Thank you, that's vey sweet of you. 

Hi 

Sorry haven't been around for a few weeks, 2 weeks ago felt particularly pants and last week was on holiday, had a great time in cold but generally sunny Northumberland, really beautiful place and lovely people.

Christine

Sounds like your op went well, which is great.  And the offspring seem to be a bit more hands off which must be good.

Caroline

Glad radiotherapy is going well, I have this to look forward to in March I think so am glad to hear its going ok.  It does seem quite full on doesn't it, every day for 3 weeks.

So after a lovely jaunt oop north I have the start of paclitaxel next week which will hopefully be more easy going than EC (which was not too bad at all).  Should get the result of 2nd MRI next week to see what naughty lumps are up to. Have another willing victim to accompany me to chemo so taking full advantage and having a very tasty Indian the night before.  I've even started my Christmas shopping whilst up north, am feeling quite virtuous...

Sam X

Hi Sam,

Sorry to hear you were feeling unwell, but glad to hear your holiday was good.

Recovery from the underarm surgery is as painful as I expected it to be. I'm feeling ok in myself, except that because I am sore, feels like razor burn or a bad scrape and raising my arm is painful, I am taking pain killers which I didn't really need before.  These make me feel quite sleepy so I am not doing much at all. That is exactly how the kids want it!  My son stayed here for a week and cooked some delicious meals for his sister and me. He's gone home now, and my daughter is at work so I am enjoying just the two dogs and my own company. I am under house arrest until my drain is removed, which is taking time, again. I'm still draining up to 100mls in 24 hours, but this time there was no time limit imposed, I just have to wait until I'm draining less than 30mls in 24 hours.

I go for my follow up meeting on Friday, then I will know what else is in store for me. I feel like I've got away with something up to now, only having surgery and my journey will really begin when I know what treatment I will be having.  

Hope this chemo is tolerable.

Take care,

Christine

Hi Caroline,

i hope the radiotherapy is still going ok with no side effects. As I just  wrote in my reply to Sam's latest message I am really not doing too much, or even much at all.  I felt quite liberated, today, when I went out to the front garden with food for the birds.

I am resting most of the day but still sleeping well at night. I will be able to do a bit more this week now my main jailer has gone home, although I miss the food he was cooking for us. He wouldn't allow me to even put the kettle on without a fight!  

Roll on Friday when I get my results

Christine xx

Christine

These drugs can't keep a good northern idiot down for long! 

Your surgery sounds delightful, how would you say it compares to the mastectomy?  I do want to carry on going to the gum & cycling as much as I can now am back on that band wagon (its sooo easy to slip off & become a couch potato and am an extremes kinda gal...now half measures for me) but am also trying to be realistic (ish!) given an operation looms in Feb.

I think (!!) I'm glad that your jailers are looking after you well, sounds like your son is a feeder (my boyfriend is the same, he thinks I eat like a 6'5 builder). And draining again...I feel drained reading about what you're going through!  Still not looking forward to that part.

Re Friday - what else could be in store? You've already had the naughty boob removed and they refused the other one...good luck for Friday and hope that this is now it.

Caroline & Christine

Had blood test & saw head honcho onc doc yesterday and was told that good results from 2nd MRI...I am low officially less dense, always knew the day would come! 

So to see how things are progressing in future MRIs will need boob markers, I believe that given the reduction/reduced density of lumps/nodules that there may be a big boob bang where they implode at some point in the future, will need to find a sturdy bra when that happens, I did share this theory with the onc doc, not convinced that its a common phenomenon.

Ooo and also getting a date to start discussing surgery, the doc was saying about DIEP and having natural boobs, told her I've already decided plastic & smaller thanks, think she was a little taken aback (strong decision maker me, not always the right decision though...).

So all set for tomorrow, the ever suffering boyfriend has ordered cold socks & gloves to avoid peripheral neuropathy and have started applying a home made (get me!) concoction of jojoba & avocado oil to nails to save them.  In old times they'd be dunking me for being a witch I suspect.  So rather than look like a Russian cosmonaut as I did with cold cap will now be looking equally glamorous in the chemo unit with my freezing extremities.

