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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Thank you! I was terrified of tears being triggered at work by people saying 'how are you' in the 10 days when I was waiting for those results (had my escape route to toilets/a meeting room planned). Will be back in the office on Friday but think it will be ok now. I am also not over-endowed with cleavage and going for the no reconstruction option. So glad to have a date for surgery even if I'm not looking forward to the after effects and then the fear before the next set of results. It is heart warming to see the kindness of strangers in this forum and a real comfort to know there are others going through the same thing. 

  • Offline in reply to BF1

    Oh hon, I think I spent about 3 weeks looking like one of the blues brothers as I just kept sunglasses on all the time to hide puffy teary eyes. By the sounds of it you have done a incredible job at keeping it together. If they fall like I said its totally natural, understandable and we are all here. 
    I can totally relate, having a surgery date is so helpful as its a step forwards again and another move to putting this behind you. Its a scary time but before you know it you will be the other side of surgery. Any questions you think I can answer around mastectomies and going flat please don't hesitate to ask I cant promise Il know but happy to help. 
    I hope Friday goes well lovely, I work remotely but will be back in work next week now as I cant afford not to work during chemo but grateful I can work from home. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to BF1

        I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm glad that you have found our chat helpful though. Certainly I found chats in this forum helpful.   The waiting  for news is the worst part and having a plan Certainly did help me focus and cope. 

    Keeping everything as normal as possible helped in the run up to the surgery.  

    I lost my mum to breast cancer in 2019 (her original diagnosis was in 2004 when she was 56 and we got the news it came back I  2016) so I understand your worries but treatments have changed a lot since these times. So please remain positive. A positive mindset makes such a difference psychologically and has actually proved to have a physical impact too! Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Thank you and I’m so sorry you lost your mum to this. You’re absolutely right about  treatment advancing all the time. Sending very best wishes.

  • Offline in reply to BF1

    Hi   ladies, sorry not been on lately, just had a *** week. BF1, we understand what your going through and crying well I still can't seem to stop. 

    I've got dates for Radiotherapy, starts Monday 11th Nov every day for 5 days...I had already booked Wednesday to Thursday off work months ago, so I decided to book the Monday and Tuesday off as well. As I've said before I don't get the support from work apart from about 3/4 colleagues so I thought you know what I'm using holidays for that week as there is no way I'm travelling to and from work in between Radiotherapy appointments...I'm giving the *** of a boss a two finger salute...I'm so fed up. Don't want wrapping in cotton wool but for **** sake a bit of genuine support would be nice. Just get treated like there's nothing wrong with me...rant over. How are you all doing? Rambleon88 aww hun, heart check? what is that for? Sorry I sound ignorant don't I, you know I'm not being ignorant, hope your OK lovely. 

    I've got my tattoo dots too ladies lol, hmm had to grit my teeth a little but I did find it ok. Apparently I did great holding my breath (the radiotherapy nurse practices the technique with you first). It was daunting being in the scanner but looking back it was ok. The nurses were amazing and understanding and talked me through it all. Still waiting for the blood results to come back to decide what tablets I'll be on...worried how long that's taken even though I've chased up....off to Wales at weekend, Paul Weller in concert, can't wait as it will be a fab little break. Sorry it's long post ladies....and it's late...chat soon lovelies and BF1, we are all here for hun....xxxx

  • Offline in reply to BF1

    Hi BFI,

    I'm glad to hear that you now have a date for surgery. I had a double mastectomy 14 years ago and stayed flat. If you want any information about that, feel free to ask.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Oh hon!! Im so glad you have some time off for RT (obviously wish you were off for nicer things but still) your work havent been very supportive at all during all of this and god bless you, you really have tried your best with them!! The two finger salute lol!! 
    Yup I have to have a echocardiogram before starting chemo, apparently its standard so Im waiting on that now but that will be done on the 6th so hoping things arent delayed too long. 
    oh bless you with the tattoos, had you had any tattoos before? 
    Have they said which tablets they are considering? 
    Ive been told Il be on tamoxifen for 10 years which Im a little bit scared of as my mood can be so effected by hormones! Hope you have a fabulous weekend at the concert hon xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hi hun, only just seen your reply, well I got the call today off my absolute lovely breast cancer nurse, appears I'm post menopausal so I'll be on letrozole, be about two weeks when it's ready for me...and I've got to have a bone density scan....ffs scan for this, scan for that lol. Well if my mood gets any worse working here, God help em !!!! Lol. Never had tattoo before although my son, jesus he's got too many for my liking and my daughter had them to, although hers are quite subtle and not on show...found myself looking at breast cancer tattoos the other day.. omg lol, dare I....

    Yeah took time off as I explained for radiotherapy but wish I didn't have to but hey piece of mind and not rushing back and forth....

    Have a lovely weekend to hun. Xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Thank you so much for the Primark tip - I had a very successful trip there after work today. Felt a bit low/scared by ‘bad boob’ looking weird when I saw it in the changing room mirror but cheered up a huge amount by the post surgery bras looking and feeling good on. 

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