Hi Claire,

I was diagnosed in October and had a lumpectomy (mastopexy - basically a breast lift at the same time) and lymph node biopsy. My nodes had shown all signs of being clear, but one out of 3 has cancer in.  I need to decide whether to have a clearance or trust that chemo or radio will clear whatever is left.

I have been so positive so far, but the past couple of days I've been obsessing over it spreading, recurring.  This hadn't entered my head before. Maybe I'm particularly emotional today! 

All i can say is however you are felling, it's all part of this process. Hopefully this is just a short chapter in our lives. I'm perfectly prepared to give a year to getting better with any treatment necessary if it means I'm ok at the end of it.  The worst thing for me is woreying about the effect on my mum and my kids of all this. 

We can only take one step at a time. Worrying about what might happen in future is a waste of energy - it might not be so bad!  

My initial surgery was a breeze. No issues at all and really good recovery.  I am grateful that I've had a few weeks off work with no additional pressure.  

I will be thinking of you in the new year. I'll follow this post and await your update. 

E x

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad to hear you've recovered well from your surgery. I totally agree that worrying is so energy sucking, I try to think positive but I can't concentrate on reading a book, watching TV without half my brain constantly thinking about breast cancer! I've got three kids so keeping things normal for them. I'm determined to do whatever is needed to fight this & like you prepared to right 2020 off just to have treatment & hopefully this time next year will be cancer free. I wish you all the best with your journey. 

I don't think i said in my last post. I'm 39 and i have 2 young children (6 and 8).  I think half of me is so scared because it has me so early - if i got it in 20 years time it would still be considered 'young'.  

People on this site have helped me so much, even though it's just through reading their posts from a distance.   @jolamine is someone to follow - she's had a rough journey but remains positive and is the most inspirational person. 

What helps me most is posting whenever i need to vent- people here know what yu are going through and you won't be the first or only person in your situation - there is advice from people that have been there.  

E x

I feel so afraid too. Thank you for sharing your story. I am 37 mum of two young children. Just been diagnosed with bowel cancer starting radiotherapy in January. I just want to get started now yet trying to stay calm and positive about Christmas for my family. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster. 

Good luck with your results and all the next stages in recovery to follow. 

Im so pleased I’ve found this forum to share experiences and gain support. I only joined today and yet I feel like I’m less alone than I was this morning... 

Hi Kitty,

A very warm welcome to our forum. As you can see from the previous posts, you are not alone. This journey is made all the more difficult when you have a young family to look after whilst you are trying to deal with treatment. Do you have any family or friends who can support you or even help you out when necessary?

Don't turn down any offers of help, as you will appreciate these once you start your radiotherapy.

In the meantime, I hope that you manage to enjoy Christmas with your family and, that you can look forward to a Healthy  and Happy New Year.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you, 

family live far away but my mum is planning on coming to stay and help as much as I need. Friends have been amazingly supportive so far. I’m very lucky to have them.

i just feel like I want to get started on treatment right NOW.... it feels like I’m just waiting for the cancer cells to set up camp some where else in my body even if that’s rather irrational to be thinking... I want to think more positively but I’m struggling to not think worst case scenario... 

i am still healing from major bowel surgery so that’s not helping cause I’m still in pain and struggling to do anything... at least I’m home for Christmas with my gorgeous children. Going to try and focus on them (my mind is struggling to focus on anything but ‘cancer’ but I’ll try)

thanks for your lovely reply x

Hi Kitty,

I am glad to hear that your mum is planning on staying with you to help out and, that your friends have been so supportive. I can fully understand your desire to start radiotherapy straight away. If you have already had your surgery, the cancer cells should have all been removed and there shouldn't be any there to set up camp.

It is perfectly normal to think worst case scenario. Most of us do this at the beginning, but fortunately, this seldom turns out to be the case. What ages are your children? I agree that it is difficult not to let cancer take over every thought just now, but try to concentrate on having a special family Christmas instead.

Have you been told anything about your cancer grade, or pathology results post-surgery? There is always someone here if you want to talk over the holiday period.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Kitty, nice to hear from you. It's such a difficult time isn't it. I'm going through the motions but feel like I have constant thoughts involving cancer running through my head. I'm fortunate as I have a very supportive husband, parents & friends who have been great in the short time I've been diagnosed. I wish you well in the next stage of your treatment in January. I also wish treatment could start immediately, I know even after my appointment on 2nd January it will probably be several weeks before my operation date. Waiting is torture but I am grateful to be home with my family for Christmas. Love to you x

My kids are 14, 15 & 17. My girls have been quite tearful but in last day or so seem little more settled. My 15 year old son hasn't reacted at all - tells me he's absolutely fine & it's just like me having the flu, you feel bad but then you get better!!!! We're really close normally so I think it's just his way of coping with something so scary. I'm also being upbeat & positive in front of kids & my parents & save my wobbly moments for either in bed or the shower. The first 48 hours were horrendous but I'm on a slightly more even keel outwardly now. My initial appointment at the Breast Clinic was 3pm Christmas Eve!!! Thankfully I was given a cancellation appointment on 18th (I found lump on 16th, saw G.P on 17th & phoned same day giving appointment on 24th then called again & offered 18th) so thankful I've had a few days to get my head around this & not told Christmas Eve evening!!!!! Grateful for small mercies I guess!