was 23rd january we found out Jayne had cancer and 10th feb 2019 i lost my best friend, lover and soulmate Jayne.she was my world and ive written about whats gone off and going off as regards Jaynes family etc,its been a nightmare.im just muddling along.Ive had 2 bereavement counselling sessions and my next is later today.im willing try anything to help me get through the days and nights.but ive got no expectations.

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that you are finding it so difficult coming to terms with Jayne's passing. It is never easy when family make a hard time even harder.

I sincerely hope that you are finding bereavement counselling a help. Has your counsellor mentioned group therapy? Some people find it more helpful to meet others who are in a similar situation to themselves.

Thinking of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

hi

i would not want to be doing group therapy.like it  as been said ,every one as there own ways and time scale of coping with grief.ive already got an x friend [x because he doesnt seem think anythings wrong, he thinks, saying pull your socks up and move on, is good advice ,and a good solution] maybe if he lost his partner he would may be understand.then theres my Partner Jaynes unfeeling brother christopher,whose advice was get a dog.im looking forwards to returning that piece of advice if he loses his partner.sure he wont think its as good a piece of advice recieved, as when he gave it to me.sorry for my anger, i just cannot understand why, certain people in our live ,have very little, if any slight understanding ,of what its possibly like, to lose someone from our lives, that meant the world to us.

luckily ive got a couple of friends who mainly listen and dont pretend to understand the pain im going through,but give me their ears to bend when i need ,and give me support as well.

regards jayneian

Hi Jayneian,

Group therapy is not for everyone, but it does help others. I can fully appreciate your anger when you are getting the advice you mention. People don't really appreciate how devastating it is to lose a partner, until they have been through this themselves.

I'm glad to hear that you have some friends who are willing to listen to you and give you their support. How did your bereavement counselling go on Tuesday?

Do you have a good photograph of Jayne? It can be helpful to keep one in a prominent place, where you can talk to her when you feel like it. I know that this may sound daft, but many find this a solace.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

HI Jolamine

counselling was ok.Being able to  talk about my feelings for Jayne is easy, as she meant the world to me,its knowing i wont see her smile, kiss her lips or cuddle her.Orbeing able to tell her how much i love her.I hope and pray, i will one day eventually be able learn to live with this pain,and learn to control my emotions a little.at present im all over the place,momemts like now ,were im lying in bed ,im not a or never have been a person that ever gets lonely,but im missing Jayne so much that it hurts.I use facebook at present to post pictures and words to express how much i love and miss Jayne.And ive got a few framed pictures ,one with me and Jayne another 2 were she is with her  friends.i have lots of pictures on  my phone and ive downloaded them all to onedrive.something else ive done is take all the messages between Jayne and me out of jaynes phones over last 5or 6 years and saved them all to onedrive.Reading them you wouildnt believe that a couple aged between 44 and 54 years old  when the texts were sent,at times youed think it was 2 youngsters texting even 2children at times.one big thing that made our relationship special and strong was we were ourselves no putting on an act or having hide our faults .we loved each other warts and all.maybe im being unhealthy doing what ive done, or what im doing, at present im hanging onto the love of my life.what ever happens in the next few weeks months years ,Jayne will always be in my heart.sorry for drivelling on but i just want make it clear how much Jayne meant and still means to me.i will continue counselling my next session is next weds.

thank you jolamine

kind regards 

Jayneian

Looks like I am having a mastectomy now rather than a lumpectomy.. I think you mentioned that was what you were going to have. D day for me is the 7th May.. feels a long time form diagnosis ( 20th March)

The surgeon talked about reconstruction.. have you had that chat? I would be really interested to get some real opinions on it xx 

I have the results of my biopsy yesterday on the 18th but they are pretty sure it’s more *** stuff so my surgeon booked me in for the surgery on the 7th.. she talked through a bit about reconstruction.. I think for me she suggested an implant there and then.. I’ve got really small boobs and not a lot of ‘reserves’ elsewhere to use my own tissue. but then she also said an implant could be  damaged if I need radiotherapy ( which I guess will depend on my lymph’s) have they suggested to you how treatment might change if they find anything in your last biopsy?

my surgeon seems keen to retain my nipple but like you I’m dubious as she also said if any of the tissue behind it had cancerous cells in it would have to come off anyway at a later date!? Feels a bit silly to leave it at all? I think it really differs where you being treated.. I’m in Bristol and they seem to be quite a centre for breast cancer. 

I felt ok yesterday but my head is spinning with it all at the moment! Feeling a bit low with it all. Em xx

[@Jolamine]‍ can you give us any opinion on mastectomies and different options? X

Hi Pepesmama,

I am sorry that your treatment now involves a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy. Having had a lumpectomy and a double mastectomy, I can assure you that both are quite 'doable'. I had less bother with my mastectomies than I did with my lumpectomy.

Are you going to have reconstruction? I couldn't have one due to previous non-cancer related surgery, involving the possible graft sites. However, I've managed well with bilateral prostheses over the past 8 years.

I hope that all goes well for you on 7th May. Do please update us and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Pepesmama and Claire,

I am sorry but I cannot help you with any tips on reconstruction, because, as I said in my last post, I never had reconstruction.

I was initially told that Lattismus Dorsi Flap reconstruction would be best for me, but both would have to have been done at seperate times. When they later discovered my problems with anaesthesia, they decided against this.

Like both of you I have heard of similar problems with trying to retain the nipple. The tattooed ones seem to be very realistic.

I hope that all goes well for both of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx