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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Lyns21

    The waiting is the worst part hun...as Rambleon88 said, don't Google, my breast care nurse told me the same,. No harm venting we've all had up and down days on here. I'm having pain again today and it's getting me down so much....I know it will get better...xx

  • Online in reply to TM1

    Thanks, I really needed to say to someone what's happening as I normally tell my mum everything and she's going through the mill atm so I don't want to worry her.

    I'm sorry you're in pain. I hope it lifts soon.

    My partner started on antidepressants to help him with facing it all. He says it's helping. Everyone copes differently though. He couldn't cope with talk therapy or groups. We're very different. I talk a lot.

  • Online in reply to TM1

    I saw you were worried about needing a new post-op wardrobe. If you're below a certain income Macmillan do grants for lots of expenses associated with cancer. My partner got one. It's worth looking into as along with the rest of it cancer is expensive.

  • Offline in reply to Lyns21

    Hi...nothing wrong with talking a lot, better out than in hun, I pray Wednesday comes round quick for you, I know you might not want it to, I was the same BUT the knowing is better than not knowing and only then can you move forward. Pain a little easier at the moment, just took my tablet so hopefully I'll sleep. It's a roller coaster of emotions but we are all here for you lovely. Try and get an early night and get some rest. Let tomorrow take of itself. We are stronger than we think even though inside your screaming, I was like that. Hope you're partner pulls through to. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hi hun, got a friend request from a Paul5, I've had to remove, it was clear it wasn't for me, asking if I was a nurse and saying they couldn't sleep and saying I sound like a really nice person and asking twice where I was from....gave me the creeps, just watch out...hope you're OK hun. I'm knackered after being in work. Think I'll find out this week what tablets I'll be on as letter appeared on my app to my doctor and I get copied in....I'll let you know.. xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Oh dear thank you lovely will do!! Yes as much as I hope this person is okay you have to follow your intuition!! How are you feeling now lovely has the pain eased up at all? I saw these little mini heatpacks for gloves in my local Lidils and thought of you and how something like that could help with nerve pain! Yes keep me posted and let me know how you get on with your docs!
    I nipped to my GPs today and it set me off a little bit. Ive been congested for a while so wanted to get it checked before chemo encase its a sinus infection and Im just struggling to trust my body again at the moment, the littlest ache or twinge makes me nervous. My GP was incredibly kind and feels its just a post nasal drip but wanted to talk to me about BC, how she couldn’t believe I had it and how the age of screening needs to change. Just set me off then, Im stoic until someone shows me sympathy then Im blubbing! Xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Your exactly same as me hun, someone mentions BC and I'm in flipping tears....what a pair we are....oooohhh good idea about heat pads. I'll keep an eye out, pain not too bad today so hopefully it's starting to ease. In fact I'm just about to set off for a walk with my dog, first in ages for me....I'll be more knackered lol xxx 

  • Offline

    Your experience almost mirrors my own last week. I'm having similar thoughts and the time between  appointment and my results due on Thursday feels like an eternity. I know from the conversation the doctor had with me she is expecting a positive result.  I'm literally paralysed with fear for the here and now and the future if it is indeed a positive result. My husband is currently living with cancer too and we don't deserve this. Sending hugs to you.

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    :-D honestly I walked in like “Yes Im fine how are you?” And as soon as she showed me the smallest amount of sympathy Im there like here comes the water works!! They looked fab hon check them out, Im sure amazon sell them to but they looked dinky enough to carry around compared to a hot water bottle. Enjoy your walk lovely, its piddling down here so my dogs are sprawled on my sofa xxx

  • Offline in reply to Fiadh

    Oh Fiadh, I hope you are okay, sending a big hug to you.
    As many said to me at the time, the limbo waiting for results is so hard. You will surprise yourself with your strength and vulnerability I promise you. As hard as it is right now you will be able to face whatever lays ahead, one step at a time. Xxx

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