I literally cannot pull myself together, I feel better when I am with my mum and dad, it’s when I come home that guilt and reality set in, I feel guilty for forgetting for a few minutes or laughing with my little ones, and if I manage a few hours sleep at night when I wake up the pain starts all over again  

Hi Lauren, 

Just came across your post and thought I would comment. The first thing I can say to you is that you're not alone in this. I am going through the exact same thing. 

I'm 29 and my dad is only 56. He's lived a healthy life, lived by the laws of the land, has been a good Catholic man all his life, and the month before he was due to retire, he got diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, which had also spread to the liver. Life just isn't fair.

It's been 8 months since his diagnosis. 8 hard months. But 8 precious months. Months we've spent making memories and enjoying what time we have left. I can only advise you do the same. It's hard no doubt about it, but you've got to try and accept the news, and channel that feeling of heart ache in to a feeling of positivity. 'Right my dad has so many months left, let's make the most of time and make some memories together. NO REGRETS' that's the attitude you need.

I'm as frightened as you are of the thought of being without my dad. He's my best friend. He's built my life, and a good life at that. The thought of it really does petrify me. Typing sentences like that even now still don't seem real. But it is real. 

If your dad is a good man, which I'm sure he is, he wouldn't want you feeling guilty for going to sleep, or guilty for having a giggle with your little ones. They'd bring a smile to his face for sure. You've just got to keep going. Keep strong. Keep positive. And please, just make the most of whatever time you have left. 

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It isn't nice. But I'm going through the exact same thing. Happy to talk if need be. X

thanks for your kind reply, it sounds so similar to what’s happening to us, my dad hasn’t retired yet he’s 64 and we have only just lost my mums mum in January, my mum spent a lot of years caring for my nan, and this was their time to go on holidays, be carefree and to live their old age out together, I’m so sorry to read your story. 

I cant believe life can be this cruel, has your dad had chemo? x

Hi, I know just what you are going thru- a few weeks ago the same thing happened to my husband.  He is only 43, and healthy and fit.  Went into hospital with suspected gallstones, but instead they found lesions in his liver and traced it back to a tumour in his oesophagus.  He also has only been offered chemo to 'extend life' as long as possible.  Such a shock out the blue for us, and we have two young girls of 8 and 12 who are not ready to lose their Dad.  There is no pain like it and all I can say is you are not alone, there are others of us going through it too... at the moment we are trying to enjoy each day with him and treasure the time we have, but to start with I couldn't sleep or eat, panic attacks etc.  Joining a support group of others with cancer who meet fortnightly has helped us..

xx

Hi 

I am so sorry to hear about your husband and your girls dad, it’s so cruel, I can’t offer you much but I’m happy to talk if you want to vent. My dad is in with the consultant now to find out how long he’s got and when the treatment will start, has your husband started his treatment? X

I am so sorry to read this, and im surprised at how many people are going through this.

my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 today, he is going to be given chemo, which starts next week, he has to see how his body responds to the chemo he hasn’t been given a time frame, his cancer is a rare form in the oesophagus and the one in the liver is aggressive he has lots of lesions on his liver, this cancer has only been in his body for a couple of months the consultant said today. The consultant said he will have 4/5 rounds of chemo, once a week every 3 weeks, the consultant said if he responds well there’s a chance he can go into remission.. I am holding on to that.

since receiving this news today I’ve decided I’ve got to make these days the happy days, and I am going to get married so that I have that to treasure when the inevitable happens, I can’t focus on that for now, just each day at a time.

I am here if you want to chat and I know exactly how you are feeling, I’ve gone through every possible emotion since we found out about the secondary cancer on Monday, I hope you get some posive news about your dad and that he can have the operation, my dad can’t xx

Hi Lauren, 

This is the first time I have been on this forum for a long time. 16 weeks ago this Friday my dad 58 lost his battle with cancer of the oesophagus, Unfortunately he did not get the chemo to give him time as it had already spread. He was the strongest fittest man I knew and that vile disease took him away too early. I am also 32 and the day after we laid my dad to rest I went in to labour with his first grandchild. I hope with all my heart you get the time you deserve with him, talk and cuddle and tell him you love him and spend every precious moment you can. I know I did and I have no regrets on that front, I even wrote notes everyday on my phone about what we did and spoke about so I would never forget. 

Feel free to private message me, I have been in the exact same place as you and I know the tears and pain you are feeling, in fact the reason I came back on was because my mum had said that there will be people searching for answers just like you were and you can probably help xx 

oh Hun that is so sad and I’m so sorry, I’m sorry you we’re not given the chemo so that you could have some more time with your dad, I’m also sorry for you that your dad never got to meet your baby, it’s so cruel, how are you coping?

how long was it between diagnosis and your dad passing? And where had it spread to ? If you don’t feel you can answer those questions that’s ok, I guess I’m looking for some sort of time scale as we haven’t been given one, only that if Dad refused treatment it would only be a matter of weeks.

I have been to see my dad almost every day, he doesn’t look poorly other than losing a fair amount of weight but he still looks healthy so I find it hard to accept it, I guess there is a roller coaster ahead, I’m worried how I will get my mum through it too xx

Hi Lauren , my dad also got diagnosed with Osoph Cancer too on Monday this week , i know exactly how you are feeling , i am in absolute bits , cried my heart out , i cannot believe he has this disease ! Also he has had very poor treatment in London , had the camera down his throat and the doctor / specialist who did this was busy on his phone checking Pakistans progress in the cricket at the time and did not even put my dad in a gown . They found a lump which he took a biopsy of , it came back cancer !!! Now nearly 2 weeks later no follow up scan to see if the cancer spread ?  I am fuming with his treatment , he cannit eat any solid food , and his GP treated him for tonsillitas , you could not make it up ! Now the NHS hospital dont seem to bothered to get him in for a scan to see if it has spread , so i feel like he will just waste away at home and the cancer will spread the longer he is left !! I really feel your pain and understand you , ive cried daily and just want answers for him !