Hi, just seen your post. 
 

So sorry you're going through this nightmare, it's surreal isn't it? Like watching a film and you're playing the starring role! For me it felt like it wasn't actually happening to me ( if that makes sense) I was just putting one foot in front of the other.....

Has your husband always been distant or is it just now...after your diagnosis? 
 

Anyway, wanted to say you're not alone...reach out anytime ️

Hi Marlyn

Thank you for taking the time to respond. You're absolutely right, it is like playing a part in a film, most definitely one foot in front of the other.

To be honest he's never been terribly good with emotional issues and tends to retreat into himself, doesn't know what to say so says nothing kind of guy, I get that we're all different (life would be pretty boring if we were all the same), just difficult right now for me too, sure I'll feel better about it all tomorrow, sometimes it's just the initial shock Isn't it! 
 

Thanks again xx

Things will settle down, in the very beginning everything is a whirlwind of appointments and paperwork...the amount of literature that was put my way took my breath away! Was I actually meant to read and understand all this stuff? 
The only way I coped was hour by hour day by day....I tried very hard not to look too far ahead ( although I did find myself wondering what hymns I wanted at my funeral)! 
 

Your poor husband is trying to digest everything too and will be going through his own version of the hell cancer brings for everyone. This may sound odd but I can't help feeling it's harder for our loved ones, having to watch us go through this. We have treatment plans and are told and guided as to what to do and expect, our loved ones don't have that....My husband coped by taking all my appointments and making charts of what why and when...listing everything.....it was his way of taking control and I was more than happy he do this as I found myself floundering! 
 

I promise things will settle and you will find an even ground somewhere along the line.... ️

Hi Karen

I was in a similarish situation to you although I found a lump - the radiographer c ould see nothing in my lymph nodes with the ultrasound and the biospy suggested that it had not spread so had a lumpectomy and SNB in June - was told surgery and radiotherapy would all be over in around 12 weeks!  Then like you the shock of going back for results to be told clear margins in the breast but cancer found in 1 of the 3 nodes they took.  Like you I was devastated they then told me there is a 30% chance they will find something in the nodes that was not picked up before - I wish they had told me this before then maybe I wouldn't have been so shocked and upset.   

I was then told surgery to remove further nodes may mean I can avoid chemo - so I opted for this - met the surgeon last week who told me no further nodes were positive so just 1 out of 14.  This week I had a telephone appointment with the oncologist who is in Greece but member of an Oncology Team in South East England! He recommended chemo - again I was shocked and now thinking nothing else was found so why chemo and what was the point of going through another operation which caused me more problems than the first one - with swelling and infection and carried higher risks of Lymphoedema only to have to have chemo anyway - if I had just opted for chemo I would have been 6 weeks into my treatment by now.  Unsure of what my next steps are - I have to decide re chemo or just radiotherapy or the Optima Trial (but this was not explained very well - over a bad telephone connection from Greece).  So sorry this is not much help to you I am afraid but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your experience and I am sure there are lots more out there like us.   

So sorry to hear about your husband, it is difficult for partners I think, mine is trying to be supportive but he doesn't really know how and I too feel very alone - I think it is me who is going through this and not sure he can understand exactly what it is like.  I am still processing it all and go between being angry and sad and positive have accepted that it is okay to cry and feel negative but I am also just trying to carry on and doing things I enjoy doing to occupy my mind so it doesn't have time to think!  I really hope some of the lovely ladies on here can offer you advice.   Take care - sending love and hugs.

Hi Jac-in-the-Box

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for sharing your story with me, I'm pleased to hear that following further surgery your lymph nodes were clear, that must have been a huge relief for you.

How is your arm now? Has the swelling gone down? Possibly a daft question but did you have a drain for a week after and if so how did you find this? 

My consultant has already advised I will have chemotherapy, irrespective of anything they do or don't find in further nodes so at least I'm expecting that.. I had a call today and booked in for the surgery on the 13/09 so not too long to wait either which is good news. I'm back to work on Monday so I'm sure that'll help with giving me a new focus, in between the pre assessments, anaesthetist appointments ( I take warfarin due to numerous blood clotting conditions) not forgetting Covid test! 
 

I agree, it is very difficult gor partners isn't it, if you ever need to chat please don't hesitate to let me know, it certainly helps chatting things over with people that understand.
 

Your email has helped a great deal so thank you abd I do hope your own journey goes as planned and no additional curve balls are thrown at you. 

Tahe care x

Hi Marlyn

You're right, lots of paperwork, books and appointments, but all necessary. I'm certainly feeling a little better abd not as she'll shocked as I was last night, chatting on here clearly helps that, it makes you feel less alone.

I agree, I do think it's harder for our loved ones too, they are sat on the sidelines feeling helpless I'm sure, I know I would if it were the other way round.

Thank you again for your helpful response. May I ask, where in your journey are you? Are you now out the other side of it so to speak?

Take care, Karen xx

Hi,

yes, I'm out the other side with plenty of battle scars...surgery, chemo, rads, herceptin ( the cancer was hormone positive) and now on hormone inhibitors for the foreseeable...

There are good and bad days and I sometimes look back in awe that I actually went through all that, friends tell me "how strong I am" but I didn't get a choice...you just crack on as best you can...

Good luck with everything love....you can and will do this xxx

I'm so glad to hear you've come through the other side, undoubtedly stronger.

Thank you for your kind words and positive vibes xxx

Hello Karen (and Marlyn)

just read your messages. Glad to hear you are feeling a little better about things after getting responses from those in similar circumstances. I have to say I too have found this site so helpful.  Everyone on it knows what cancer does to us. They recognise the fear, the death thoughts, the hope we all cling to.....It seems to completely consume us and leaves us isolated and scared. I was SO relieved to read other people's stories because up until then I had felt I was going mad, but this site made me realise my response was just normal! 

I was diagnosed in November 2019 and completed treatment, (breast reduction and radiotherapy x15) in February 2020 just before lockdown. The feeling of being alone and so scared of what was before me is still etched in my mind though. It's all such a big ask but we have no choice. Like you say, we have to somehow manage it all. 
 

So I am nearly two years past diagnosis and treatment and just wanted to say I found most friends (with two notable exceptions) to be pretty  useless really. They meant well  I am sure but they really didn't 'get it'. Cancer attacks every part of us and no where more than in our minds. (I can SO relate to planning the funeral hymns!!) 

My husband immediately took control of everything practical because that's what he does.  He was stunned and struggling too and along the way I  think we 'lost' one another a bit but time has been kind.  Once the urgency/fear/shock had lost its sting we reconnected better than ever. I obviously didn't want cancer to be a part of our lives (!) but it was and it strengthened us for sure.  Just wanted to say that because I know cancer attacks us on every front. Our relationships are precious  and can take a battering but hold on.  They can come back better than ever  

Wishing you both good health and happy days ahead  

Kebbs x x 

Hi Karen

Sorry for delay in replying - trying to stay off the internet for a while and enjoying the sunshine.  Yes my arm is okay now thanks - I still get a pulling feeling inside when I am doing the exercises but not as bad as it was.  Re -the drain - no I only had one in overnight in the hospital but it was removed late the next morning, they put a dressing over the hole and I went home around lunchtime.  So glad you have a date for your surgery and as you say not too far away.  Wishing you all the best - please let us know how you get on.  Sending love and hugs.  Jac xxx