!!!) 
I really hope that you get the results soon and are on the treatment path very quickly so that you can start dealing with this and get rid of the horrible symptoms and pain you are struggling with. 
i also read on here about distraction and yesterday I went for an hours walk - it made a difference and calmed me and reminded me to try and enjoy the here and now. I am also going to try and meditate (not something I normally do) and have arranged to see a friend tomorrow and others at the weekend.  All I hope to distract me from being alone with my racing and catastrophising mind and also to reinforce the love and support I have for the journey ahead. Can you try and get outside or see friends or do something you love doing? Watch a film? I know it’s going to be incredibly hard for you but maybe it would help a little.

please keep posting updates - it helps to get it all out and you help others going through similar experiences.

Lots of virtual hugs and support

Tina x
 

Rebecca I am so sorry to read this, what a very difficult and stressful time for you. Waiting is the worst. Particularly waiting with no plan in place yet.  Have you managed to speak with your GP yet? They should be able to give you something to help you sleep and relax you a bit. I just wanted to add in a little bit to your questions - yes cervical cancer can be seen by the naked eye and even at stage 1, so try not to panic too much that it’s very advanced. I would assume most medically trained people know what cancer looks like, but I am not one of them so I don’t know what I’d be looking for but I am always glad to read of someone getting the ball rolling as soon as possible as it’s all the better for your treatment going forward. Good luck, keep strong. You’ve got this. 
www.sgo.org/.../

Hello Rebecca, I am so sorry you had that diagnosis.

Can I just thank you for your detailed responses. It must be a blur at the moment. 

I have my colposcopy on Tuesday. Not looking forward to it. Not feeling great either. Symptoms are just getting worse. Which I didn’t think was possible… But here we are. 

Im so glad you have your partner around you for support. 

Really hope you get answers to your questions. Sending a lot of love and strength your way x

Hi WindyThistle

How are you?
When you say your symptoms are getting worse - can I please ask what your symptoms are? Have you had an ultrasound or any other procedure yet? I am due one next week and my symptoms have been getting steadily worse but then I wonder if it is because all I am doing is thinking and worrying about it. It’s hard not to when you just do not know for sure.

I really hope it goes well for you tomorrow and you can start moving forward to relieve your symptoms and get some peace of mind.

Tina xx

Hi WindyThistle

How did it go today? How are you feeling? I hope that you are OK. 
don’t worry about TMI - everyone on here appreciates the detail I am sure as many of us are going through the same thing with similar symptoms. 
Xx