Alice123

Hi Alice 123,I'

ve  just read your post and quite honestly I'm shocked  at the fact that your husband isn't being supportive to you,he should be encouraging you to go ahead with the planned operation and treatments being offered to you. You have posted that you and your husband are not getting on  and he is nasty and not supportive ,why would you even listen to him its your body  and it can save your life.i know you said your afraid of going ahead because your husband didn't want you to,but I'd be more afraid  of what might happen  if you don't have the operation.  You also say you have children  and they need you , is there anyone who can talk sense into your husband  ,maybe a doctor or someone at the hospital, maybe your consultant, if you explain to them the reason you cancelled the first date for your operation, was because your husband doesn't want you to have the operation, surly someone needs to sit him down and talk about  what benefits the operation can give you ,one of them may do this if you explain everything to them.  If it was me I'd just go ahead with it even if my husband was against it, I'd say its my body,my life,my decision and no one is going to stop me from doing what I know deep down is the right thing to do. Good luck with everything  I do hope you stand up to your husband  and do what's right for you and your children. 

Hi Alice. 

This is a phenomenally challenging place you find yourself in. I echo the other advice and would explain to your nurse why you felt the need to cancel originally and see what support is available to talk to your husband. 

I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in July and had the surgery then too, I'm awaiting my RAI next week.

It is your decision to go ahead with the surgery. If you do not have the support of your husband, put your own support in place. Make sure you know who your clinical nurse is so you always feel like you're on top of what's going on. See if there's a local community transport to help with attending appts when you may not feel like driving.

I hope you are able to get the treatment you need and in a few months can look back on this and know you made the right decision. 

All i can say is have the operation if your doc says you should. 
 

your husband should be supportive and clearly isnt it. This will not help anything. Its your body. Your illness. Id follow what doctors tell you;) 

Hello love, 

just wanted to pop in and say I agree wholeheartedly with all the advice you've been given here ️ 
 

Shame on your husband! He sounds very coercive and a bully. Has he been through med school? Does he really think he knows better than your consultant? Shocking! At a time when you need him most he's turned out totally useless....Grrrrrr

Make sure you let you medical team ( including your GP ) the complete lack of support from your husband. He can't threaten you with the old " you're not welcome back if you get the op" Tosh!!!

Plan ahead for your future love....and I'm sorry you're going through all this horrible nightmare with "him" ....how dreadfully selfish....

xxxx

Hello Alice123

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and the situation you have regarding your husband's lack of support. It's obviously an incredibly difficult time and I'm so glad that you've reached out for support. 

I can see that some of our forum members have already replied to your post sharing their advice and support. They're made some good suggestions about speaking to your GP and letting the hospital team know about the situation. It's really important that they are aware so that they can help support you to make the right choices. If you have any close family members or friends that you can confide in then do speak to them as well. I'm sure that they would want to help you in any way that they can. 

As I’m sure you appreciate being a cancer charity this isn’t our area of expertise but we wanted to give you some information so that you can get some help and support from other organisations if you wanted to. It's very important to recognise that domestic abuse isn't always about violence, it can also incude emotional abuse and coersive behaviour. You can read more about this and find a lot of helpful information on the Government website.

You might want to call the National Domestic Abuse helpline for a chat. They are available on freephone 0808 2000247, or you can contact them directly from their website. Their expert advisers offer confidential, non-judgmental support and information 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 

You might also find it useful to talk to someone at Relate about the difficulties you are having in your relationship. They offer a range of digital and telephone counselling services, you can call them on 0300 0030396 to discuss whether this is something you might find useful. And finally, there I wanted to give you the link to a charity called Refuge. You may find it helpful to have a look at some of the information on their website as well. 

If you'd like to talk things through with one of our team of nurses Alice123 then you're most welcome to call them. I know that they will be happy to listen and offer any advice and support that they can. If you'd like to chat with them they're available Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm on 0808 800 4040. 

Facing a possible cancer diagnosis is a difficult time for both the patient and their loved ones and sometimes you need to talk to others who understand. Please do continue to use Cancer Chat to share your feelings or get support whenever you feel you need it. We're here to listen and offer any support and help that we can. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi Alice,

You have already had great advice, especially from the Moderator, Jenn. 

This isn't your husband's decision to make for you. Your health is the only thing to consider and the surgery is a must. You say you are scared that it's already spread - well I hate to be blunt but it has already spread if the biopsy shows it's in the nodes. Without surgery it will spread internally and there is no natural treatment that will stop it in it's tracks. If your husband can't or won't support you then for you, and your children, you have to face this without him.

Please reach out to any family member or friend that can stand by your side at this difficult time. Do not let anyone make a life and death decision on your behalf - you only get one life and it's in your hands. Good luck and I hope you find the strength and support you need to get through this.

You must do what you want no matter what my father has recently passed away from cancer within 5 weeks these things should not be left as they can spread like the plague if nurses had picked up my dads condition earlier he may still be here you are in a very good position that in a sense it's treatable and you could live a long life but if cancer moves to other areas which are not treatable it dosent put you in a good position explain that to him and as for a natural route it does not exist to be very blunt it's only manageable by doctors and nurses to a certain extent vitamins good diet and the likes are good for everyone but can't stop lumps and bumps  which feed off your hormones I think you know what's best but you are seeking validation and are maybe even thinking your husband may be right 5% but you must go with your instinct 

Sorry to hear you are going through that and I agree with all the previous advice. It is important to get treated and also important that you get some support as regards your relationship as it sounds like that is quite difficult for you.

Just to give a little bit of reassurance, though it's likely you already know this, thyroid cancer is quite slow developing so it is unlikely that delaying the treatment two months will make much difference, at least assuming it is papillary or follicular thyroid cancers. There are more serious forms but they are, thankfully, rare. And spread to the lymph nodes is relatively common in papillary thyroid cancer and often does not affect staging. It does depend on your age but if you are under 45 (or maybe 55, depending on where you read it), you will still be stage 1 even with spread to the lymph nodes.

That said, it does still need treatment. It may be a fairly mild form of cancer, but it is still cancer and isn't going to be cured "naturally." It is fairly easily treatable with surgery and radioiodine treatment, so really you have everything to gain from getting that treatment, though I understand that it is hard for you to do so when there is so much pressure on you.

Hi

Thank you for taking the time out to respond to my post.

Trust me i know i shouldn't listen to him or let him get in my head but it's so hard when you have a fear of that person, i totally agree that he should be being supportive, I've tried talking to him so many times but its like he is just not getting it.

ive offered for him to come into the docs with me so he can ask any questions but he just refuses, feel like im being backed into a corner :(

I think standing up and leaving is the only option i have left as I've already rearranged the operation date due to being scared to of telling him the date and deep down that isn't right.

Thank you for the support, i appreciate it so much