Hi Lisa, (my daughter's name!).  The chemo is so different from the olden days it's is now specifically targeted for the type of cancer you have, so the oncologist will have a mixture of certain types to combat his cancer.  Norman managed his well considering he was 71 years old.  He had a little sickness and hair loss, slept an awful lot but he was never unable to get up, get washed, eat some food etc.  You will be given a record of his treatment, emergency numbers for out of hours, a dedicated McMillan nurse and any help you need.  Just make sure that he agrees that you can take control if he needs you to, it will be recorded that you can access any information, I also had a letter lodged with our GP saying I had permission to act for him, it truly saves a lot of hassle and even if you are worried and he's not you can ring the nurse and she will help you through tough periods.  I would stay on this thread you've started as so many have been through it they have a lot of suggestions to help.  It must be so scary having lost your husband at such a young age, but this is a different man and I'm sure he will do all he can to fight it for you and him, he's been diagnosed so you will eventually know what you are dealing with.  I know it's a cliché but all of us have taken each day as it comes, we rarely look towards the future because even without cancer, as you already know, life can throw a curveball at you.  Wishing you all the best, Carol x 

Hi, yes I will do everything you said. I promise. I'm dreading the phonecall as I keep thinking they will say he's only got a few months left. My partner did ask the nurse if the aim  was to get rid of the cancer and she said yes but I now keep doubting what I've heard. And what with spread to lymph nodes reading as so terminal. 
just had another crying fest with my partner and now cuddling the dog with all my might. The nurse did say they couldn't see anything in the mri or ct scan of anything in liver or lungs but I'm not sure if that means anything anyway if it's in the nodes.

if you were to meet me before you would not believer I am the quivering wreck of a woman I am at the mimemt

sending you a virtual hug 

Lisa 

Just to let you know that Norman had it in his lymph nodes as well.  You are going to make yourself so unwell thinking the worst, please try and stay positive for you both.  We were never given a time scale so stop thinking in months, cuddling the dog sounds good!!  You will soon have the proper facts to work with and a treatment plan then you can concentrate on that.  Hugs back, Carol x 

Hi Lisa,

Sorry you are having such a tough time - and totally understand your anxieties given your former tragedy.

Things don't always play out the same though. My mum had cancer in a lot of lymph nodes - 24 years later she is still here, though with some ongoing cancer issues. 

Cancers can vary a lot. Sometimes it comes down to tumour genomics. In my mum's case she wasn't suitable for chemo, so went through radiotherapy and other treatments (including radical surgery). After all that, she did not spend the following decades as an invalid but went travelling and had a lot of fun.

I can't predict the outcome in your situation because every case is individual. All I know is that when the Consultant refused to give a 5-year prognosis all those decades ago, we just took one day at a time. 

Sending you a big hug and lots of hope. Be strong for your husband. One piece of advice that I was given by a nurse was to avoid the bottle, however. It will exaggerate your emotions, so if you are feeling down... 

Take care, really rooting for youx

Thank you so much. Alcohol is just numbing my feelings and when I wake up in the night it doesn't help. That is so encouraging to read about your mother and I really hope we are as lucky . With my whole heart and then some. 
mum going to see my own doctor when I can to see if I could get some help to see us thru this difficult time 

I'm actually just waiting for messsges to pop  up so I can concentrate on the lovely thoughts. I hope I'm not sounding too wrapped up in my own feelings because it's not like that. I just have to find a way to function to be the support I know I can be

lisa 

thank you x

It's normal to feel a sea of emotions when presented with the unexpected. 

Can you maybe write out a couple of positive thoughts to post around the place which could be really simple day to day things. 

For me when I'm having a bad day (currently waiting on my own possible cancer diagnosis), it could be reminding myself how much better I feel when I've got clean sheets, spraying on some favourite perfume, taking a bath, looking out through the window to spot any birds/squirrels/butterflies going out to look at trees/flowers (even when I'm feeling totally numb - there have been occasions when I've had tears in my eyes through an entire walk but somehow it helps keep me together still). I try and build simple routines, focus on eating well and sleeping as best I can. 

At night, if I can't sleep then I'll read or play some music. Obviously, try not to disturb hubby. He needs to build his immune system as strong as possible. Sometimes I'll just curl up with a hot chocolate and watch a film rather than toss and turn and think lots of bad thoughts. 

I do know that there is often a feeling of total shock. As Carol says above, you should have some support contacts after Thursday. You need to be at your best for your appointment as there will be a lot to take in.

There are also helplines you can call before then to help firm up your list of questions in advance.

Sending you lots of hugs!x 

Hi, on reading your post I got up from laying on the bed, came downstairs , got some food from the fridge and started to cook tea. I filled up the birdbath that I have neglected much to the sparrows delights . Maybe I have to stop worrying what I can't change. The die is cast and I expect this will be my future now, going between up and down. 
just trying to make the most of every day we have. Lockdown is making it so much harder to be fair and I'm sure a lot of people are feeling this. 
msybe miracles can happen in our case you never know. 
Cant say it enough thank you thank you to my new friends enough and I hope I can be if support to people in the future when I'm in a better place 

Lisa x 

Hi Lisa,

I posted something and then your reply came up, so I changed the message and posted something a lot longer below. Got to run now though. Really, really hoping you have a better night and gain strength. You clearly do have a lot of inner resources and will find a way to get through this difficult time and do the best both by yourself and hubby. Take care xx

Hi Lisa,

So pleased to hear that you have managed to do a few simple tasks. Believe me every one of them is a huge achievement and will help you through this difficult time! You should be really proud of yourself - and the birds are going to be very grateful for that newly filled bird bath given the hot weather.

Lockdown is challenging for most of us. I found it really hard having no family to help after my surgery. Your hubby is very lucky to have you there. 

I have known people be given awful predictions and sometimes the doctors just get it wrong. Happened to a friend of mine who was told they had a terminal illness (non cancer and not treatable). The doctors were so shocked at the follow-up appointment not to see the expected progression. I had been at the original appointment where patient told they were dying... and was not impressed with the manner in which this information was put across. Some doctors have a better way of communicating than others. Hopefully you will have a lovely doctor. If for any reason, you were to feel uncomfortable then you can ask for second opinions. In fact, you can ask for a second opinion even with a lovely doctor if you believe you need more information before deciding on a treatment plan. Though I would advise you to talk to specialist nurses before doing that. 

I wish I could support you right through this evening, but I have limited online access as it is a shared line. 

Will be thinking of you and sending lots of postiive vibes. So pleased you have managed to do just a few little things. Well done!!

Lots of hugsx