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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

Parents
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    Hi,I can relate to you so much,I have litually had mammograms and scans and biopsies a week ago,my head is litually everywhere,they said so much to me,indicating how concerned they were over the lump,I am in bits but trying to stay strong for my 2 children. I don't get my results until 23rd Jan,and it just feels like a life time. I too feel like they already know the outcome,and I will go to pieces if they are right, like yourself am feeling lost,am empty inside and can't even think straight. Fingers crossed you get a good outcome. Suzanne x

  • Offline in reply to Suzanne73

    Hi Suzanne, I'm so sorry you are going through this, and at this time of year too. The waiting for the results are horrid. As Rambleon88 says, it is possibly the worst time through all of this. My heart really goes out to you. 

    Try and put this all to one side for now and focus on you and your children. Do normal things. That really helped me take my mind off it. Keeping a positive attitude is important. Studies have shown that positive mental attitude helps recovery.  We are all here for you. X

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Thank so much for your lovely words,it has been a hard one to take esp on top of Xmas. It's got to be the worst thing I have ever been through if am honest,it's just so mentally and emotionally draining,when it consumes your mind,but your trying to be happy and jolly for the kids, I have been doing abut of meditating and listening to mindfulness podcasts,which have been very uplifting even for just a short while. Thank you again Suzanne x

  • Offline in reply to Suzanne73

    Oh bless your heart, I can relate so much! It was the very start of the school summer holidays for me though instead of Christmas. How old are your little ones?.
    It really can feel very all consuming but I totally agree with  , try and stay positive.  Its so hard to do I know but it makes such a difference. I found the waiting for results so unbelievably hard, I just wish I could give you a hug. You will get through this, no matter the outcome you will find the strength and take it step by step. If you need to chat or vent we are all here, we get it and you arent alone. Xxxx

Reply
  • Offline in reply to Suzanne73

    Oh bless your heart, I can relate so much! It was the very start of the school summer holidays for me though instead of Christmas. How old are your little ones?.
    It really can feel very all consuming but I totally agree with  , try and stay positive.  Its so hard to do I know but it makes such a difference. I found the waiting for results so unbelievably hard, I just wish I could give you a hug. You will get through this, no matter the outcome you will find the strength and take it step by step. If you need to chat or vent we are all here, we get it and you arent alone. Xxxx

Children
  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Mine are not so little,I have a 19 year old,they have autism,but they manage themselves very well. An my youngest is 16,2 wonderful children feel so blessed with them both. Obviously they see their d and they have great relationship with him,they live with me,but I know they would have him to lean on if it will be needed,which is a great help for me. Yes am a very strong person and no matter w t life throws at me I will fight it,for the sake of my kids and myself. As you have all said its just the unknown that litually eats away at you day and night unfortunately,thank you it's been such a great help reading people's own individual journeys on these chats,really does make you realise just how many of us have this to deal with in our lives. Has given me such hope in dealing with my own x  

  • Offline in reply to Suzanne73

    It sounds like you have a great strength and mentality to see this head on if needs be. 

    The place you are in right now many will tell you is so so hard. You know enough to be frightened but not enough to move forward so its a limbo quite like no other. Im just hoping maybe they will be able to speak to you before the 23rd, that does seem like quite a wait. When I was waiting for my biopsy results I went into escapism mode with movies as I found it gave me something to focus on that wasnt what was happening. 
    It really does help seeing and hearing others stories as it can feel quite lonely in the beginning. This forum has been so so helpful and everyone is so kind! Xxx 

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