Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

Parents
  • Remember you can deal with what you know. Sending strength x

  • How did your pre-op go lovely??? Hope your resting up this evening!! 

    well I got some answers, the bit they are still waiting on is the HER2 status but should hopefully know Monday. My CT came back clear which is such a relief!!! My MRI confused things a little though as apparently my left boob looks like the milkyway which has led my consultant to believe its a large area with lots of small tumors but as things stand there is still no sign of node involvement. Surgery is either going to be the 4th or the 18th, hes going to try and fit me in on the 4th as hes working a day of his annual leave to help the clinic. Looks like our breast clinic has had a recent influx in cancer diagnosis which broke my heart. Had my bloods done today for genetic testing and got measured encase I want an implant. Im leaning towards going flat and using a prosthetic boob, Ive got small boobs as is so cant imagine an implant ever sitting well next to my original boob. Xxxx

  • Well I'm glad you have a plan and an op date. Hopefully it is HER2 negative and all goes ahead as planned. I hope you have some relief knowing the plan now. 

    My consultant said the same about an increase in diagnoses and also particularly an increase in younger people. Xx

  • It does feel a lot better having a plan now, and some reassurance from the CT scan, my head has been playing tricks on me something terrible. Hopefully Il be able to find out if its + or - early next week. 
    Breaks my heart hearing there is such an increase especially in young people who may have such heavy decisions to make especially around fertility and so on. Xxx

  • Hi hun, well it's wasn't as bad as I expected to be honest, stung a bit to begin with, I just shut my eyes this time...pre op was ok, lot of waiting about until bloods got done...we were so tired when we finally got home we both had a snooze....strip stitches again and plaster....aww hun, hope your OK, didn't realise it was going to be such an operation for you hun.....glad CT and nodes clear....how you feeling now? I'm still teary it's all so new and alien like....xxc

  • Sorry think I'm behind with chats at the moment trying to catch up xxx

  • Oh lovely, sending massive digital hugs to you, the whole thing is really *** and traumatic. All of us have just been thrown into this situation which no-one can ever truly prepare for. Ive been well teary today too. Its a rocky road we are all on but we will get there. Weirdly I was getting teary talking about the mastectomy to my nurse and the surgeon but mainly out of just shock if that makes sense. A month ago I wouldn't have dreamed Id be sat in a breast cancer clinic talking about removing my boob but there I was talking about just that. Hope you have a restful weekend hon, all of the adrenaline and worry is exhausting xxxx

  • It is draining you are so right. Keep strong hun, have a lovely weekend yourself....I'm still yawning my head off....xxxx

  • Hello everyone! 

    hope you all had a lovely weekend.

    Just had my HER2 results and their negative! I have a pre-op assessment over the phone tomorrow afternoon then bloods done this Wednesday with surgery penciled for either the 4th or the 18th xxx

  • Aww that's great news hun....pre-op is straight forward and bloods quite quick. Weekend was good.....hope you're feeling better in yourself xxxx

  • That's good news at least. And they do seem to  be organised. I hope it does go ahead on 4th. 

    I've chased the results again. I'm really frustrated that I have to keep chasing them! I want to book a holiday and now at I'm at the point whereby I will just book it! Xx

Reply Children
  • That is frustrating for you, can't get why it's taking so long for you. We usually go away in September to, but that's cayboshed now, which has upset me....plus side the postman who comes to work said he missed me about two weeks ago and was hoping I was ok...so I told him and he was nice, he only came back with a bunch of flowers and said stay strong, stay positive and don't cry.....awww I thought that was so lovely xxx

  • Hello both! 

    yes fair play the medical team seem to be moving really quickly. Its just been a lot to process and not going to lie Im bricking it at the thought of surgery but I do feel better now I have steps forward. 

      oh lovely I was going to message this evening to see if you’d had results. Fingers and toes crossed for you that you’ll be booking your get away asap!! 

      bless your posties heart thats so lovely!! Its really strange telling people as it just makes the whole thing so much more real. 

    xxx

  • I know was lovely of him. It's one of those when random people who you know but don't know that well or even anyone really when they say Hi, how are, you ok and they have absolutely no idea....I just can't say yay I'm great, when I'm not...if that makes sense....I'd rather be truthful.....this morning went quick, hope the rest of the day at work goes as quick....mind you it's bloody cold today lol xxx

  • Thank you. They logged onto the system, and it says estimated return date is 2 days. But I suspect that will be 3 as that will be 2 days in US and they'll be 6-8 hours behind. So I'll likely have them by the end of the week. 

       that was so lovely of your postie!  Hope you are doing OK xx

  • Morning Redruth84, not too bad thank you....only left my flowers at work didn't I, luckily I put them in water...I'll take them home tonight lol....xx

  • Oh lovely fingers and toes crossed for you!! Let us know how you get on xxx

  • Just had my pre-ops phone call. Bloody hell it all feels very real now but also about the most surreal *** Ive ever gone through. Got bloods and checks tomorrow morning then its just the count down to surgery I think.  How are you feeling lovely? Your surgery is soon too isnt it? Hope your okay hon xxxx

  • Hi sweet, not to bad today. Last night was a bit teary and I felt my mood going down hill, just want it over to be honest but I know when operation date is here I'll be a nervous wreck....its a mixture of emotions at the moment.....at my pre op I got weighed and height measured lol....hope bloods go well tomorrow hun xxx

  • Yeah it does get really real quickly. My husband identified that I was first on the surgery list when I went in for the op and that was such a huge relief!! I wasn't waiting around. There were 3 on the surgeon's list that day and my op took over 2 and a half hours. I would have been a mess waiting all that time if I wasn't first. But everyone is different. 

    Hope it goes well for both of you. 

    Still no results here but decided to book the holiday today anyway so this time next work I'll be in Crete - Yay!! Xx

  • So happy you've booked your holiday, that's brilliant, have a lovely relaxing time, you so deserve it....xxx