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Pre-Diagnosis

Dimpsey
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Hello Folks.

You're Messages are all of wonderful Support for each other and what lovely inspiring people you are.

I do have a dilemma at the moment within my own mind.

I noticed a lumpy area in my breast which was on and off quite tender and the shape of my breast and nipple had changed.

This lumpy area i noticed a few weeks ago and went to Re book a missed mamagram but was told to seek a doctors appointment.

So i was rushed through for a face to face with a lovely doctor who confirmed that yes there was a lumpy area. I would therefore be fast tracked for an asap appointment with the Breast Clinic. I had been back home about an hour when i had to call to attend this october 5th so just 12 days away.

I haven't so far mentioned anything to my 3 adult Children 35, 30 and 27. Great kids we are very very close and have dealt with many losses, heartbreak and nearly loosing my eldest 35 year old son in April.

I have been a single Mum raising them on my own due to a Nasty spiteful excuse for a father. Working hard all my life to support us. But we got there. They are wonderful, thoughtful, kind Children who are my absolute world. I've also been blessed with 2 beautiful Grandsons. They are successful in life, family and Partners in life due to their hard work and dedication.

At this stage, early days of course but i have been feeling unwell for quite a while now and suffer from anxiety and depression. Also terrible flashbacks of that abusive marriage. My main question is as this urgent referral has come through so very quicky do i at this point discuss the possibility of it being Breast cancer with them or wait until further tests/scans/biopsies done to either confirm whether it is or isn't. I really do not want to burden them with any unnecessary worry but i also don't like the idea of soon telling them Mum has Cancer. There unfortunately is quite alot of cancer in the family. I really do not know what to do for the best. My lovely Mum died at 64 from multiple cancers and i was with her from beginning to end and i wouldn't of wanted it any other way.

Any advise i would be so greatful for. Thanks for reading, sorry i waffled on a bit but i wanted to put across the fact they are always my go to and vice versa as i have no partner x

  • As a daughter (although I am older than your children) I would say that I would want to be told, especially as you dont have a partner to support you through this uncertain time, I am sure that they will want to be there for you.  I know that it is always a mum's instinct to protect your children from worry, but I think that your children are of an age that they should be able to handle it.

    As you say, if you do end up being diagnosed (although hopefully you wont!), it will come as a lot bigger shock than if you tell them that you need to have some tests etc.

    I hope that it turns out ok.

    Best wishes

    Annie

  • Offline in reply to annie123

    Annie, thankyou so much.

    I do indeed want to protect them, but i do think you are right about the possibility of a massive shock if it is confirmed as that dreaded disease. The fact that I've got the opportunity to discuss the future whether good or bad is a major thought for me. So many people don't get that chance.

    They haven't seen or spoken to the ex for probably 15 years so there would be no support in that area. But all 3 have wonderful gorgeous partners who i am lucky enough to have great relationships with. So i know that all 3 woild be in great hands with support for them.

    I have a few Wonderful friends who i trust completely and have thought of discussing this with them but on the flip side i would feel that I'd betrayed my Children's trust as we are all so together and i know they would give me strength to see this through, if that makes sense.

    At the moment it's just Me and the dog who know...she's always been there for me !! I talk to her lots. I've been thinking constantly about which way to go with this and i think like you i owe them the truth from the very start.

    Thankyou Annie x

  • in reply to Dimpsey

    I am glad that you have decided to tell them, and definately before telling anyone else like friends.  Depending on how your appointment goes, you may want to confide in a friend also.  I would definately recommend taking someone with you to support you, even if its just to sit in the waiting room with you.

    I also talk to my cats all of the time, they are a great comfort.

    I hope that it goes well for you next week and that you hopefully get good news and find that its nothing to worry about.

    Best wishes

    Annie

  • Offline in reply to annie123

    Hi Annie.

    I went to the appointment on my own and i actually felt very calm and together to do this part on my own, from where i live to the hospital Breast care center was about a 45 minute drive.

    So i had the initial Chat with the consultant and was examined me and he confirmed that there was a lump in my left breast. I then went for various mamagrans and ultra sounds. And all then repeated and Biopsies taken. Then another mamagram and back to the consultant.

    It was all so incredibly organised and fast between procedures and the Nurses were just the best. They were gentle and kind, i nearly fainted during the 2nd mamagram and the nurse was there to literally catch me already prepared with a damp cold cloth to put on my forehead. She sat me down and just calmed me. She said she saw my eyes changing and she knew what was going to happen before i did.

