Hi Donna 

Most friends and family don't know what to do for the best so they try to keep positive thoughts and actions to try to keep you positive.

If you've still got everyone around you your lucky some get scared.

Good luck with your treatment and your future. 

Billy 

Hello Donna,

                  l found your post very interesting in raising a different perspective that it not often discussed but is very much often felt by those going through treatment.

My thoughts are that those around you are very much aware of the brutal nature and hard slog that your treatment poses,but are reluctant to talk of these issues,especially before they physically arrive, for fear of making you totally despondent at the outset.

l found that as the physical effects became tangible and you bought the subject up ,they were slightly more willing to discuss, but they do so from a position of caring for you very much and feeling like helpless bystanders., they are  very scared too. They will worry that in discussing this they will transmit those inner feelings to the very person they are desperate to support,hence the big divide between thoughts and words.

Very often the worst people to hold these types of conversations are those closest to you, and certainly l found the biggest help  in these areas to have come from those outside of your family with knowledge,understanding and detachment. The people at the Maggies centre were amazing, and the atmosphere within the building was so conducive to allowing your mind to reach a stable place from which to rebuild from. l certainly found their empathy and understanding detached from emotion was so powerful yet delivered in such an understated way. Sadly l am not sure if their centres are currently open but l feel sure these wonderful people will be active in some form., so find the way to access them.

 l think the message l am stumbling to put across is that your first perception of where you will find this understanding is not to say it is not there,rather it will be expressed better by a third party.

l hope others on this forum will add to this conversation and feel sure they wil have a wealth of views and perceptions to share with you,in the meantime l can share your anxieties and wish you well with your challenge of the treatment that lies ahead of you and to your coming to terms of a changed life, make it a better one,

                       David

Donna_S

Hi Donna  sorry to hesr how your feelimg right now , but i can relate to it, and to be honest i really think only the ones with the actual cancer can.

Yes of course  friends and famiy mean well , and will.always look on the positives whatever they are and how small, the positives may be as well.

But i think its the hardest thing to deal with  and  it takes time to sink in that weve got t the dreaded C word, i think we possibly feel.likr this because we havent come to terms with it ourselves its such a shock to our systems, so how can our friends and family seem to come ton tems with it, as its our bodys not theres going through it .But deep.down we also know  we need thier positivity and support to help us get through this dreadfull time.

The truth is we have to realise its not just our csncer , its our family and friends cancer too, as they are the ones who will see us go through what ever it is we need to go through, they are hurting too, but in a different way of course but hurting neither the less.

So dont beat yourself up for feeling this way , your not alone , i I expect many of us feel.this way.at some point.

I wish you good luck on this roller coaster ride , that we find ourselves on.

I forgot to say i was diognosed with ductual breast cancer on the 20th May , confirmed on the  26th May and told it had spread to my lymoth nodes.

Im waiting on results of a bone scan and a ct scan for staging of the cancer. So  i am newly  diognosed  and only joined ithis site n May .

Please keep in touch and let me know how you get on.

I do pop on here from time to time as its goid to chat to people who really do understand how your feeling .

You can add me as a friend if you want to , and i wiont be offended if you dont , ill still be here to  chat   .xx

It makes perfect sense to me because thats how I have been feeling.comments like 'ohh it's not that bad' stay positive. I'm having a mastectomy and my friend telling me I should always wear a bra to hide the scar from my husband. Only someone who has gone through BC can understand how we are feeling and whilst family and friends can sympathise it's just not the same. 
This forum is helpful encouraging and positive based on experiences. 
Good luck on your journey xx