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Feeling numb after diagnosis

Ladyf1966
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Following a large tumour being removed from my partners colon on May 1st, he had a diagnosis last Thursday. He was told that the oncologist would call to discuss results next Thursday , however he received a call before that from a cancer care nurse regarding his wound from the op. She then proceeded to tell him that his tumour had been staged as a t4 n2 locally advanced . She could not explain really anything about it just that the oncologist would explain next week and tell him about survival rates and treatment.

we went straight on to the internet and are now seeing that he had only about 10% chance of surviving 5 years. We are in total shock. A diagnosis straight out of the blue and our minds in complete mush. A week seems a long time to wait to speak to the oncologist and the constant surging the net for answers 

Thank you

  • Offline in reply to Ladyf1966

    Hi Lisa,

    So sorry you're having trouble sleeping. I got to sleep fine. But woke up with a night sweat...  

    I'll make myself a drink, read for a little and hopefully fall asleep again. Sometimes when I can't sleep I diary things. It helps to write it out. For me that's a meditation equivalent.

    My friend and I both had to do mindfulness at the hospital - my friend was too scared to do the course alone and asked if I could go too. He hated it at first, but it did help. Now he does it every day and has an app on his phone. If I have a bad night then I will do repeat body scans until my body calms. I find it boring and I don't enjoy it, but it does work.

    When you have the appointment on Thursday, please make sure the doctors know you feel in need of extra support and make sure you get psychological support. Sometimes there is a need to ask for extra help.

    Thinking of you and really hoping you can get some rest! Hugsxx

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Anonymouss

    Hi I did sleep but woke up wit in that dreaded sick feeling again. I did google but just once and hate myself for it. Just realising it's not a twrrible dream it's real. I'm not sure   At the moment how we can ever have any kind of quality life and time together with me being such a winp

    please don't let the googling have started again 

    Lisa

    x

  • Offline in reply to Ladyf1966

    Morning Lisa. 

    At least you slept (hopefully with no alcohol), please don't worry about it your definitely not the first or the last to Google hopefully you can keep off from now on.

    Can you find something to keep you occupied round the house,?? Gardening?? Anything, to keep you occupied (apart from Google)..

    The more your consontrating on other things the better. 

    Don't forget your new family is here for you if you struggle (eather of you), good luck throughout the day.

    Your in our thoughts and prayers. 

    Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Thank you billy . I did sleep but as usual it's broken and tossing and turning . Looks like it's going to be a lovely day so that's a bonus 

    if I could get rid of the sick feeling that comes over me I feel that I coul face things more positively. Lying in bed cuddling dog partner asleep isn't it strange 

    Thank you for keep encouraging me 

    Lisa 

  • Offline in reply to Ladyf1966

    Lisa. 

    If your not sure what to do work out a nice meal for 12.00 not a big meal but something what neads plenty of getting ready, I'm sure your a lovely cook when you set your mind to it.

    If you cook to much we can always pop over to help you eat it. 

    Please keep positive thoughts and actions i know its not easy but you can get there.. 

    Best wishes. 

    Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    What a lovely idea only trouble with that is I'm not eating can't seem to find an appetite. 
    going to take dog out, and maybe sit in garden with partner and do some all day pop master on radio 2.

    sky is very blue here in Kent today

    hooe it's a lovely day where you all are

     

     

    lisa

  • Offline in reply to Ladyf1966

    Weather is nice here as well north Lincolnshire. 

    I was born Ipswich Suffolk and father moved to a better job. I was lucky really because I'd never have met my darling wife of 48 years i had to be very persuasive before she'd marry me because she's nearly 14years older than me...

    Billy 

    P.s lovely I'd get out with the radio. Can you think of something you'd really like to eat that would be a start. Or what hubby likes. 

    Don't loose to much weight or you'll have to get new outfit. 

    Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Ladyf1966

    Hi Lisa,

    Good Morning and I really hope you can do as Billy says. 

    We've got blue sky here too... I won't say where I am because I'm still waiting on my own cancer diagnosis and I haven't told family I've had surgery even (only a few neighbours know).  I don't have the luxury of living in a house so no garden.

    I like the idea of you sitting out in your garden doing pop master and cuddling your dog. 

    Even if you can't face eating, can you face cooking? (Then when you want to eat there might be some lovely cooked fare waiting in the fridge or freezer?)

    It's hard but you are going to have to find your way to a new normal over the coming weeks or you'll burn yourself out.  

    Have you thought of contacting your GP and telling him/her that recent events have triggered all these symptoms in you as the GP might be able to get you some more immediate help/advice.

    If you really can't keep off google maybe look at stress management or dealing with anxiety as a distraction. You need to stay well if you can. Don't want you getting sick when hubby needs you well.

    Maybe there's some buried feelings from your previous loss and it's because of that I'm urging you to consider contacting your GP.

    You need to get help sooner rather than later if you find yourself wanting to hit the bottle today. Please!

    I've got to work now. Sending you lots more hugs. Really rooting for you. Think of the positive things you did yesterday, have some positive visual images to put in your mind when needed. Please take carexx

  • Offline in reply to Anonymouss

    Hi yes I contacted my gp on Friday and will be collecting some tablets tomorrow. I know the feelings are the same as all those years ago so I was straight on it. Also emailed a counsellor

    i will do something positive today I primise

    lisa

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Ladyf1966

    Hi Lisa,

    Really glad your GP is aware and you have e-mailed counsellor. 

    Honestly, I do know the feelings you speak of.

    Really hope you have a less difficult day. It's not an easy time but you will find a way through. Hopefully you will find at least a few moments of joy in there. It is sometimes when everything is shaken up we see the world in new ways and come to appreciate some things more.

    Lots of hugsxx

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