Goodness that’s a big op. Hope your recovery is ok. Get yourself prepped to make life as easy as possible. Ah that makes sense with it leaking, how long after the op will you get answers? You seem so positive, you will smash this with a good outlook on life like you do x 

Glad things are moving nice and quickly for you. It's good to know that if there's any question mark over what they're dealing with, they'll err on the side of caution. I'm not going to lie, a 40cm incision sounds a bit scary, but ultimately, it's got to come out and if that's what it takes, I wouldn't care! As always, I'm keeping everything crossed for you. Hope you can enjoy some rest and relaxation this weekend. X

Thank you, Jembers, I'm trying not to be anxious and just wait on knowing more. My partner, I'm worried about hugely, but he's being so hurtful and I don't know how much rejection he can reasonably expect me to take. He doesn't know I'm on the cancer pathway because I don't think it's pertinent at this point while he's waiting on his own process. But it means I'm getting negative support when every time I eat or drink I'm having a coughing fit. If it is anxiety causing it he'd take it as the worst kind of attention seeking rather than as my body protesting at the strain. I sympathise because he has a diagnosis that marks his longevity but sometimes I think to myself that it's unfair that he treats my life as infinite and therefore the quality of it should be far less important. He gets really nasty.

I dunno, if I get a result from the gastroscopy that is alarming I don't know what I'll do. I've done a Dr Google and my symptoms aren't good but I've checked loads of more minor conditions that can mimic it but I see why the doctor wants to rule out oesophageal cancer. It's just rubbish when you can't confide in the person who is supposed to look out for you. Worst thing is he has a female friend he's fawning over because she might have melanoma too. I don't know how much I can take from him. If I told him that *I* am on the cancer pathway he'd tell me I'm wasting NHS resources and am a hypochondriac who blows everything out of proportion. When I was offered the hysterectomy and thought I might have ovarian cancer he didn't support me emotionally at all. He still brings it up as an example of me over reacting.

Sorry to pour it all out but I need somewhere to.

Hey, it's absolutely ok to pour it all out and I really feel for you. He's clearly incredibly angry about his cancer (understandable!) and everyone else who hasn't got it is just pathetic and irrelevant! Obviously, his thought processes are completely bent out of shape right now and he's punishing the one person who he actually needs to love and support him. I would imagine that living with someone who has cancer could make you a lot more aware of yourself and cause you to react to symptoms with greater concern than you usually would. However, you've had real, legitimate cancer scares in the past, as have I, and the NHS is constantly telling people to go to their GP to get things checked out. Every other advert on the TV is asking you if you've had a cough for longer than 3 weeks of blood in your poo!!! So, for him to dismiss you and tell you you're being dramatic and wasting resources is unacceptable, misguided and cruel! As far as the female friend is concerned, it sounds as though by focussing on her, it's taking his mind off his own problem. I think you need to have a chat with someone who's dealing with his treatment and tell them how angry he is and how he's behaving towards you. I reckon it's probably a really common scenario and they might be able to have a talk to him about how he's feeling and make him recognise what he's doing and how to think about things in a more rational way. Come and talk whenever you want. This site is a great outlet. I'm frankly amazed at the length of this thread I started, but I'm glad I posted here. XX