Hi @Jolamine 

I re-read your previous message and I’ve missed to mentioned this... That’s true, having cancer and after treatment our situation is like riding a rollercoaster. It is a bumpy ride and scary.I easily get irritated and grumpy with just a small thing. I speak to my husband about it and ask him to widen his patience and hold his temper and ignore me when sometimes I acted strange. People around us need to understand our behaviour because it’s not easy dealing with cancer. It give us mentally and emotionally exhausted. 

The Physiotherapist asked me if it is okay with me that another therapist will assist me so she can refer me to the breast cancer physio team, I reply “I’m fine with my online class breast cancer exercise”. I don’t bother asking her a favour after she declined twice. 

Today is my friend’s birthday and I (drove 8 miles one way) went to their house to give her a birthday gifts. She noticed and mentioned that I lost weight. She never know what’s going on with me in the past 3 months. We keep communicating tru text messages and phone calls but we did not see each other since October last year  when I had a car crashed. She was my passenger when my  car involved with head on collision with another car. So nearly 4 months since the  last time we’ve met before we see each other again today. 

So taking Tamoxifen in 2 months time did not put me on weight. Maybe it’s too early to see improvement of gaining weight. This is what I read on reviews of people taking Tamoxifen that they put on weight, hot flushes, dry skin and insomnia. Plus the fact that I abstain from eating red meat and sugary food. I think that helps not to gain weight so soon while recuperating from breast operation and radiotherapy. 

Soon will be spring time and  slowly easing the lock down and that we have more time to go out the house for a walk or do gardening to keep us busy. 

Thank you and have a good evening. 

Sending you virtual hugs. X

LL2011

Hi Lagerlime,

A cancer diagnosis brings with it a whole plethora of emotions from fear, anxiety, concern for loved ones and, we no longer feel in control of our own lives. Is it any wonder that we feel grumpy and tetchy? My husband is the most mild mannered man and, we have seldom had a cross word in 47 years of marriage, but I made his life a nightmare when I was first diagnosed. I explained to him that I couldn’t help how I felt and asked him to make allowances for my unacceptable behaviour.

The poor man eventually had to seek the help of a counsellor to deal with the situation and, she assured him that this could happen and gave him some coping tips. I knew that I was being totally unreasonable, but just couldn’t help myself. I am now thoroughly ashamed of how I behaved, which was totally out of character. If it hadn’t been for some members on this forum, I don’t know what I would have done. They honestly kept me sane, which is why I have contributed to so many posts.

I’m sure that you enjoyed meeting up with your friend yesterday, even though she had no idea of how much you’ve been through since she last saw you. I didn’t realise how much weight I’d piled on with hormone therapy until I had been taking them for a few years. It is just as well that you are aware of the possibility of weight gain early on and can keep it in check.

The nights are getting lighter already and the early plants are slowly coming into flower. I can’t wait to get back out in the garden and to feel some fresh air again.

Things have to get better!

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Lagerlime,

In the beginning of our cancer journey, we are in a continual state of shock, fear and anxiety. We don't sleep well, don't function properly and, feel that we are not in charge of our own lives. It's no wonder that we feel grumpy and tetchy. My husband is the most mild mannered man, who has supported me fully in everything throughout our marriage. We have seldom had a cross word between us in 47 years, yet I made his life miserable when I was first diagnosed. I knew that I was doing it, but I couldnt help it. I had asked him to excuse my totally irrational behaviour, which he tried to do.

I am ashamed to say that he eventually saw a counsellor, who explained that my behaviour was not unusual and gave him some coping strategies. I would never have believed that I could have behaved like this and, this is why I now contribute to this forum, as the members here were what kept me sane at that time.

It must have been good to catch up with your friend today, even though she is unaware of all you've been through since she last saw you. I didn't notice my weight gain until I had been taking hormone therapy for a few years, so it is worth being aware of this side-effect before it happens and, trying to forestall it.

It is lovely to see the lighter nights creeping in and, to see the early plants starting to flower in the garden. I am really looking forward to getting back to gardening and getting out in the fresh air again.

Things can only get better!

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi @Jolamine,

Sorry for the late reply. That’s true, starting in our cancer journey isn’t always easy. At the moment although all the treatment has been done but when I remember that I have CANCER it changed my emotion and feel down. I try to keep myself busy so I don’t think too much about it and try to think positive again after my plans and dreams has been shattered after the diagnosed. Hopefully it will pass soon and get back to normal life and slowly put all the nightmares behind me.

