Hi Lisa,

I also need to point out that if the CT scan showed there wasn't spread to the liver then there wasn't spread to the liver.

You can't say it has spread but they didn't tell us when you say that they did tell you and it had not spread to the liver.

Do you understand why I am worrying for you and that you are not taking things in at the moment and need specialist support?

Lots of love,

big big hugsxx 

Hi Lisa,

I have to go to work.

I am concerned about you.

You said you could not call a helpline as you would upset hubby.

What about taking the dog for a walk and calling from a quiet place when out?

You need to build some trust in your team. I think you have had a bad reaction to that phone call. You are in urgent need of specialist support.

Focus on staying well today. You have actually written good news:

The CT scan showed it had not spread to the liver. Can I repeat that...

But then you start to challenge that and imply people are not telling you the truth. That doesn't sound how it was when you were given the information. Sounds as if you were being told all there was to know, but did not take all the information on board (understandably as you were in shock!!)

Now have you had breakfast?

And if not, how about listening to the radio and having breakfast outside? Unless you are going to phone a helpline.

Sending you so many good wishes, really feeling for you - it is a scary timexx you are clearly in deep shock still

Hi ,

thank you. My mind is all over the place. My poor partner is seemingly carrying on. I can't ring the nurses as we are in isolation together and I don't want him to hear and also I'm scared stuff of bad stuff 

she did say that it hadn't spread but I'm worrying it's spread to somewhere and she didn't say. 
I'm  thinking i misheard n for m but I didn't (I don't think) and locally advanced sounds so final.god I feel sick again

Sorry

im going to take dog out to calm down x

lisa big hug back x

Hi Lisa,

Locally advanced sounds to me as if it can be dealt with but only the surgeon can tell you what is to be done. And chemo might be enough to mop things up/shrink things.

I think it is a very very good idea to take your lovely doggy out for a walk.

Please try and have a calm day. Focus on whatever positives you can find.

Am feeling for you. I really amxx

Lisa 

Please go and sit in the fish pond and cool down. Those letters and numbers are always in the same order you always get an N before M so you haven't heard wrong. Please relax down stop always thinking worst case scenario. 

I also think you want to talk to hubby about things more he could understand more than you. Think. And help you understand more.

Me and bren (the boss) have always talked about everything (no secrets) so everything is clear and understood buy both.

Billy xx 

Hi,

billy thank you. I think it's when I wake up in the night things roll around and around. I doubt things then need to clarify , google , read the worst, google , on and on and on and on

im just clinging to the fact it's locally advanced and that must mean it's local and maybe a miracle

lisa x

Hi Lisa,

I logged back on quick because I thought of something.

You said the nurse told you stage 4 and gone to the liver. But then CT scan subsequently showed it had not gone to the liver.

So maybe not stage 4...

I think I am seeing how things have got put together here.

I think there is some doubt over the staging and I am going to tell you to reread all Billy and David posts yesterday if you start panicking again.

Locally advanced really is not the same as metastatic and all over the body. And even in the metastatic cases as Billy and David have told you they have been given some effective treatments. Billy and David both have M numbers indicating how far the cancer has spread metastatically. 

Now do as Billy says please. I really have got to run.

Hope this helpsxx

Hi no she said the tumour had been given t4n2 locally advanced tumour. They couldn't be sure if the whole of the tumour had been removed because the margin wasn't clear. 13/18 lymph nodes were positive. My partner asked her if it had spread to liver and she said no . They thought it had but my partner had an mri just before the op and it showed it hadn't. 
I asked what stage it was and she said 4 locally advanced because the tumour had gone through the wall into lymph nodes and that it was locally advanced. She said all info could be picked up on McMillan site and to speak to consultant on Thursday.

of course ai immediately started googling only to be finding advanced. And in the cancer research site it says advanced is not the same as locally advanced but says nothing more. 
she definitely said  stage 4 

everything Ive read is so negative especially with node positive. 
I did ask through my hubby if they were hoping to get rid of it and she said yes but by that time the damage was done

im playing it over and over and over again in my mind. 
mum sorry to interrupt your day and am going to try to calm down before collecting my tablets 

thank you

lisa 

Hi, I don't remember a grade being given. I wouldn't have forgotten that .i didn't know there were grades 

just t4n2 

x