Hi .

  I'm awaiting an urgent referral for pain in my left breast and I've Dr googled and I'm convinced it's the worst of the worst.  

Im getting headaches and I thought if I had cancer it's already spread but I'm really scared as I have 4 daughters one who has special needs and I have thoughts going through my mind what I would say or do.  I'm here if you need a chat,  hopefully the sickness is anxiety as the waiting is hell

Kernow

Hi Kernow,

It is never a good idea to consult Dr Google. Much of the information is poorly researched, out of date and aimed at the more sectacular cases. This will only scare the pants off you.

It is natural that your mind springs to your children immediately. I was the same at first. SInce then I have seen my children leave school, go to university graduate, find gainful employment, marry and have a family of their own. It is always helpful to keep busy, as this makes the waiting time seem to pass a little quicker. This shouldn't be difficult with four daughters to look after. I am not going to repeat what I said to La78, but you might find some of this helpful too.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you for your kind message.  I had a lump on my neck a couple of years ago and came on this forum.  Everyone was lovely and we gave comfort to each other.

My lump turned out to be a lazy lymph node and its still there, not causing any problems.  I didn't Google then but as I wanted to come back to this forum I started googling.  I wish I hadn't.  My daughters are all over 18 .  Two have degrees and now considering teaching.  One daughter doing education at college.  It's my daughter who's autistic that my thoughts are worrying me.  I wanted to find something positive but waiting for an answer is causing me quiet anxiety.  I know I'm not alone and reaching out to others is helping.

Hopefully get an appointment soon, to know the answers 

Hi Kernow,

I knew that I recognised your name. Welcome back to the forum that nobody really wants to join.

These things sometimes happen for a good reason.   I hope that I'm not speaking out of turn. If you haven't already done so, perhaps it's time to make some long term plans for your autistic daughter? - not that you'll need them just now, but for your general peace of mind. One of my friends is in a similar situation. She was diagnosed with bowel cancer a few years ago. Having things in place has taken so much weight off her shoulders.

 With all of you children being over 18, they should be more of a help than a hindrance these days. Have you told them anything yet? My children were a couple of years younger than your daughters when I was first diagnosed, but once they got over the initial shock, both have been a great support for me. I try to be as positive as I can be and this makes a big difference to us all. You will find that reaching out to others and talking aout your fears is a help. You may find that some don't know how to talk about it and others dont want to talk about it, so you may lose some friends. However, I have made more friends that I have lost in the past 12 years.

I am so glad to hear that your swollen lymph node turned out to be nothing sinister. I understand that this can happen quite often. Try to forget all that you've read on google. If you were to believe everything written there, you'd be in a six foot box with the common cold. 

I sincerely hope that your appointment comes through soon and that all turns out well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Kernow,

I knew that I recognised your name. Welcome back to the forum that nobody really wants to join.

These things sometimes happen for a good reason.   I hope that I'm not speaking out of turn. If you haven't already done so, perhaps it's time to make some long term plans for your autistic daughter? - not that you'll need them just now, but for your general peace of mind. One of my friends is in a similar situation. She was diagnosed with bowel cancer a few years ago. Having things in place has taken so much weight off her shoulders.

 With all of you children being over 18, they should be more of a help than a hindrance these days. Have you told them anything yet? My children were a couple of years younger than your daughters when I was first diagnosed, but once they got over the initial shock, both have been a great support for me. I try to be as positive as I can be and this makes a big difference to us all. You will find that reaching out to others and talking aout your fears is a help. You may find that some don't know how to talk about it and others dont want to talk about it, so you may lose some friends. However, I have made more friends that I have lost in the past 12 years.

I am so glad to hear that your swollen lymph node turned out to be nothing sinister. I understand that this can happen quite often. Try to forget all that you've read on google. If you were to believe everything written there, you'd be in a six foot box with the common cold. 

I sincerely hope that your appointment comes through soon and that all turns out well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

I have looked at long term placements before Covid hit, but my husband is against it.  We both have heard bad things but I keep saying there are many good places.  If I do have something sinister then he wouldn't be able to cope with her on his own.  I think this is why I find talking to my husband very difficult when something on health comes up as he gets worried about being able to cope if I'm not around.  

That's why I have quiet anxiety and coming on here it helps to talk things through.

This time I'm scared, when I talked to the emergency doctor I thought she was going to give me some different tablets, not send me for an urgent referral.  

Roll on 8 for me to phone up.

Kernow

Hi Kernow,

This is always a difficult decision to take. It is never easy to find the right placement. I agree that there are good and bad places, but you have a better chance of finding her a good place while you have time to look around and then to see her settled and happy, while you are still here to see that she is in the right place. If you leave it to the last minute, you'll probably just have to take whatever is offered whether suitable or not. Maybe this might make a good argument to persuade your husband to do something sooner, rather than later?

I am hoping that you won't need to do this because of a cancer diagnosis, but any one uf us  could be the victim of a freak accident at any time. Having things in place now would give you peace of mind.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

I appreciate and totally get what your saying but understand this is something that is constantly on our minds.  I work with young adults with PMLD and I have seen a loss of a parent and the worries the surviving family have.    It's not that easy to let go and no one can tell you when the right time is.  We will do it when everyone is ready,  and before covid he was nearly there. My daughter have 3 amazing sisters who would, and could look after her before making a decision if necessary if me or my husband are not around, so it won't ever be a last minute decision, and financial secured.. It's if anything happen to me my husband would find it hard to cope generally on his own.  

.But I agree I would like that knowledge and knowing she is happy and safe.

At the moment my thoughts are only on my appointment next week and I'm extremely worried.  I can't stop thinking about it.  Thank you again for caring, I do appreciate it

Kernow

Hi Kernow,

I agree that it is almost impossible to think of anything else until you have your appointment next week.. Are you aware that, if you need a biopsy, you may have to wait a further 1-2 weeks to get the results back?  This is another worrying couple of weeks, so here's hoping that you'll be lucky enough not to need one.

Hoping and praying for good news.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx