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Loneliness waiting for biopsy results

Crow_
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Hi

New here

I had a biopsy done on a breast lump 3 days ago (along with mammogram and ultrasound). I'm feeling ok as the doctor was reassuring that even if it turns out to be cancer it is small and everything looks clear around it, so would be a case of removing it and lymph nodes and a remote chance I would need radiotherapy.

The thing is I live alone and I've only told a couple of people what's going on and they have just been so uninterested. Maybe I emphasised too much that I was doing ok. One friend, when I told her, didn't ask a single question about anything, like when I was getting the results, what they thought it might be etc, just changed the subject. Another was similar - she was more supportive when I told her about finding the lump, but the first time I saw her after all the tests didn't want to know anything about. I don't want to get too martyr-complex about it but I feel so isolated and like I need it to be my turn to be the one getting a bit of support. I'm genuinely not freaking out about the results and don't want to take over all conversations with this, but I have to admit I wish someone cared.

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    Hi, welcome here though I'm sorry you find yourself here. This sounds really difficult for you, and I can hear how upset you are at your friends not caring and supporting you through this. You deserve to be heard and supported.

    You can always talk to us here, I'll listen, care and support and I am sure so many others will as well. There are lots of lovely people here who will be with you through all this, myself included :)

    Don't feel bad for wanting to be supported. This is an awful time and you deserve to be supported through it.

    If you want to talk in person I can suggest Samaritans who will listen and support you any time day or night. I call them a lot and always feel a lot better after.

    Never feel bad for talking and venting. It helps so much and we are all here for you xx

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    Hi Crow,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am sorry to hear of your experience with friends. Sadly, this is all too often the case. Whether it is because people are not interested, or whether they just don't know what to say, is difficult to say. I doubt that you over-egged the fact that you are doing ok. Most friends will take your news better when you can show a positive outlook. This is a time when you often find out who your true friends are.

    It is good news that your doctor was reassuring that, if this is cancer, it has been caught early and is  perfectly treatable. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer. The first was 12 years ago and the second was the following year. Despite this I still lead a busy and fulfilled life.

    It is disappointing that you haven't got the support you expected to get from your friends, but now that you've found this forum, you need never feel lonely again. There is always someone here for you on both the good and the bad days. This journey is very much a rollercoaster of emotions!

    If this does turn out to be cancer, there are also a number of local cancer charities closer to you, where you can pop in for a chat, a cup of tea or coffee,  some counselling, or some alternative therapies.

    Have you been told when your results should be back yet? I sincerely hope that all turns out well. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hi Jess16 and Jolamine

    Hope I'm replying in the right way - just starting to find my way around how this forum works and not sure if I need to reply to your posts individually or not.

    Thanks so much for your kind replies - they are honestly so comforting and I'm sitting here crying (the good kind of crying!) I will keep posting how I am doing/results etc as I go along.

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    I forgot to add - yes my results will be back two weeks from the appointment, which is the Wednesday after next.

    That's great you are doing so well and congrats on coming through it all twice! I hope you are keeping healthy these days.

  • Offline in reply to jess16

    Hi Jess16

    Kind of repeating myself here as I'm still working out the reply thing on this forum! But just wanted to make sure you would see my reply as I want to thank you so much for your kind answer to my post - it was really helpful and comforting x

  • Offline in reply to Crow_

     

    Hi Crow,

    Your replies are fine. Most people reply individually, but you can do it either way. Don't worry about the tears - be they good or bad, they are a great stress reliever.

    I am doing well thank you - a lot slower and more tired than I was pre cancer, but otherwise well. I am glad to hear that you already have a date. I shall be keeping my fingers crossed for you and look forward to hearing how you get on.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hi Crow,

    I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this feeling like no-one cares.

    It's hard to understand reasons why friends and family can fall short at times when we really need them but the good news is you are here now amongst people who are going through a similar experience ( or have been ) and only too willing to offer you support.

    I had a biopsy on 5th April and results due 22nd. I did a similar thing to you ,the other day I told a few old friends ( via group chat ) what was happening, as I'd been a bit quiet lately. Most replied "good luck" etc and then nothing since...perhaps they're waiting for more news?

    I wonder if this is the case with your friends reserving judgement ( and emotional response ) until you get your results?

    At worst they don't understand how stressful it is waiting for results.

    Anyway just my theory.

    Hope you're doing OK today :happy:

     

  • Offline in reply to Plumlet

    Hi Plumlet

    Thanks so much for your reply. I am doing better today, thanks. I think my mood was a bit generally low when I posted originally and that made everything seem worse. Also I was really tired for a few days after the biopsy etc - I don't know why as I was just lying there!

    Sorry to hear that you are in this same situation of waiting for results - I hope that you get good news on the 22nd, or that if it's not the news you hope for, you will at least know what the plan is for what to do next. Sorry also that you didn't get much response from your friends either, it's a bit crushing at a time like this isn't it? Your theories are probably right and also - although the responses I've had have put me off telling anyone else - different people might actually be supportive if I tell them. And the people who didn't say much might be more supportive if it does turn out to be bad news.

    I hope you get at least some of the people you told following up with you when you get your results. If not it's really on them. If you feel like it you could post here - or I will look out on the forum in case you post another thread somewhere.

    Thanks again for reaching out and best of luck for getting your results x

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    Hi Crow,

    I think everyone who goes through tests for cancer has that anxiety, and all we want is for someone to recognise that, and hopefully show some compassion and say something kind or thoughtful, or just give you a hug! I felt that way a couple of weeks ago after having had a lump removed and someone at my work said that I should feel OK now that it was gone, didn't get the concept of not knowing what it is (and they had had cancer themselves - cried on my shoulder at that time, I hugged them) - I still don't have any follow up appointment or anything. I am lucky that I have a very loving husband and a lovely family who are very supportive.

    The people who are on this forum have been wonderful. They know what you are going through, whatever happens. I find that I often look on here at night when I can't sleep so well, and see the amazing things some people say, and the support of people who don't know you reaching out in a very positive way. Sometimes the people we know can't handle the stress of anyone else - like when someone crosses the street to avoid you when have lost a close family member or friend, it's really more about them and not about you. 

    I guess some would say this is where you will find out who your real friends are, and I actually think that you will find the more quiet, reserved of your friends will be the most supportive. I also think that sometimes when you say the word 'lump' and 'cancer' - those words need to be processed by the listener and they don't know what to say when you tell them for the first time.

    Anyhow enough of me rambling on!. I hope that your results appointment is enlightening in a good way xx

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Songbird68

    Hi Songbird 68

    Thanks for your reply - sorry that you're also in this position of anxiously waiting for results, and also of friends not being as supportive as you hoped (being dismissive in fact). I must admit it is extra grating when it's people who we've supported in the past and who may look to us for support again in the future!!

    Sorry you haven't had a follow-up appointment yet - were you given even a rough idea of when it might be? Waiting is worrying enough but I think not knowing how long the wait is going to be must make it even harder. I hope you hear something soon and that it's good news for you x

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