You are so lucky having a good husband of 47 years and beautiful family. Congratulations!!! We experienced turbulence after a year of our marriage and that problem lasted nearly 2 years. I thought our marriage lasted only less than 3 years and we end up in divorce. His ex wife tried to  come in between our marriage that I almost give up. She keep texting and emailing to my husband to regain his love and attention. But in the end I win because I fight for my right as a legal wife and eventually I get rid of her. 

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer my husband supported me all the way from day 1 up the end of my radiotherapy. Good thing because his last month of work was December 2020 and he is retired now, he has all the time to look after me. He can do some housework but Unfortunately he don’t cook. So after I had my operation twice last year, (cholecystectomy/Hernia 06-10-2020 and lumpectomy 16-12-2020) after a day I need to get up and look for something to cook otherwise we both starve! (I don’t like ready meal/food from superstore) I did not complain and ask him to cook as I know since we’ve meet he mentioned that he don’t cook. Aside from that, in general he is very supportive and loving husband of our 10 years of marriage especially this time that I needed him most. 

I know he also feel hard especially we have no one to share with our problem, my health condition and talk to our friends because I strongly refused not to tell any of our group of friends. I prefer not to tell them as of now. Maybe one day when I’m ready to tell them but not now. Even his 2 sisters did not know about it. At least I have peace of mind recuperating. 

I am okay with my shoulder exercise. I carry on doing those routine exercise I’ve found in YouTube NHS website. I feel a lot better now than before. 

I got a text message yesterday from our local Medical Center. My GP sent me a text and link to book an appointment for covid 19 vaccine. It’s so quick that I got the vaccination today. So far I don’t feel sore with my left arm after the vaccine. Hopefully this will be our gate pass to get out from these miserable life during the pandemic so we can start to enjoy our tremendous freedom go holiday and travel again in the not too distant future. 

We can smell the spring time coming soon, hear the birds singing early in the morning and getting lighter. I am planning to do gardening and plant more flowers and vegetables in our small garden which I have not done for years due to my busy days when I was working. 

This is all for today. Take care and have a good evening. 

Big hugs! 

LL2011

Hi Lagerlime,

We are all dealing with the daily pressures of life so please don’t worry. You never need to hurry to reply to me. It is still too early for you to fully come to terms with all that has happened recently. You have had two serious operations in a very short space of time. The thing to remember is that we all have down days - the trick is to pick yourself up and start afresh the next day.

I don’t think that life is ever quite the same after a cancer diagnosis, but we can make a new normal and still fulfill most of the dreams and aspirations that we had before.

I am so sorry to hear about the problems that you’ve had within your marriage and, am glad to hear that all is back on track now. Your husband has picked a good time to retire and I’m glad to hear that he is looking after you well. You could always teach him how to cook, now that he has more time on his hands. I am fortunate that my hubby loves to cook and has done so from when we first met. This is a relief for me, as I have no worries about him starving if he is left alone.

I am glad to hear that you are continuing with your exercise and that your shoulder is feeling better than it was. You will feel better now that you have had your first Covid vaccine too. Here’s hoping that this will open the world up again. It would be just lovely to start planning holidays again. Even just to get out and about locally would be a treat.

Spring is definitely in the air. The first of my spring bulbs are through and I should have a lovely display soon, as I planted lots of new bulbs last year. I am desperate to start work in the garden, but although the days are brighter, it is still too cold to do anything worthwhile.

Look after yourself and, don’t overdo things.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

It is always a great pleasure to get a reply from you as member of support group here in CRUK. I sent a couple of messages to some ladies here but no reply. Hope they are all okay after their treatments. 

Not much to do today. I plan to walk later but it is very cold outside (tonight will be -5 in our county) so I just hang around the house and do something to occupy my time. Now I have the time to chat and reply to your message. 

As I said in my previous message that you are lucky to have an understanding and loving husband of 47 years. And that’s a bonus if he can cook because that is a big help for you. 

I think I was unfortunate when it comes to husband that cook. My late first husband doesn’t cook. Now another husband don’t cook. He can do simple meal like beans on toast, eggs on toast, steak and chips and the rest if I don’t cook he end up go to the shop and buy ready made  food and put in the oven or microwave. I think he is too old to learn how to cook. I did not try to teach him because we might end up arguing in the kitchen. He is just a lazy old man when it comes to cooking as he don’t like peeling potatoes, carrots, etc. LOL 

After had my lumpectomy he go food shopping most of the time for more than 2 months. I give him a list what to buy. Instead of buying a curry sauce he bought chilli con carne sauce. This is just an example that he did not cook and did not know what to buy although it is on the list. 

