Hi there ..

Bless ya .. I take it she knows you've been diagnosed with breast cancer .. and if so, l wonder where she left her empathy ... it's funny how different some family members are .. we've had some say about siblings not even ringing .. two people I loved and helped on many occasions didn't call or even text .. I think when you get something like cancer, we find out who really matters .. 

I'd fallen out with my oldest son a few years befor my masectomy. . Even though he knew which ward I was on .. and had a second emergency op .. wasn't enough for him to want to see me ...  I've text since telling him how much l love him and that I'll always be here if he needs me .. but nothing ..

So I understand your pain and what we have to do in the end is concentrate on us .. you have a lot to come through ... if she's turned away without asking why from you .. now is the time as much as it hurts let her go .. but always leave the door open if she wants you back .. and old saying is grant me the strength to change what I can change .. courage to accept what I can't change .. and the wisdom to know the difference ...

I have now got those people around me that love and understand what I've been through .. the rest don't even enter my thoughts now ... though the door is open to any of them if they need it .. 

Though not seeing my wonderful granddaughter has been the hardest to accept .. I just hope one day she knocks my door .. because I miss her .. 

There's lots of us breast lasses on here. . A lot know exactly what your going through .. please hold on .. you'll always find support here .. we help each other ... esp on low days .. any time you want a chat I'm here most days .. it's not an easy journey. . But it is doable ...

Sending you a big vertual hug ... Chrissie xx

Hello, I felt sad reading your post, a cancer diagnosis certainly affects people in different ways. My sister reacted very badly when I told Her i was to have chemo, telling me all kinds of horrible information about it and even that it could end up killing me!! Why she felt the need to react in this way instead of a loving support I have no idea....

I am trying to give your daughter the benefit of the doubt, try writing her a letter...the old fashion way, put all your feelings down on paper and give her a chance to come to you.....until she does your energy will be needed for you, there will be no room for negativity, this is one time in your life you need and deserve to be selfish, put yourself first second and last.... I do hope it works out well...for all of you xxxx

Hi motherofboxers,

Sorry for your diagnoses and sorry to hear how your daughter is being. If anyone is being selfish it is her I'm afraid.  Being diagnosed with cancer is a huge shock and changes your life in many ways. Only people who have had the illness will understand this. I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer last May. My mum, brother and sisters all dropped off the radar. My mum even told me to stop being so dramatic! I had chemo, a mastectomy and radiotherapy so cant really see how I was being dramatic. They just changed towards me and to this day I still dont know why. They started coming round towards the end of my treatment and I've recently found out I was over 3 months pregnant which I had no idea about as got told chemo left me infertile. I'm over the moon but theyve shown support by not talking to me and telling me they were deleting me off their phones. Words just fail me. Theres been no explanation, just silence from all of them. Youd think after everything I've been through they'd be pleased I had some good news. I've made the very simple decision to cut them out of my lives as I dont need the negativity. I'm not saying this should be the case with your daughter at all. I'm sure she doesn't fully understand the extent of how serious this illness can be.....I'm not sure how old she is but you saying she blocked you on Facebook gives an indication of her maturity. She will come round eventually. I think she will need you before you need her. You have bigger things to concentrate on at the moment. The worst thing you can do is let things upset at this already horrendously difficult time. She will see sense. I would put money on it. Really hope so!!

