Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Morning lovelies!! 

    sorry Ive been slow to respond. 
    oh  Im sorry to hear your achey, the weather this time lf year surely doesn't help either. How did you find radio therapy? Ive heard that can really cause quite intense exhaustion, have you got a nice amount of time off for Christmas?

    oh girls yesterday annoyed me a bit. So headed off to chemo for 2pm, there was a delay so didnt get seen till 3:10ish. They flush my picc sort my dressings and 20mins goes by and nothings started. About 10mins after this a lady walks up to me looking incredibly nervous and said “Ive not got good news Im afraid, the pharmacy was given the instruction but did not make up the EC. We are too short staffed to do this now so you will have to come back tomorrow” followed by “they feel awful”. Yup me too pharmacy lol!! In the end I managed to atleast get my Zomenta infusion done so it wasnt a complete waste of time but its so frustrating as it pushes everything back another day now. I find out today if they will still let me go ahead with treatment on the 1st now or if I have to rebook everything again today. Just praying this doesnt push my strong side effects days into Christmas day as my son has been so worried. 

    If I go a bit rubbish after today for a while and dont get a chance -

    I genuinely cant thank you enough for spotting this chat and responding, its made such a massive difference and Ive not felt as alone. Its wild to go back to the start of it sometimes and see how far we have come.

    Il be thinking of you all. Hope you all have amazing Christmases and New Years xxxx

  •    I hope they can help with the aching and fatigue! That's not good at all. 

       oh no! I hope there are no issues today and you will recover sufficiently to enjoy Christmas Day.

    I was waiting in the chair for an hour at my last cycle before I was seen and even had my obs done. But it did go ahead as planned. I hope thay this doesn't happen on Christmas Eve! I've got a 2.15pm appointment. 

    Thank you all for your support in the last few months. It has helped me a lot. I hope you have a good festive period with your families, irrespective of everything else. Xx