You know one very good side effect of the timing of all this?  The fact that I can't & can't be bothered to listen or get interested in all the politic shenanigans currently...its a blummin blessing!

Oh and didn't mention I had my look good, feel better session Friday - really enjoyable, lovely group and ladies trying to turn us into sooper models (some hope).  Lots of lovely goodies now adorn my dressing table, however the time I've saved by having no hair is now taken up by several more steps in my make up routine - the eyebrows seem to have reduced in size so timing is great.

Right enough keyboard action, time to mess about with spreadsheets & need to tidy house (would rather have chemo, not a domestic goddess) for next chemo companion visitor (from the north, of course).

Caroline - please do update re radiology, I hear its much better than chemo (which I've found fine so far), particularly interested in what it does to the skin and what you're applying/been given to manage any associated issues/pain.

Sam X

Hi Sam,

I started to reply to you then lost everything somehow, then thought it was probably a good thing because I am getting grumpy. I am still tired even though I haven't taken any drugs today. My armpit is really sore and my underarm still feels like it has been scraped from armpit to elbow. The exercises are beginning to feel a chore as the muscles tighten up. Plus, I'm still draining more than 50mls. The nurse says they will probably remove it on Friday at the hospital. I told you right at the start that my good humour might disappear when pain appeared! 

Compared with the mastectomy- this has been harder, as was expected, but I think I'm grumpy because I heard my surgeon talking to his assistant on the morning of my last surgery and he said that he thought he had felt something in one of my sentinel nodes, but when it was sent away they couldn't find it. He repeated "I really thought I felt it"  This makes me feel I'm going through this part of the journey unnecessarily !! My sensible head tells me it was better safe than sorry, but if my results come back all clear I might just punch him!!!

You are sensible to take precautions against peripheral neuropathy, my neighbour's mobility was severely affected by it, he could not write because of it and in later life he was continually falling because he couldn't lift his affected leg properly.

I also can't be bothered with the political situation at the moment, which is weird for me as I have been a passionate activist in the past. Now I just delete the emails calling on me to join in the campaigning and ignore the News.

Worst of all, comfort eating has deserted me!  I don't get any pleasure from chocolate any more, but show me a plate of broccoli or cauliflower and I salivate! I hope my ice cream addiction doesn't abandon me, it has got me through most of the bad times in life!!! I am going to make some strawberry and mango tomorrow just to check!!

Caroline,  here's hoping your rads are not getting to you xxx

Christine

Hi Sam & Christine,

Good to hear we are all positively plodding along! Christine - I really hope your nodes come back clear as even though it may feel like a wasteful op, it will be a positive result if it means you can avoid chemo. And we are all entitled to be grumpy! I, like you have a craving for green veg - more so sugar snap peas but wrong time of year! I did make a green veg soup the other day though.

Sam, good to hear you are still plodding along with the chemo and hopefully the next few will all be kind.

I am now 9 treatments done, 6 more to do. All been fine until Monday and the tiredness has hit me like a sledge hammer. It may also be because I went on a girlie weekend at the weekend and recovering from that just seems harder than normal. My skin is still fine but I do have boob ache - like a toothache in my boob. The daily appointments are a bind and as lovely as the staff are every day, I'll be pleased when I don't need to go anymore. I had a spot of food poisoning last week, which laid me up for a day and I missed my treatment so have now got it added on the end. Should finish on Thursday 28th. Still working and doing my normal busy life but it's getting a bit tougher. They said the tiredness shows its working. One of the nurses I work with, died this morning of stomach cancer. She was only diagnosed 2 weeks ago so it has knocked everyone at work for 6! She has been a wonderful support to me during this journey so it's just hit me like a sledge hammer. 