Lots of love...Candice x

Heyup girlie....5 days and counting! This time next week?? Lol xxx

Hi

I was sad to hear about your daughter. It is times like now that you rely on them to support you as you have supported them in the past. But it doesn’t always happen that way. Loved ones react in different ways to a cancer diagnosis. Some are  straight there at your side, some deny it and some just walk away. I wonder if your daughter is trying to ignore your diagnosis and is expecting you to behave as you would normally. I’m sure in those circumstances you would be there saying yes to looking after your granddaughter. It seems she can’t see anything wrong with you like you can with a broken leg and crutches. However cancer may not show but it’s there and if there is no obvious pain she can’t see it, I found the emotional pain and worry was the hardest because no one sees it and I’m sure like me, you’ve hidden that, On the outside you look fine.I found with a lot of my friends they would say how well I looked even as the turmoil raged inside. On here there are people who understand the hidden costs of cancer and will always support. So give your daughter chance to come to terms. Hopefully she will and be there for you. I know it’s difficult to tell your loved ones how you feel. I know I do. I wrote  to all my family separately, sharing my thoughts quite openly. That might be a way forward for you. At the moment your daughter is angry and I don’t think that’s about you not looking after your granddaughter. I suspect it is more to do with the unfairness of it all.

Dont forget there are people here to talk to when you need to. Look after yourself for now and hopefully everything else will resolve in time. I’m sending a virtual squeeze from my hand to yours.

Sundial

Thank you to everybody who has replied, I will take all your advice and comments on board. How sad to see that I’m not alone with family members turning away. I was told she’d had enough of my drama!! It really is the emotional and mental side of things I’m struggling with as I see many of you are too. As much as I try to stay positive, and outwardly I am for everybody else’s benefit, it’s hard not to be scared of the unknown. Candice, congratulations on your pregnancy, how wonderful!! Enjoy every minute. Love and positivity to all xxxx

Hello there, I am so sorry about your recent diagnosis. I had a diagnosis of breast cancer in March 2015, I had to have a hysterectomy first as I had a twisted torsion on my pelvis, 8 months later I had a lumpectomy and total lymph node dissection, followed by radiotherapy and hormone treatment.  It is definitely doable.  You will have so much support from the nurses and your oncologist.  I too know how people disappear at the thought of the C word, I don’t think they know how to react to it.  I think it’s a fantastic idea to write to your daughter telling her how much you love her, and how much you miss your granddaughter.  I too would put money on it that she will return.

Tell her that this is the time you need her love and support, and I’m sure she will be there for you.  You sound like such a lovely person, so your daughter must be as well.  Like the other ladies on here, you need to concentrate on yourself now, I know it’s hard, but you will do this. Sending you a big hug - take care of yourself   ️

Hi ...

Just know you can always come here ... someone will know just what your going through .. although so many of us have family that turned away .. wer also a family on here too .. one that will hold your hand, who you can cry with... chat too .. vent when it's hard ... and yes we sometimes find something to make us smile ... 

The unknown ... that's what scared me most ... but being strong is about feeling scared witless but still taking it on ... so many times on here, other members have held my head above the water .. they will do that for you too .. as you have seen... we all have a cross to bare ... but whenever you need us .. just call .. sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie 

Hi All, 

I’m 42 and newly diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer 27/2, after finding an enlarged lymph node in my armpit.  They are not too concerned about the lymph node stating it looks normal, but my mammogram revealed a small lump in the breast, which they biopsied straight away.

Im booked in 12/3 for wide excision lumpectomy and sentinental lymph node removal.  I will need radiotherapy for 15-20 sessions a few weeks after the op.  I’m still awaiting the her2 result to see if I need chemo or not, I’m so scared.  I can just about deal with the op & radiotherapy- but add in chemo- I will be devastated. 

I’m struggling with my emotions a lot at the moment, as we just buried my dad who had lung cancer on Friday- so I’m still grieving.  I’m an emotional wreck and to be honestI don’t know if I’m crying for my dad or my situation. It’s hard as I just started a new job in January, so still in my probationary period, I’m so stressed. 

I think reading about others going through the same, and supporting each other through the journey will be a big help.  Thanks for listening xx

Hello, oh bless you, we all totally understand.....I was told no chemo...just lumpectomy, rads and meds....now I am currently under going chemo (!) 

believe me when I say..it's easier than in your head...but let's cross that bridge if and when, for now concentrate on your surgery...don't think too far ahead....remember...one step at a time.....we're all here for one another....xxxxx