I can't relate to this at all. Like even in the slightest. I'm sorry you've found out too late that you've been living with an idiot. You deserve better.

When my wife and I walked out after her first proper appointment with the oncologist, and she'll tell you this herself, I could see the fear in her eyes, and i knew she'd also have those thoughts about me running through her head. I made sure those were the first words out of my mouth. That no matter the physical changes that would happen, she better not ever think it would affect me. Of course losing her hair, and the threat of having to lose a boob would affect her mentally as and when those moments came, but she was to leave me out of her reasons why losing both those things would be bad. She understood all this, and never once felt ashamed in front of me. Luckily, after chemo, her mastectomy was downgraded to a lumpectomy. Also, not all women lose their hair. What i'm saying is, not everything might pan out the way you think it will. It might, but it also might not. So you're fully aware of what you're about to face, someone needs to be honest, there's actually a decent chance you'll put weight on during your chemo, not lose it. Steroids, hormones etc can mean you gain weight. This was one of the misconceptions we had going into this, cancer and treatment = weight loss, it not. Maybe for some cancers, but not all cancers.

Like my wife, you are more than a pair of boobs. Your husband's reaction is more bull on top of an already large pile of bull, but I hope you realise you deserve better. No matter how your treatment pans out, your life is about to change forever. I could say more, but would get banned for doing so, as this sort of stuff annoys me no end.

I really hope you don't let this guy drag you down if he continues this attitude.

About what your mum said. I wasn't sure if to type this or not. A mod can remove this if it's deemed inappropriate.

About leaving your husband if it ever came to that. You're hiding behind an excuse, not a reality. My mum was abused badly by my dad. She left home with 3 kids and zero money. She had nothing, we had nothing.  She never had a single penny because my dad controlled it all. But yeah, she still left. If you can stay with your mum, stay with your mum or some relative. You are never stuck. You might think you are, but unless you're chained physically to a radiator, you can easily get out.

But you're better doing this whilst you still have the energy. Don't leave it until the effects of the treatments kick in.

There's absolutely no need to thank me because it's the very least that you're owed.

About the wig and reconstruction. Wigs can get very itchy and uncomfortable. With summer approaching, if he's so dead set on having a wig around the house, get him to pick one out for himself. I'm sure he'll enjoy the experience if he's demanding you wear one.  The reconstruction, it's your body. Do not ever let anyone, regardless of who they are, tell you what you should and shouldn't do to it. As with any surgery, there are risks attached to it. So it should be your choice alone. Sometimes it's not even possible to get reconstruction in the timeframe he has hilariously allocated to it. If you require radiotherapy, i'm sure it's not even an option for the first year because the tissue and skin will get damaged. Though, like i said, I'm not 100% sure on that.

I truly apologise that my posts have been tinged with anger, but none of it has been aimed at you at all. Can't believe a husband of 18 years would even let those words cross his lips. Being in shock doesn't excuse his words in the slightest. It's true what they say, when you're at rock bottom, people will show you their true selves.

I truly wish you the best, and come this time next year, you'll look back on this and realise you have come out a stronger person. There are some positives that will come from this journey. You will not understand nor see this at this moment in time, but you will.  Use this as a learning experience for a happier life

You made me laugh about him wearing a wig. No need for you to apologise you made my day. X