    So after all the necessary tests were done i then was back with the original consultant who chatted with me regarding the concern of this thing in my breast. I can't remember too much if I'm honest but he did ask me if i had any questions. I went completely blank and the one thing i did ask was Do i need to tell my Children and he said Yes.

    So the next evening when luckily i had the chance to get them all together, including their partners asked them all to come round.So when they got here and settled all together i started at the beginning and it all flowed out perfectly. I did ask them to just let me talk as i need to tell them something without being bombarded wigh questions.

    There were tears and hugs and all that a mum could wish for with such a possibly bad news to come. I/we have about 3 weeks to wait for the appointment which will give us the news good or bad.

    They all got all the answers i could at this point give them. And although its all alot for us to process we haven't spoken about it since. Which is absolutely how i wanted it. We've just carried on being us. I had my eldest Grandson for a long weekend and it was so much fun. They are 6 and 2 and are just beautiful little souls. The eldest doesn't need to know Nanna might be poorly. We just had a brilliant time being nuts together. He's my bestest buddy and was like a tonic to me.

    So that's my story so far. My Macmillan Nurse who's care i am under said there's no limit as to how many people you can have with you. So all 6 are going to be there with me, by my side. I really am so lucky. We're now halfway through waiting for the appointment to go up to Bristol for the results.

    I still feel very calm. And i guess what will be, will be....i think i kinda know and I'm prepared and now so are the kids. I just cannot bear the thought of breaking their hearts, that's what is tearing me up inside. But we'll be strong together if this is a battle  we have to fight together.

    Thanks guys for listening to me rattling on but it feels good to off load xx

  • in reply to Dimpsey

    Hi Dimpsey

    I am glad that you have had your appointment, yes waiting for the results is hard, but even if it does turn out to be cancer, I think that once you know what is happening and what the treatment plan is, you feel a bit more in control.

    It is good that your family are going to go with you to your results appointment, your mind probably wont take everything in, at least they will also have a chance to ask questions also.

    I hope that after your appointment they gave you a contact number for the macmillan nurse?  Before your next meeting, if you have any worries or questions just ring them, they are very good at ringing back if they are busy.

    I am glad that you have your grandchildren, children are very good at lifting the mood and just treating you normally!

    I will keep everything crossed for you that your results will come back as benign.  But if not, just know that you can fight this and you will have your lovely children by your side, you must learn to lean on them though, let them support you through this.

    Please let me know how you get on, I will keep you in my prayers.

    Best wishes

    Annie

    xx

  • Offline in reply to annie123

    Oh Annie, thankyou so much your kind words do mean an awful lot.

    I seem to be more aware of it now, i can feel it there just bulging a little on the side of my breast, i feel it against my arm. Or is it my imagination. I've still got the lines they drew on my boobie. Or it may just be the Dressing which is still there, i dont want to take it off as it would mean seeing the bulge. I haven't looked at it and i don't want to. It's stayed stuck to be even after showering. Which suits me just fine.

    I do have a number and a Macmillan nurse. She was there right at the begining and also at the end apart from the xray bits.

    I will update you on here as soon as i know. You've been wonderful with your sound advice and you are very much appreciated. Have you been through this yourself?

  • in reply to Dimpsey

    You are bound to be more aware of it now, you may even find that area has swollen slightly after the biopsy, dont panic if it is, I think that is quite normal.  

    I havent had breast cancer myself, however its in my family which isnt great, however it does mean that I get annual mammograms, which gives me piece of mind that if anything appears it will hopefully be found quickly.

    I have recently been on the suspected cancer pathway for liver cancer,  a large tumour was found on my liver on an ultrasound, then I had scans etc but they were not clear if it was malignant or benign, so I ended up having a liver resection at the beginning of August to remove the tumour and part of my liver.  Luckily it came back that it was benign.  It was a big operation, but I am 90% healed now.

    After I was told that I had a mass on my liver, I started having all sorts of pain in that vicinity, then you start worrying about the back ache that you wouldnt have thought twice about.  All just my mind playing tricks and making me paranoid!

    I know that its hard, but try not to worry, unfortunately it wont change the end result, just makes the days/weeks wait unbearable.

    xxxx

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