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Feeling lost

sarah1210
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I was diagnosed with Stage 2 melaonma last week and I think I have finally got my head around it.  10 years ago I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer and to get this diagnosis last week has hit me for 6.  I know I should be happy about the fact that it was caught in time and hopefully they got it all out but I've still got to have a further procedure to make sure there's no stragglers.  The good news is that they are not worried about it and can wait until I come back from holiday, we are off to Turkey in 3 weeks so that will be fun.  I shall be the one sitting under the umbrella, covered in factor 50 and dressed like a bee keeper.  Yes I know its for my own good (am joking about the bee keeper outfit) but I still can't shake the feeling of why me again.

What if after all these years that the cancer would have started somewhere else, which I would not know the signs for and nothing can be done?

I had so much chemo, radiotherapy, hormone therapy and have been on tamoxifen for the past 9 years that surely some of that would have made some difference?

Sorry to ramble on but am sitting at my desk at work, trying to get this all out before anyone else comes in, sobbing.  I can't talk to my husband as he just thinks I am being silly.  I can't talk to my mum as she's got early onset dementia and she is not well enough to know.  She got me through so much 10 years ago.

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    Hi Sarah welcome to hell, I know that's what it feels like sometimes, we've all been through it waiting to find out,, If,, then after we think why me, then at last its over, there's no rules in this place, after a while things do start getting better and you can return to the normal world I know things won't be the same but it can be an improvement on what it was, if you need to let off steam you are welcome there is plenty of space on these pages. Best wishes.

    Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoat

    Thank you, I don't remember feeliing like this 10 years ago.

  • Offline in reply to sarah1210

    Everyone has dark days Sarah. I'm the most positive person alive but even I sunk into the 'why me?' thoughts occasionally.

    We don't get a lot of say in the hand we're dealt and sometimes we're just bloody unlucky. 

    What helped me before was to write down all the things I was thankful for. That was useful in turning my negative thoughts back into something positive. In the face of so much gratitude, I didn't have room to dwell on the 'what ifs'. 

    Enjoy your holiday. We should all be staying more covered up anyway and you can just look just fabulous in the shade. 

     

  • Offline in reply to ThreeLittleWords

    Hi, thank you for your kind words, its nice to know that I am not alone.

    Maybe tomorrow I will wake up with a more positive attitude and just having one of those days.

    Anyway, thank you

    x

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    Hi Sarah it's crap isn't it.mine was 2016 breast stage 3.has if that's enough the surgeon made a compleat mess and refused to reconstruct . I had to walk around with one boob scars too bad to where a prophesies .im  on my own and had to borrow money ok so I'm still here but debt doesn't suit well with me.

    in past few weeks started wuth back ache nightmare I'm going to doctors next week.

    enjoy your holiday every day is a new day.stat strong .

    kathy 

     

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    Hi sarah1210,

    Just when you think it's safe to raise your head above the parapet this comes along. I can understand all the thoughts that are going through your head and I'm sure you will dimiss most of them as being silly but you will always have that lingering thought 'what if?' 

    Having been a melanoma patient for many years (13 years stage 1 and 10 years stage 3) and knowing many melanoma patients, I've picked up a little information and advice along the way. Because of this I know that melanoma is a sneaky little cancer that is highly unpredictable - it doesn't, for instance, respond to chemotherapy, so I'm afraid all the treatment you received for breast cancer would have made not a jot to whether melanoma would raise it's ugly little head. I also know that research is being undertaken into a link between breast cancer and melanoma as there is an incidence of melanoma patients going on to have breast cancer (although I don't know how many have been the other way round). It is sadly a known fact that once someone has been diagnosed with any cancer there is a chance that they will get another cancer so their research may not find a link in the end anyway.

    Go away on your holiday and take the time to calm your thoughts. I went away on a planned 3 week holiday the day after my Stage 3 diagnosis - it was far better than sitting in my own 4 walls brooding - and I came back more able to face the forthcoming surgery. You don't need the bee keeper suit (although it made me laugh) - just lather up suncream - it doesn't have to be Factor 50 - Factor 30 is high enough (only 1% difference in protection). Try stay in the shade in the hottest part of the day and wear loose fitting closeweave clothing, sunhat and sunglasses (I use a UV parasol - great in a hot climate). Enjoy your holiday and recharge your batteries for your Wide Local Excision. I will send you a pm in case you would like to chat privately,

    Angie

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