I don't mind preparing our food especially now that I am not working, we don’t have pets to look after so just the two of us looking after each other. He did not retire at 65. He is one of the bosses in the company so directors and staffs cannot kick him out until he is ready to retired at 72. He still have job to do and go to his office once a week for a couple of hours. 

I can imagine how beautiful your garden when all those bulbs started to blooms on its beautiful flowers. I always love spring time and summer where you can see flowers everywhere. It’s not long now you’ll be busy attending to your garden.

This is what we are looking for when things back to normal and we can travel again like we did before the covid to go out the country 4 - 5 x a year. We got stock last year no chance to travel so we are so desperate to go to warm and sunny countries. Keep finger cross in a couple of months we slowly back on the track where we can do whatever we want to do without  worrying about catching the virus. 

Thank you once again for taking the time to reply to my message. 

Have a blessed weekend. 

Best regards,

LL2011

Hi Lagerlime,

I do not belong to CRUK support group. I am just a cancer pilgrim, like most others on here. It is always a worry when you get no reply. You will usually find thatthese people pop up a little further down the line and are doing well. We all have darker spells when we are recuperating from surgery or too fatigued to post for a few weeks, due to chemo or the daily rigours of radiotherapy.

I agree that microwaved ready meals are not a patch on home cooked meals, but it sounds as if your husband can manage a simple meal, so he shouldn't starve. Chilli Con Carne sauce would certainly make an interesting addition instead of curry sauce. I cook most of my food fresh too, but I find it useful to batch cook certain meals and pop a few in the freezer. This is handy on the days when I don't have the energy to cook from scratch.

Your husband is like me. I have my own business and I am still working part-time at 72. My initial plans were to retire at 50, but my husband had a quadruple heart by-pass just before that and had to stop working. This was followed by pneumonia and a stroke. Since then he has had several mini strokes and has recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia. Unfortunately, he didn't get any benefits, so I have had to keep working.

It is still very cold here, but I got out in my garden today for the first time this year. I just did some tidying up and, it's amazing how much more  cared for it looks already. Seeing all the spring flowers peeping through gives us hope for the future. I love this time of year when I can look forward to seeing the summer flowers coming into bloom.

We are looking forward to planning holidays again too, although I don't think that we'll be going abroad this year. It would be just lovely to get back to some sort of normality again. I can't wait to meet up with family and friends and start socialising again. If you normally go away 4-5 times a year, you must feel that you are really needing a holiday by now. Here's hoping that you can book one soon.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello @Jolamine 

Hope everything’s okay with you and your family.

Oops! Sorry. I misinterpret and not thinking about it before typing my previous message. Yeah you are right! We are not a member or staff  of CRUK but we are only using the website and join the cancer patient’s forum and chat with real strangers  who have the same health problem. I try to keep answering if I got a message  to keep in touch so they will know that I am still kicking and dealing alright after my breast cancer treatment. I find it very helpful when I hear testimonies from other cancer patients (like you) how they deal with it and eventually survived and live a happy life. 

Sorry to hear about your husband’s ailments that made him stop working not in due time until his retirement age. Fortunately you have your own business and that is a big help for your  family. God bless you. 

No matter how much we look after ourselves live a healthy lifestyle but time comes we fall ill. I don’t smoke and drink occasionally but among the 2 of us (my husband) I am a sickly  person with underlying health issues. (High blood pressure, osteoarthritis and now breast cancer) My husband smoke since he was 17 years old. He has a regular drinking sessions in the pub with his group of friends (before pandemic) 3-4 x a week, but generally he is healthy at 72.  God bless him. 

BTW, recently I encountered a skin problem. Very dry and flaky skin. I have E45 that I used for my breast after the radiotherapy. I used E45 as my lotion but the flakes and dryness of my skin is getting worse. Good thing my husband have Diprobase he used last year for the eczema on his hands, I applied twice a day on my legs, arms and body, after 3 days my dry skin healed and back to normal. I’m still using Diprobase now as my body lotion. I think having dry and flaky skin is a side effect of Tamoxifen?  I noticed I started to gain weight although the portion of food I’m eating is still the same, I abstain from eating sugary food and red meat, (as I said before) no drinking alcohol since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November last year, but then again, is this a side affect of Tamoxifen? I read a lot of comments from patients taking Tamoxifen and these are the side effect they mentioned about  of taking this cancer medication.