Christine - please let us know how it goes on Friday. I have everything crossed xx

Thank you, I will. All you can do is succumb to the tiredness, hard as it will be. Feet up and mindless telly is doing it for me, sends me to sleep in no time!

So sorry to hear about your colleague, that is such a shock  it makes you wonder what she went through before seeing a doctor.  Being stoic isn't always a good thing  

Cx

Hi Sam and Caroline,

i got my results today and as I suspected my nodes were clear.  I was less thrilled than perhaps I should have been because of my thoughts on having had unnecessary surgery. My daughter asked me just a little while ago if I had realised yet that this was good news. 

The nurse who gave me the news was great, she said "Of course you know you'll need to take a tablet" to which I answered that was up for discussion. I explained my feelings on quality of life being more important than length of life and that I would not be taking a prescription for hormone tablets today as I wanted to consider and discuss all my options with my family, including the option to refuse any further treatment.  She explained what had been decided at the team meeting but accepted that I needed further discussion before beginning any therapy.

She is referring me to an oncologist that she thinks I will get on with, a straight talker, to discuss the benefits of further treatment versus the problems associated with possible side effects. In reality I am a wimp!  I am rarely ill, and if I do get poorly for more than three days I am as grumpy as can be. As I explained to my daughter, if I had to go through a five year menopause, if it was anything like the last one, she would kill me because I would drive her insane!

My drain was removed today, hooray! I am free! I celebrated by having lunch with and provided by three of my best friends then taking the dog out for a short walk!

I am thrilled that there was no residual cancer in my lymph nodes which does bode well for the future and I haven't closed my mind to further treatment, I'm just not going to accept what I'm told without careful consideration.

Bolshy Northerners, what would you do with 'em?

Christine xxx

Christine, 
Its so s£££ that you've had to go through another (and more challenging) op for no blummin reason, you have every right to be annoyed (and grumpy!), I certainly would be.  If its any consolation your experience will help others...perhaps me? And give confidence to those challenging medical professionals.

And I need to ask did you punch the surgeon?  I have a vision in my head...

From chocolate to cauliflower is quite a jump in those taste buds, they do say that every cloud has a silver lining!  Am sure the hankering for chocolate will return.  Amazing what these crazy treatments do to us isn't it?

Please can I ask why the negative thoughts re hormone tablets. as you've probably figured out by now I deal with things very much on the immediate horizon and hormone tablets are in the future (as am ER+) so am interested in your views.  I'm not sure if am peri or post menopausal ( I've been told both based on blood tests!) though am having tropical sweats but not sure if these are chemo related!  I guess its that hormone tablets will suppress oestrogen therefore creating menopausal situation again??

Glad you are now ex drain and celebrated that.  And I think you've got every right to question treatment, sometimes I think I accept expert advice too readily.

Caroline,

Crikey, sorry to hear about your colleague, particularly painful given her support to you.

Glad you're getting through the rads ok, how on earth are you managing to work at the same time?  They're full on and you're feeling knackered.  Food poisoning eh, not a recognised form of cancer treatment but effects very similar to chemo I have found! 

So am now 3 days post 1st paclitaxel and am quite disappointed as EC was quite a breeze and expected paclitaxel to be the same.  My side effects are nothing compared to many but have really achey hips, legs & feet, am walking & feeling like I've just done a 24hr gym session with no warm up and feet are tender to walk on.  I have concerns (as have read horror stories) about peripheral neuropathy which sounds like a f$$$^^^ nightmare.  Used some cold mitts & socks at chemo session but they defrosted too quickly (now have several sets thanks Mr Amazon).

I will be seriously annoyed if this bl00dy cancer lark leaves me with lasting damage (I can forgive one less boob!) impacting my quality of life. If am unable to exercise/move without pain there will be trouble....

Off to have hot bath now to smooth my aches.

Hope you're both having a good weekend, despite my "challenges" have managed to re-do bedding plants around outside of house yesterday so feeling quite virtuous (felt better for moving around, I think, and wet weather is ideal Yorkshire gardening weather in my book).

Sam X