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Awaiting breast unit, struggling to sleep with anxiety

Edin_mum
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Hi all,

Posting here to save me going on repeat to my family and friends as I think I'm boring them to death with my worries that get worse by the day.

Last week I found a large lump, cut our holiday short to immediately see the GP the next day and she referred me to the Breast Unit as an urgent referral without any reassurance, other than to state it was smooth and movable and definitely a lump.

I have my appointment on the 2nd June but in the meantime I'm struggling to concentrate, sleep or focus on anything other than the fact it is breast cancer and what that might mean for my life, my kids, my partner and a new job I'm due to start (or maybe not) in a month - also meaning I won't be protected financially if I have to undergo treatment which I feel is a real likelihood.

I have just been through a 6 month period of severe anxiety and burn out with work (hence the new job that I'm really excited about, or was until this came along). I was just turning a corner after a lovely break with my family when I found this horrible ominous 2cm hard lump and then everything has reverted back to severe anxiety. I feel like I am crumbling with the anxiety and worry and don't know how to cope with the real likelihood of cancer. I am concerned that with my previous anxiety I may have missed the lump, though I am usually very body conscious. Worried that I can visibly see the lump on the top of my breast and my partner confirmed that too - he looked scared at that point.

I know there are other possibilities but these are less likely - Fi fibroadenomas are less likely at my age, and a cyst usually feels squishy and a GP can sometimes tell if they think it's this and she would have told me but she didn't.

Not sure what I'm looking for by posting here other than to let out some of the worries in a place where they may be understood.

Thanks for reading if you have got this far.

x

  • in reply to Edin_mum

    How you are feeling is entirely understandable. Hard as it is never forget the results will likely not be the worst case scenario you are fearing.

    The consultants I saw put fear into me. They seemed convinced it had spread into my skin. They took that many biopsies that my boob now looks as if it has measles. But it was to rule it out, which it did.

    You'll read it so often, there is so much waiting ... it doesn't help, but it does pass. One day at a time. Hugs xx

     

  • Offline in reply to WobzAM

    How did you get in? I hope you were all clear. 
     

    thinking of you. xx

  • Offline in reply to WobzAM

    Wobs 

    hope all went well today let us no how you got on good news I hope love Lara Heart️

  • Offline in reply to Edin_mum

    Damn, was really rooting for you. As for it being in your lymphs, no it doesn't mean you're stage 4. My wife had it in her lymphs, and she wasn't classed as that. At no point was staging mentioned (we asked, but got told it was more of an American thing), but something that was always repeated was her treatment was curative, and over a year on from treatment, she's still cancer free. Had a couple of wee scares, but they turned out to be nothing but scar tissue and an oil cyst. All caused by treatment.

    My wife is also a member of these forums, and I'll ask her if she'll talk to you, but only if you want me to ask. She was treated at the same hospital you'll get treatment, and who knows, you might even get the same surgeon and oncologist.

    Again, though, sorry you've had to go through the last few days. By far the worst mentally all this not knowing. We all find it tough. But you'll get your head together and kick its ***.

  • Offline in reply to ProfBaw

    Thanks so much for the message, it really means a lot. I was gutted as I'd held out that little bit of hope.

    I would actually love to talk to someone that's gone through it. Thank you for offering that, if your wife is up for it.

     

    h

  • Offline in reply to Edin_mum

    Hi, it's his wife here. Ok first of all take a big deep breath and let it out. You'll be fine. Honestly. Even if you have cancer. You're in extremely safe hands at the hospital you're going to and will have a team of staff looking after you. And you have the Maggie's Centre there too to help you financially and more importantly emotionally. You can pop in for a tea or coffee which they even make for you but I think you first of all need to ask to speak to Anne at Maggie's about your job and what happens now. They can set you up with an appointment with her. If it turns out you have it, it depends on your cancer stage and and lymph node involvement (which you'll get told about at an appointment with your Oncologist) on what treatments they'll give you. You might be lucky enough to get milder treatments and start your new job but if it turns out you can't, Anne can advise on what benefits you're entitled to. Does that help any? 

    It's perfectly normal to panic at the beginning as you have so very many questions and no answers that your mind is spinning. The good thing about going to hospital is you slowly get your head around it all at a pace you can deal with and start to understand the system. 

    Let us know if you need more help and sending a hug ♥️

     

  • Offline in reply to Edin_mum

    PS Sorry but my husband read the thread wrong. You don't have cancer until you're told you have it. Even with lymph node biopsies. And if you do, feel the emotions but please believe me you'll still be fine. 

  • Offline in reply to Edin_mum

    Hi Edin_mum, I'm so sorry that you've been diagnosed, even before the results of your biopsies. That's what happened to me, too, and it had spread to my lymph nodes. But that doesn't have to mean it might be stage 4. They don't tend to use stage numbers anymore and when they do, it's quite complicated depending on the sub-type, tumour size, etc. It's going to be really difficult for the next few weeks, I can't lie. But try to hold on to the fact that breast cancer therapy has improved so much in the last few years and more and more people are being treated successfully, including me. Don't be tempted to start consulting Dr Google until you know all the details of your diagnosis and treatment plan. He is not your friend and will just make you more anxious as a lot of what you'll read is not relevant, out of date or just incorrect. I'll be thinking of you and your family. Please reach out if you need to chat or just let off steam. We're all here for you. Hugs, Amy xx 

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