Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    That's a good idea about taking pain medication an hour before, ill do that going forward. Made me giggle about your hubby and hair wash lol...awww. going for a sink wash now lol xxx

  • Oh lovely I cant believe you still haven't been given the results. Surely they understand how challenging of a time it is! 

    Ladies you aren't alone Im so up and down lately, I go from fine and going through day to day life as normal to being a bit of a mess semi regularly at the mo. Ive found myself just quietly leaving the room to sit by myself from time to time, have a little cry and feel terrified then head back into the room once Ive calmed down. Its a emotional minefield xxx

  • Hope all goes well on Wednesday    

    How are you getting on  ?  

    I got a call at 9am UK time. Apparently the results came in last night and it's 59/100 so it's definitely chemo. They've made the referral first thing so I'm just waiting for the planning meeting now. We fly home tomorrow. X

  • Thank you lovely, just packed my hospital bag today and its all feeling very real. 

    Im sorry to hear your having chemo, we are here every step if you need to vent. Hope you enjoyed your holiday though lovely and thank goodness you managed a get away prior to starting chemo treatment. xxxx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Hiya, awww really, hope your OK? I'm not too bad today, so far, was very emotional yesterday, could not stop crying! Still a but sore and stiff but have been doing exercises regularly. Got physio Thursday at the hospital and follow up appointment 4th October....taking one day at a time xx

  • Definitely here if need us Redruth84, safe journey home. Aww Rambleon88 be strong hun, I really hope you get home same day sweetheart. Xxx

  • Morning hun, how are you? I've managed to take my dressing off earlier! Was a little tender but did it slowly. Appearance not as bad as I thought, just a long white strip over surgery area which I have to leave for about 10 days, it may come off itself once I start getting showers again, can't wait to get one lol. Breast care nurse rang as well, she's so lovely. Have to rearrange my physio as I didn't realise, after talking with her, I can't drive for two weeks:-(, I won't be insured. My other half can't take me, which is fine. Now waiting on physio team to call back so I can rearrange. Really hope you are OK hun, I  know your emotions will be all over the place but here if you need to vent. Be strong lovely, sending mahoosive hugs to you xxxxx

  • Hello sweetness!!! Awe thank you!! Im weirdly calm at the moment but had a bit of a mini breakdown quietly to myself yesterday night and felt better from it. Thats fabulous news with your surgical site!! How long have they said you have to wait till you can shower? Ive put a little bag ready with wet wipes and skin friendly anticbac wipes for my arm pits but Im normally someone who LOVES perfume and layering scents so the ole wet wipe wash is going to be urgh for a bit :-D!! How are you feeling now lovely? Xxx

  • You made me giggle with the perfume bit, I'm same, sink wash not to be sniffed at, roaring laughing. Just had a shower, kept my back to the shower head, used a flannel at the site, only dabbing though, another scrunchie for everywhere else lol. I finally feel clean!! Managed to wash my hair to, yippee. I'm OK at the moment, going to put my make up on and dry my hair. Still got the pressure socks on, no I took them off to shower hahaha..  found my best leggings to go over so I don't look like I'm the walking wounded. Left arm, hmm feels a bit stiff if that's the right description. I'll just have to careful and take my time.. your bound to break down hun, I did coming out the shower, my dad popped in my head and I just said "dad, has it gone?", then I had a little cry. Don't hold it in hun, it's better to let it out...what time do you have to be at hospital tomorrow? Xxx

  • Oh lovely that with your Dad just instantly made me want to give you the biggest hug!! Have they said when you can expect some results after surgery? Awwww so glad you’ve managed a shower, its wild how much putting yourself fresh and clean makes you feel like yourself! Ive got to be there 7:30am so bright and early, hoping I can just get it done and over with first thing and be home same day xxxx