 I hope weather will be good soon so I can start walking again like what I did before that I walked at least 5-6 miles 3-4x a week. I was not able to walk far since I had lumpectomy in December so maybe gaining weight is cause of not doing more walking and exercises. 

Well, I cannot wait for the proper spring time as well as easing the lock down in the coming months. We live in England so lock down is still in place. We cannot go anywhere except go out for food shopping. 

Have a lovely weekend. Take care. 

Wth kind regards, 

LL2011

HI LagerLime,

Hearing testimonies from others who have been through the same experiences as you is a great solace. I have certainly found this to be so throughout the years.

It is always helpful for those who have replied to you to hear from you occasionally, so that they know you are ok. Sometimes we don’t hear from people for a while and we begin to worry. More often than not, this is just because they have been going through a bad patch or are fighting excessive fatigue, etc., so it is a great relief to hear from them again.

Sadly, it is not always those who live a healthy life who enjoy good health throughout life. I had a great uncle who had heart problems from an early age. He drank like a fish and smoked (pipe) like a lum. His poor wife, who never smoked or drank,  spent her life running after him worrying about whether or not he’d taken his medication. He lived until he was 95 and his wife died in her 50ies. Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.

I am sorry to hear about your dry skin, but this seems par for the course. I have heard of other ladies finding the same with E45 and they have used Dermol. You should be able to get this and/or Diprobase on prescription. Better still, why not contact your breast care nurse and ask her what is best? I use Hydromol bath and shower emollient and Hydromol ointment and occasionally turn to QV cream when the Hydromol doesn’t completely cure the problem.

I am sorry to hear about the weight gain despite all the care you’re taking. I managed to shed 6 stone after I stopped taking Tamoxifen and then Letrozole. I had to have both knees replaced during treatment as a side-effect of Letrozole, so it took some time before I was fit enough to exercise properly. It shouldn’t be that long before you can start to get out for some nice long spring walks. We live up north, so are unlikely to begin coming out of lockdown gradually until the beginning of  May.

I hope that you enjoy the weekend.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

That’s right. Receiving a reply  and listening to testimonies base on their experiences from people in this forum  is a great solace. I never expect that I’ll be part of this group chat but I am so glad that I found this site, it really help me to keep going on to my cancer journey. And also, I can express and share to a real strangers how I get on, how I’m coping with this illness. It is not always easy having a cancer but we have no choice we have to deal with it one way or another. 

At the moment I am okay using Deprobase as my body lotion. My skin look smooth slowly back to normal. My right breast started to get healed after the radiotherapy. I feel a lot better now that I start walking every late  afternoon. I walk 2 miles everyday just walking around in the residential areas in our small town.  Next week on the 26th will be my phone call appointment with my oncologist. Hopefully there will be no more hospital appointment. 

When I’m free I always go find new post of people who are newly diagnose with all sort of cancers. I reply to some of their post with the hope that my message to them is a bit of help ease their feelings being so down and devastated. Only to realise that there are thousands of patients has been diagnose with cancer in the UK.  And it makes me wonder why until now there is no medicine to cure of high grade cancers. They managed to make covid-19 vaccines which is new virus but for high grade cancers there is  no medicine. 

I have a friend, I know this lady because she work here in England about 8 years ago and after she finished her contract she go back to her home country. But being apart doesn’t mean that our friendship ended. We keep communicating via social media. Last year August she was diagnosed with metastasis breast cancer that spread to her bones that made her unable to stand up and walk. She became cripple for a while and very devastated! 

To cut a long story short, she undergo chemotherapy 6 sessions. As far as I am aware of she has no breast operation as yet. But before her 6th session of chemo, her sister in law died of stage 4 breast cancer (just 5 days ago.) They never knew that her husband’s younger sister has also breast cancer which is more aggressive than my friend’s metastasis breast cancer. They are all shocked and regret why none of the family never informed of her recent plight and only informed them of her death. 

I got a message from my friend the other day, she said the whole family are mourning over the sudden death and loss of a member of the family. She is only in her late 40’s but she left a husband and young kids behind. So sad..

 No matter how old or young you are, we all die. When it’s our  time, it’s our  time no one can alter it.  This is what my husband said before..”we can’t take money when we die. Let’s go holiday as much a we can while we are still able to climb the stairway to board the aircraft”. He is right. As I said before we go out the country 4-5x a year. Beaches holidays and cruise holidays. When covid-19 came last year, we had no chance to go out the country anymore! Here comes the lock down until now. Very frustrating. That’s why life is too short. We have to enjoy and live life to the fullest because we only live once. 

Take care and Big hugs.. 

LL2011